I’ve been single on Valentine’s Day and I’ve also had boyfriends, but the bottom line is, February 14 is garbage. If you’re dating someone, there’s pressure to buy or make the perfect gift, and if you’re single, you want to lay in bed all day eating Ben and Jerry’s until 12:00 am the following day. It’s a lose-lose.
Yet when you’re feeling down in the dumps that your BFF just got proposed to and you’re not even dating anyone, read this list below and remember that being single on a Hallmark holiday isn’t the end of the world. In fact, things could be way worse.
Doubting me as you continue to stuff your face with Phish Food? I dare you to pick up that spoon again after reading this:
1. Sending a text message to the wrong person.
2. Monday mornings.
3. When your phone dies in public.
4. The delivery guy bringing you the wrong food.
6. Getting your period in public.
7. Drinking cranberry juice without vodka.
9. Eating sugar free or fat free anything.
10. Stepping on a Lego.
11. Getting a piece of hair stuck in your eye that you can’t get out.
12. The zipper separating on your favorite jacket.
15. Bad sex.
16. Being stuck on an airplane with a screaming child.
17. Running out of wine.
18. Being hangry.
19. The Chipotle e-coli outbreak.
20. “Reply all” emails.
21. Group chats.
22. A cracked phone screen…
23. …Having to pay for a new phone.
24. When people don’t replace the empty toilet paper roll.
25. Throwing up.
28. Or being uncomfortably cold.
29. Your family’s questions at Thanksgiving. And Christmas. And literally any holiday.
30. Having to poop at a party.
31. Being kidnapped by a cartel.
32. Going to the gynecologist.
33. Or dentist.
34. Or literally any doctor who sticks their hands where you don’t want them.
35. Having to spend the day with someone you hate.
36. People abusing animals.
37. The Kardashians.
38. Death of a loved one.
39. When someone ruins your sneeze…on purpose.
41. Student loans.
43. Anything you have to pay for.
44. Accidentally clicking on an ad and it taking you to the App Store.
45. Having the giggles at church.
46. The Manitowoc County Sheriff’s Department.
47. Realizing you don’t have a condom.
48. The word ‘mucus.’
52. Taking out a pack of gum and having the whole world ask you for a piece.
54. Getting hit by a bus.
55. Germany in 1942.
See? Life’s not so bad. When you’re feeling upset that you don’t have anyone to Netflix and chill with, just be glad you’re not Britney Spears circa 2007, and enjoy the damn day.