Hi Dude,
I started talking to a guy on Tinder and after a few weeks, we decided to meet up. Turns out, his pictures were him, but OLD. Like, probably from 4 or 5 years ago because he definitely put on some weight and everything from his hair to his clothes looked vastly different. We still hit it off, but I can’t get over that he lied about his appearance. I keep thinking, “What else is he hiding?” Should I call him out?
Thanks,
Catfished & Concerned
Dear Catfished & Concerned,
No one, by any means, likes to be tricked and lied to. This can be even more true when it comes to matters of the heart. While it’s hard to put yourself out there and open yourself up to someone new, it’s even harder to do so when you believe the other party may be holding out. With that said, going off my definition of what it is to be “catfished,” I do not believe you were. Let’s face it – as we get older, we change. We grow up, our style evolves and hopefully it becomes much more mature looking. Unfortunately, the same can be said about our responsibilities, and in many cases as the real world starts knocking, it becomes harder and harder to stay in shape. Trust me, it sucks.
While my knowledge of Tinder is limited to drunkenly playing with my friends’ accounts at bars (BONUS ADVICE: If you’re in a relationship you should not have Tinder), from what I can recall from drunken subconscious, the whole thing works off of how esthetically pleasing you find someone from a limited number of photos, with the entire process lasting less then thirty seconds. If that was me, then for damn sure I am going to pick photos that I look absolutely awesome in, such as being shirtless during a period I felt I was in the greatest shape, while holding a puppy, and reciting poetry, but enough about me.
I want you to think long and hard about the last selfie you took, which from the era we live in and your assumed age, was probably only minutes ago. How long did it take you to pick your filter? Was your hair how you like it? Was the overhead lighting just right? I do not say this to poke fun at you, but we live in a world where our social media self must be a perfect version of how we believe we should look, and this is a shame for a great guy with a great personality who may have gained a few pounds in the last couple of years. I don’t believe he intended to deceive you, and I do not believe he wishes to lie to you. Give it a chance, and most of all give him a chance.
Best of luck,
The Dude
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]
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