There’s something magical about the coming of October. The falling of the warm-colored leaves; the brisk breezes that ruffle your hair just perfectly; the cooling of the Earth; the end of the semester–
Wait, hold on. [Insert record scratch here.] The semester doesn’t end in the middle of October.
Unfortunately, the typical college student reacts to the typical 14-15 week long semester by checking out somewhere in the middle of it. As you lay in bed, covered head-to-toe in papers that make little to no sense to you, you dream of Thanksgiving, Christmas even, and the days when you weren’t plagued by professors. You continue to avoid your work, trudging throughout the day as if some higher being is testing your patience.
Forget trudging about on campus, you’re more likely to be found in bed, maybe properly clothed. You haven’t done your laundry in weeks. You just want to go home. You’re over this college “thing.”
You’re done with this semester. Who said college was fun?
1. You Refuse To Attend Your Morning Class
Whoever invented classes before noon was probably the devil incarnate. Not only have you lost the will to live, you have lost the will to attend your classes in the morning. As images of burning money appear in your brain, it takes a lot more than an alarm to get you out of bed.
2. You’re A Pro At Sleeping Through Your Alarm
Even if you set seven alarms in fifteen minute increments to attempt to make your dreaded morning class, some way, somehow, you have managed to sleep through each and every one of those alarms. Despite your phone resting right beside your head as you slumber, you stir not.
3. You Can’t Remember When You Opened Your Textbook Last
They stand menacingly before you as you continue on your Netflix binge, your Tumblr “break” or gaming session. They’re covered in dust and are without wear. You genuinely can’t remember the last time you opened those textbooks. Your wallet is ready to beat you senseless. “Use the damn things!” it spits.
4. You Might Attend Class With A Pen
If by some miracle you found yourself in a cold classroom desk one miserable morning during the semester, you might have came prepared with a pen to write with. Unfortunately, you lack the notebook and paper to use the pen on. At least you tried, right?
5. But That Pen Has Dried Up Ages Ago
One evening, you uncapped this pen in an attempt to do your schoolwork, but decided that going to bed or taking a nap was a far better idea. As a result, that pen was the first thing you found on your mess that is a desk. Unfortunately, you cruelly stole a life of purpose away from this innocent pen. It’s ink is dry-it doesn’t work.
6. You Go To Bed At A Reasonable Hour
Because you’re in constant state of refusal to do work, that means you have more than ample amounts of time to rest your weary eyes.
7. Your Wardrobe Has Turned Into 50 Shades Of Grey Sweatpants
If anyone sees you out and about from your residence hall, it’s never in your best clothes. You can usually be found in leggings or your favorite pair of grey sweatpants if you’re not pantless in bed. Your body has rejected the notion of jeans entirely.
8. Coffee Is No Longer Your Miracle Cure
When you were drowsy in the morning, coffee was your quick fix for your morning classes. Now, when you find the courage to go to said morning classes, you’re left without a solution. You could guzzle down gallons of the caffeinated beverage only to find yourself more tired than before. Truly, it’s all the more reason to stay in bed.
9. You Haven’t Seen Your Desk In Weeks
Not only is the poor thing covered in un-opened textbooks, it has turned into your multi-purpose piece of furniture. It is your vanity, laundry basket and makeup station. A desk for schoolwork? A preposterous thought.
10. “Skimming Through Something” Has Taken On A Whole New Meaning
Nowadays, you don’t even give your assigned readings the pleasure of seeing your eyes move. You stare down at the tragic piece of black and white paper and claim that you have substantially read the material and you fully understand it. A nice, quick skim through.
What was the reading on?
11. The Frequency In Which You Take Naps Has Exponentially Increased
When you have very little else to do, your bed sweetly beckons your name. Who are you to deny its gentle call to you? Are you a monster?
12. Your Notes Look Like A 5 Year Old’s Coloring Book
Instead of doing, you know, what you’re actually supposed to do in class, you’ve taken up to doodling things around the classroom, practicing different font styles and writing song lyrics in the margins. Upon opening your notes to find the notes you need, you find chicken-scratch, coffee-stained pages and bleeding ink.
13. What’s A Library?
If it’s not a building that holds food or more scenic places for you to nap, quite frankly, you’re not interested.
14. Your Diet Is A Steady, Healthy Mix Of Fried Breading & Grease
A salad doesn’t offer the comforts that fried chicken fingers and mozzarella sticks can. When you want to go to sleep happy, you simply don’t eat lightly dressed leaves of arugala. Since you’re sleeping 99% of the time you’re at school, you haven’t eaten anything that was green since you left home back in August. Your mother is crying.
15. Your Agenda Book Has Gone “Missing”
And by gone missing, you mean that it has been lost to either the mess that is your desk or you purposely threw it somewhere in a fit of frustration. In short, any attempt to get organized this semester has been lost. To avoid such emotions, it’s probably best to just sleep it off.
I don’t need to tell you that-I’m sure you’re an expert on such cures already.