Today, September 23, 2015, marks the very first day of the fall season. The Earth has quietly turned along its orbit and aligned itself perfectly for this year’s Autumnal Equinox. Some of us are in perpetual mourning, grossly unprepared for the increasingly colder days or simply incapable of wearing real pants on a regular basis.
Let me the first to tell you that you’re being a big baby and you need to embrace this wonderful season with open, gracious arms. Remember how much you b*tched and moaned about it being too hot during the summer? How you cursed global warming incessantly? Well, the universe finally is answering your calls and is turning the Earth’s temperature knob down—just as you asked.
The fall season is far superior to the summer in a myriad of ways. The temperature is just one of those millions of reasons why. Let me sit you down, avoiding spilling scalding hot coffee on your person, and explain to you why.
1. Leggings
Quite frankly, I’m so over pulling my shorts down when I’m walking around, sitting down or doing anything that requires motion, really. In the summer, you have to stay on your game and create cute outfits on a regular basis and you still have to adjust them periodically throughout the day. Of course, we all know that a cute outfit doesn’t necessarily equate a comfy outfit.
Leggings, on the other hand, effortlessly make your butt look good and are incredibly comfy to boot. Unfortunately, you can’t wear those in the height of the summer unless you want to be a walking waterfall of sweat. In the fall, however…
You get the picture I’m trying to paint.
2. Hot beverages
I recognize I’m in the minority when I say that I drink hot beverages year round. With the coming of fall, you can now transition back to drinking your steaming hot beverages to wake you up in the morning. Even better, you can now burn your hands regularly on the hot coffee–hooray! Goodbye, iced coffee, the less-impressive cousin of the Dunkin Donuts family, you never really meant much to me anyway.
3. Bugs Return To Hell Where They Belong
Two nights ago, I sat in a lounge doing homework with my friend when we came under attack by the world’s giant hornet. We subsequently ran out of said lounge into the hall and fell over until we realized that we left all of our belongings in the lounge. I thought to myself, “Well, won’t it be lovely when the fall frost kills off these nasty jerks?”
No longer will your legs be plagued by mosquito bites or will you be unpleasantly surprised by massive spiders. No longer will you accidentally walk into a cloud of buzzing gnats as they, too, have fallen into the pits of Hell, never to be seen again. I mean, of course, until June 21 rolls around once again and we go through this again.
4. Sweat-free Afternoons
How often do you dress for the freezing September mornings only to be undoubtedly drenched in sweat come noon? Thanks to fall, this is no longer a problem for us college students who are trying to look fabulous all day. Emphasis on the “all day.” Fall is constant and unchanging, meaning that the temperature in the morning is likely to stay the same for the rest of the sunlit day. Praise Jesus.
5. Apple Pie
If the previous four points were not enough to convince you, hopefully the mere thought of warm, fresh-out-of-the-oven apple pie does the trick. If it doesn’t, you’re clearly not the true patriot you say you are. (I’m thinking of a word that begins with a “C” and is associated with the color red. That’s what you are. #merica.)
There’s something incredibly lovely about stuffing your face with a sugary, delicious slice of apple pie. Eating it at any other time simply isn’t the same. Given that it’s fall, you’ve likely gone apple picking in order to make this pie. Isn’t reveling in the fruit of your labors (literally) amazing?
6. Cardigans
I woke up this morning excessively excited to wear a cardigan, knowing that I wouldn’t become a sweaty monster by 10 a.m..
Sometimes, your outfit simply isn’t complete without a cozy, cute cardigan pulling it all together. Fall lets you reach your fashion prime by reintroducing cardigans into your wardrobe. Embrace it—soon you’ll be wearing anoraks and pea coats and you’ll be very sad.
7. Halloween
Is it really fall if you didn’t celebrate Halloween this year? Don’t cite that “I’m an adult” bullsh*t. Halloween is on a Saturday this year and you have ample time to prepare for this holiday.
Halloween provides us with the opportunity to dress up as our favorite characters from our favorite television show, movie, video game or book. In addition, it also allows us to stroll into a house party half-naked and no one will bat an eyelash. In short: sign us up. Whether your Halloween is plagued by alcohol, candy or both, you’ll be sure to enjoy this holiday as there’s no other holiday quite like this one.
8. Foliage
Generally, the first thing that pops into people’s minds when they think of fall is the changing color of the leaves. I’m going to tell you right now that those fluctuating colors automatically make fall better than summer. Who gives a sh*t about green leaves? I certainly don’t. There’s no art project you can do with 50 shades of dark green, but with oranges, reds, purples and blues? Well, the possibilities are truly endless.
9. Snuggling With A Blanket Doesn’t Turn Into Suffocating In The Eighth Ring Of Dante’s Inferno.
You know the endless struggle of trying to sleep at night with a blanket but it’s too hot to do so and it’s just weird not to? In the fall, you need not worry about such nonsense. Cuddle up with your favorite blanket and leave the window open. Take in the scents of fall as you lay comfortably underneath said blanket. Don’t even bother with turning the heat on—everything is perfect as is.
