If Believe You’re The Reason For The Breakup, You Probably Are

That clichéd line, “It’s not you, it’s me,” may actually hold more truth to it than you initially thought. Sure, maybe you were a little clingy…stalked his Facebook and cried every time you saw him, but you couldn’t possibly be the reason for the breakup, right? Or could you?

According to a new study from Stanford, if you think you were the reason for the relationship crashing and burning, chances are you’re probably right.

Lauren Howe (a psych student getting her PhD) and her professor, Carol Dweck, wanted to see why some people have such a hard time getting over someone, whereas other people can keep living life like it ain’t no thang.

From The Washington Post:

Howe’s research found that people who agreed with this statement — “The kind of person you are is something very basic about you and it can’t be changed much” — were more likely to view past romantic rejections negatively and report that the rejection made them question their own self worth.

Additionally, those who believed the relationship ending was a statement about who they are as a person were more likely to want to suppress the memory and did not view it as a learning experience. When asked to write about their past relationships, the study participants who believed personality is fixed were more likely to say the breakup revealed that they were an individual who is, for example, too sensitive or too needy.

Holding on to past hurt also influenced how optimistic the participants were about future romantic prospects. They worried the personality flaws that ruined their last relationship would impact the next.

But personality is malleable. Even if a person was overly sensitive or needy in a past relationship, there are many outside factors that could have influenced those behaviors.

In other words, who you were then isn’t necessarily who you’ll always be. That’s some deep sh*t, amiright? So go ahead and get under someone to get over your last f*ckboy, and stop self-sabotaging.

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