They say to make your obituary interesting, and that’s just what the son of Mary Patricia Stocks did. Instead of the generic love-y post declaring how wonderful the 94 year old was, son Sandy got a bit more creative and personal. He told CTV,
I could never write an obit that said she was a beautiful, wonderful person. That’s not my mother.
While the entire hilarious tribute to his mom is worth the read, here are a few highlights.
On the things she left behind…
She left behind a hell of a lot of stuff to her daughter and sons who have no idea what to do with it. So if you’re looking for 2 extremely large TV’s from the 90s, a large ceramic stork (we think) umbrella/cane stand, a toaster oven (slightly used) or even a 2001 Oldsmobile with a spoiler (she loved putting the pedal to the metal), with only 71,000 kilometers and 1,000 tools that we aren’t sure what they’re used for. You should wait the appropriate amount of time and get in touch. Tomorrow would be fine.
On her grasp of the English language…
Her extensive vocabulary was more than highly proficient at knowing more curse words than most people learned in a lifetime. She liked four letter words as much as she loved her rock garden and trust us she LOVED to weed that garden with us as her helpers, when child labour was legal or so we were told.
On her cooking skills…
She believed in overcooking everything until it chewed like rubber so you would never get sick because all germs would be nuked. Freezing germs also worked, so by Friday our school sandwiches were hard and chewy, but totally germ free.
Sandy says all of Mary’s surviving relatives loved the unique obituary. Let’s all hope we have someone who sends us off with the same love, no matter how unusual.