It is nearly impossible to survive a breakup without your friends. They act as your personal therapist, listening to your concerns and frustrations, and help you navigate the shit show that has become your dating life. They will listen for hours on end while you rant on and on about the same thing. They tell you everything you need to hear to make you feel better and, if they are really great friends, are even willing to tell you something that might sting a little so long as it is in your best interest to hear it. They are the ones who come over to lay in bed with you, drink wine, binge watch Netflix and eat Ben & Jerry’s until you want to puke.
But… although we turn to our girlfriends with our broken hearts because we know they care about us and because we need their advice, this doesn’t mean we are always very good at actually taking that advice and applying it.
It’s frustrating when you have to spend hours on hours listening to the same problem, only to give her advice and watch her—repeatedly—do the exact opposite. It can be hurtful, because why ask for advice if you aren’t going to take it? However, it’s easy to forgive this and overlook it for the sake of your friendship because, well, you’re guilty of doing it too.
Below are some of the most common tidbits of advice girls always fail to take from their friends while going through a breakup.
Don’t drunk text him.
Few people are harder to control than a girl with one too many tequila sunrises in her system. If a girl is determined to do something, she will likely do it. But if a drunk girl is determined to do something, she will likely regret it. We only texts our exes when were drunk because we are more willing to bend the rules of our dignity and pride.
When you’re drunk you think you are invincible, and that you won’t regret your actions—but you’re not, and you will. Your friends can try to take your phone away, but that never ends well… for anyone. They might remind you that “drunk emotions are not real emotions,” but you’re never in the state of mind to head this very sound-advice.
Stop Facebook-stalking him.
I can’t imagine what dating used to be like before Facebook and social media. You mean to tell me that once upon a time, if you wanted to know what someone was up to you would actually have to talk to them and trust they were telling you the truth? Social media creeping is just too easy. But just because it’s tempting and easy, doesn’t mean it’s worth doing. There seems to be this silent understanding that if no one sees you doing it, then it doesn’t count. News flash: it does.
It isn’t ‘moving on’ if you are logging in every day to track his every move. You aren’t moving on. You are keeping tabs on someone who no longer wants you to keep tabs on them—and the only person you are hurting is yourself. You shouldn’t be friends on Facebook with someone if you aren’t friends with them in real life. And it is all too easy to let their social media lives deceive you into crazy thinking (For example: ‘this girl has liked two of his last posts, which must mean they’re dating, which means—oh my god, they’ve been friends since May?! Was he cheating on me with her?!’).
Don’t get back together with him.
This is hard. Maybe it is meant to be, but probably not. You forget that even though things are going good with you guys now, your friends aren’t looking at it through rose-colored glasses—they remember, much more than you seem to be right now, how hurt you were and how tough it was to get you out of bed post-breakup. It’s easy to romanticize the past and dismiss all the hurt you went through just because he is making you feel good now.
You will get over him.
When your friends tell you this it’s difficult to believe them, because how the hell do they know?! Yeah, easy for them to say, when they have the perfect relationship right now, or guys hitting on them left and right. They don’t understand your pain, right? Wrong. They have likely been in your shoes. You shouldn’t ignore their advice because they aren’t the ones hurting—you should take their advice BECAUSE they aren’t the ones hurting.
When you’re drunk you sometimes say and feel things that aren’t true. Same with when you’re completely depressed and blinded by heartache and a deflated ego. Your friends, on the other hand, are thinking more rationally and are able to see your situation from a cleaner perspective.
You need to concentrate on you.
This is a wise piece of advice, for anyone, at any point in their lives, regardless of their relationship status. But it can be tough to hear. You don’t want to focus on yourself, because all you can think about is them. You don’t want to focus on yourself, because deep down, in a very sadistic, morbid part of your soul, you’re afraid that if you actually muster up the energy and motivation to distract yourself and keep yourself busy, you might actually move on—and moving on means letting go. And right now you’re not ready to do that.