There are some classes that it takes not only energy to drag yourself to, but also courage. Some classes simply do not deserve your time or energy, for that matter. However long your class is, that specific time slot on that given day strikes fear into your heart. Your brain cannot take yet another hour long bore session–it knows you have things to do. This class is on the very bottom of your “things that are important” list. Unfortunately, because you signed up for this dreaded class (despite your friends’ helpful warnings during registration week), you have no choice but to attend your own personal weekly hellhole. Even an undone homework assignment can’t be a reason to skip that class, because with essay writing service you’ll be able to have your assignments diligently done by a professional. The expert will be able to do the task and you won’t miss the deadline and be able to turn it in on time. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t be purposely late. You just need to be creative with your excuses.
Your professor has heard all of them before, therefore, you need to keep it fresh and interesting for them. You’re just being considerate, really.
1. It’s Raining
I did not slave over my hair only to have it destroyed by the rain in five seconds. Doctor, Professor, sir ma’am sir, I’m sure you could sympathize with me in this moment.
2. The Campus Wi-Fi Was Down
I couldn’t tell what it was like outside and Lord knows I wouldn’t use my parents’ data plan to figure out the weather.
Opening the window? What do I look like to you, some sort of plebeian? I don’t do fresh air.
3. I Injured Myself Doing The Skinny Jean Dance
Doing the skinny jean dance, I kicked my bed frame and “broke” my foot. Maybe if the school paid for decent-sized rooms, I wouldn’t be hurting myself by banging into tightly-packed furniture as I try to get ready for your class. I could even be on time!
4. My Desk Set On Fire
In trying to multitask, I left my flat iron on my desk and spent far too long in the bathroom. Now there’s a heap of ash in my room and now I have nowhere to work.
Let’s leave the professor blissfully unaware that the desks provided by your college or university aren’t made with actual wood.
5. The Cleaning Ladies Trapped Me In My Room
They were cleaning the floor! I needed to respect their profession!
What? I don’t respect your profession by being late? La, la, la, can’t hear you!
6. Are You Asking Me To Skip The Most Important Meal Of The Day?
God, Michelle Obama is going to be so pissed.
7. I Had To Amputate My Hand Because I Spilled Hot Coffee On It
I had to amputate my hand. The burns were too severe; my hand was too red—I didn’t want to do you a disservice and have you look at the monstrosity.
No, I have nothing behind my back.
8. I Slipped On A Banana Peel On My Way Here
Don’t you know anything about college students? Apparently throwing fruit at buildings, out of windows or simply slamming them on the ground is a fun thing to do. Lo and behold, I fell straight on my *ss because some smart*ss dropped his banana peel on the ground like this is a 1950s comedy come to life.
9. I Have A Netflix Hangover
Don’t even try to pretend that you haven’t been there, professor. I was up into the wee hours binging a new television series to—to better aid my understanding of the text! Yep! That’s it!
At least I wasn’t “Netflix & Chilling,” jeez.
10. I Was Trapped In Elevator Purgatory
Not only did the elevator take its sweet time coming to my floor, but one of the idiot freshmen pressed every God damn button. I swear, it’s not me!
11. My Room Is Cold
I just couldn’t bring myself to part myself from my warm bed and enter the Arctic Tundra. I just couldn’t.
Turn on the heat? Professor, they’ll raise my tuition again!
12. I Needed To Pray To God For Strength To Get Me Through This Class
He didn’t answer.
13. The Thought Of Lugging Down Your Textbook To Class Put Me In The Counseling Center
The mental and physical toll came to head before this class, professor. How in the world do you think making me lug an anthology of about 3,000 pages every other day is appropriate? How come you don’t have the textbook, huh? How come you’re allowed to buy the electronic copy of the book and we weren’t, HUH!?
14. My Backpack Was So Heavy, A Gust Of Wind Knocked Me Off Kilter And Threw Me Down The Stairs
Because of said 3,000 page anthology, the weight distribution on my person was terrible at best. Here I am, broken and bloody, because a gust of wind swept me off my feet (in the least romantic way possible) and threw me down a set of concrete, rocky stairs.
But I’m here, isn’t that something?
15. I Saw A Dog
He was a golden retriever and he was fluffy and he was yellow and he had a tongue and he had the prettiest brown eyes and he was so happy unlike me because I am in this stupid class I am so mad at you because I had to come here and not stay with the dog.
What the f*ck, man!?
16. My Suitemate Decided To Move Into The Bathroom
Late last night, I watched her crawl into that tiny space with a quilt and she never came out. My apologies for looking like a mountain troll with bad breath to boot.
I’m not sorry about being late, though.
17. My Keurig Broke
You didn’t actually expect me to come to this snore-fest without a hot cup of coffee, did you?
18. I Was Glued To The Toilet After A Post-Dining Hall Mistake
Look, I was excited, ate too much penne alla vodka at the dining hall and spent the next two hours paying for it. Surely, you can sympathize with me, professor.
At least it wasn’t your bathroom.
19. I Was Busy Contemplating All The Things I Could Do During The Time I Waste During Your Class
Like playing with that dog I saw. That was number one on my list.
20. All My Leggings Are Dirty And I Needed Time To Cry About Putting On Real Pants
Ever since I “broke my foot” in the last skinny jean dance, I’ve prescribed myself a daily dose of leggings only. Now they’re all dirty and I had to overcome my fear of real pants.
Yes, I may have broken my foot again. Yes, that’s why I’m late.