10. Candles
You can create the coziest fall atmosphere with a little ambient candle lighting. The best scents come out in the fall (I’m currently burning one that is called Apple Flower and it’s spectacular) and only serve to make your blanket snuggling experience that much better.
Candles in the summer imply that there was a massive storm that knocked out your power. That’s the exact opposite of relaxation and comfort.
11. Gentle Breezes
Remember those oppressively hot summer days where the air was stagnant and you spent most of the day cursing the very moment you left the house that morning? Remember how you would beg the universe for a little wind, but your relief never came?
Fall knows that you don’t need to be knocked over by the wind, but you don’t want to eliminate it entirely. Fall won’t knock your hairstyle out of place or leave you with wind burns. It will gently caress your skin, providing a little bit of relief when the sun gets a bit too strong.
12. Thanksgiving
An excuse to engorge yourself on all kinds of foods and being expected to nod off into a food coma? Why can’t we have this every weekend?
13. God Damn Apple Picking
There is really nothing more enjoyable than going to an apple orchard with your best girlfriends and picking your weight in fresh, tasty apples. Think of all the cute Instagram pics you could snap while you’re over there! Nothing evokes more Instagram envy within my person than a tasteful and cute apple picking photo. NOTHING.
14. FLANNEL
Flannels are nearly synonymous with the fall season. Not only do they look incredibly cute, they’re warm and can complete any outfit. You can’t wear a flannel during the summer, resulting in you looking unkempt for a majority of the summer months. Sure, you could tie it around your waist, but that just isn’t the same. Even the lightest of flannels sends you into a sweating mess. Who needs that kind of stress in their life? Not you, you fall-enthusiast extraordinaire.
15. CHUGGING APPLE CIDER
Hot? Cold? Who cares? 98% of your water weight has been or will be replaced by apple cider and you FEEL NOTHING. Bathe in it, wash your hair with it, inject it intravenously, I don’t care. Enjoy this tasty beverage because it’s here for one season and one season only.
16. Layering Up
You want to wear two flannels? Go for it. You want to wear seven cardigans at once? I’m not going to judge. You want to wear those seven cardigans and the two flannels simultaneously? I embrace it. Fall is about layering up and staying warm. The summer? Wearing as little clothes as possible and still sweating like a shaggy dog in the midsummer sun.
17. Boots
You simply can’t wear boots during the summer without getting a funny look or two. If you’re the type of person to say, “F*ck ‘em,” then good for you. Unfortunately, most of us like our feet to remain sweat free and don’t like our shoes smelling like a swamp.
Fall lets us break out our Chelsea boots and combat boots to complete the outfit we had been dreaming about since July. It’s cold enough that you need to protect your feet from the oncoming frost, but still warm enough to not dress like an Eskimo.
18. Bonfire Smoke
During the summer, a bonfire might keep you warm during the colder evenings on the beach, but it’s simply not the same. There are no colored leaves to admire or crunchy ones to step on when you’re walking back from the bonfire. So, what’s the point?
During the fall, the bonfire can be used for keeping warm, but also for making s’mores and can be made when the sun is out (think of a cloudy day in a forest). The scent of burning wood and smoke? Intrinsic to a fantastic fall.
19. Oversized Sweaters
Leggings and oversized sweaters is an easy, comfy outfit that can only be utilized during the fall. The spring? It’s too warm. The summer? Far too hot. The winter? Far too cold. Break out your best college sweater or even a fun-patterned sweater to wear with your black leggings and look great for your 8 a.m. this fall semester (even with your hair all disheveled!).
Besides, even if you tried wearing an oversized sweater with shorts during the summer, it looks like you’re not wearing pants. Do you know how aggravating it is to reveal that you’re wearing shorts to everyone you pass? Really aggravating (I speak from experience).
20. Cinnamon
Cinnamon has wormed its way into everything you’ll eat this fall. Whether that be your pastries or beverages, cinnamon, too, is synonymous with the fall. There’s something incredibly comforting about the spice. Even if you’re stressed beyond belief, anything with cinnamon will talk you down and ease you into a state of bliss.
21. Perfect Walking Weather
The world is no longer in the season of hell fire, therefore, you can safely leave your house and enjoy the cool weather with a significant other, your parents or your best friends. Not only is the world now a kaleidoscope of colors, but there are fallen leaves everywhere, making it a perfect time to kick about those colored leaves.
I mean, I guess you could walk around your neighborhood like a proper adult, but making those leaves fly is a key part of the fun of a fall walk.
22. Pumpkin Picking
You’re never too old to go to your local nursery and pick out a pumpkin. Express your inner Michelangelo and carve that pumpkin to your heart’s content.
23. The Seasonal Game Of “Firework or Gun Shot?” Comes To A Close
No longer will your late evenings be plagued by the sound of fireworks exploding above your house. Are they really fireworks though? Could it potentially be gun shots from the town over? You’re never too sure.
In the fall, those festivities are over. Everyone has returned to their regular routines and lifestyles and has let firing colorful explosives into the sky fall to the side.
