Signs You're Trying Too Hard to be the "Cool Girl"

One of the best depictions of what “the cool girl” is was made pretty famous by Gillian Flynn’s Gone Girl in which the main character, Amy, describes this type of woman as:

…a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want…They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be.

Of course, it is fine to like football, dirty jokes, cheap beer and, hell, even anal sex. But the point Flynn was trying to make is that too many woman pretend to love all these things, to play this role as the cool girl, no because they enjoy it, but so that men like them. She wishes women were able to think more for themselves and be both honest and proud of what they actually enjoy, even if especially if they are different than those of the man they’re pursuing. It has been liberating to see so many women lately let the constantly put-together, delicate, out-dated facade of being a perfect lady fall away and replace it with the real, raw and often hilarious admittance of what being a woman is really like… unapologetically. Thanks to celebrities like Amy Schumer, Anna Kendrick and Jennifer Lawrence, many women no longer feel ashamed to brag about things like constantly binging on junk food, carelessly cursing, and shamelessly sleeping around. And this is great. All of these things are fine. But only if you actually like these things. There is a difference between trying to impress someone you’re interested in, and completely changing who you are for them.

Signs You’re Trying Too Hard to be the “Cool Girl”

1. You let yourself suffer through hours and hours of Sunday Football when you could be spending the day doing something you actually enjoy. Even worse if you try to join in on the conversations and debates about specific team members just in attempt to making it seem like you know what you are talking about.

2. You order whiskey on the rocks at the bar when what you really want is a a Blue Moon. I’m willing to bet no guy has ever broken up with a girl because he didn’t agree with her choice of alcohol. This is your taste buds we’re talking about, not his. 3. You never speak up when something he does upsets you because you don’t want to come off as overly emotional or hysterical. Reality check: It’s okay to be mad he blacked out, puked on your friend’s sweater, and loudly indulged in details about your sex life to a group of near-strangers.

4. You don’t ask him to do anything because you don’t want to seem like you’re nagging. You’re not annoying for wanting him to stop leaving half eaten pizza slices around the kitchen; you’re a clean human being. 5. You let him ditch plans with you to hang out with his friends, even though this is the third time this month.

6. You convince him (and yourself) you’re fine with a casual hook-up/friends-with-benefits situation when every night you go home and cry yourself to sleep because the thought of him being with other people makes you physically sick to your stomach. 7. You’re constantly saying things like “I prefer to hang out with guys” and “girls are just so dramatic and crazy.” Yes, girls are dramatic and crazy. But you know what? So are men. I personally believe that if a woman can’t maintain healthy relationships with other women, something is wrong.

8. You hardly wear make-up or get dressed up around him solely because you don’t want him to think you are high maintenance or uncomfortable in your own skin… even though you secretly like getting dressed up and it makes you feel good. At the end of the day, a guy wants to be with someone who is comfortable and confident in their own skin. More importantly, you want to be with someone who lets you be you, do what you enjoy, and like what you like– whatever those things may be. Just because you like someone does not mean you need to like all of the things they do, or behave in a way that goes against your true feelings and interests.

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