1. I have arrived. I am the pinnacle of fitness.
2. 30 minutes of cardio? That’s nothing.
3. [10 minutes later] Okay, so maybe it’s something.
4. Why did I do this to myself?
5. [15 minutes later] I am a sweaty pinnacle of fitness who smells vaguely like death.
6. That scent is definitely not vague.
7. [25 minutes later] That was so easy. What was I complaining about?
8. [Five minute cool down] YOU LIED TO ME, MACHINE. YOU SAID I HAD “0:00” TIME LEFT.
9. Oh, this isn’t so bad.
10. I wish I wasn’t here right now.
11. All right, time for weights! Got to balance out the arms and legs, ya know?
12. I’m going to go for the BURN.
13. Never mind, everything hurts. I regret all of this.
14. Lifting something is better than nothing, right? Ten pounds is good.
15. Ten pounds is very good.
16. Let me try and lift with my legs.
17. [upon lifting x amount of weight]: I AM THE PINNACLE OF FITNESS WHO DEFINITELY SMELLS LIKE DEATH.
18. I’ll see you fools at the Olympic Games.
19. I should do squats, too.
20. Nope. I changed my mind. I am definitely not the pinnacle of fitness.
21. I. WANT. TO. GO. HOME.
22. Why does it seem that every person in this gym collectively decided to scream like wild animals?
23. I really want to go home.
24. One more set.
25. I lost count.
26. Okay! Now really only one more set!
27. [upon finishing last set] I feel oppressed.
28. [upon exiting the gym] I am never leaving the house again.
29. I deserve pizza.
30. In fact, I deserve three pizzas.
31. And a giant soda!
32: [post-feast] F*ck, I have to go back to the gym.
[Lead image via]
