“Hey, you up?”
You may have been asleep when you heard your phone go off, or maybe you were in the middle of a serious Netflix binge. Regardless, it’s definitely between the hours of 1 am and 3 am, and your casual hookup just sent you the typical “I want to f*ck you right now” text.
You lay there for a while wondering if you should pretend you’re asleep and never got the message or if you want sex so badly, you’re willing to respond back with something like, “Yeah. Can’t sleep…”
Once you decide you’re going with the latter (obviously), your mind starts to race. You’re currently makeup free, haven’t shaved in two weeks (it’s winter), and should probably wash your hair.
1. “On my way.”
3. That means I have like 20 minutes.
4. Maybe I should jump in the shower.
5. Actually, there’s no time.
6. I should at least put on some lingerie?
7. Nah, that looks like I’m trying too hard.
8. Yoga pants and a t-shirt it is.
9. I feel like guys like yoga pants more than lingerie anyway.
10. I should light a candle to set the mood.
11. Again, trying too hard.
12. My mom would definitely not approve of this.
13. I wonder if she used to get it in late at night too.
14. Bleh, don’t think about that right now.
15. Is he driving like my grandma?
16. I’m seriously falling asleep.
17. Maybe this was a bad idea.
19. When is sex ever a bad idea?
20. Most of the time. The answer is most of the time.
21. Whatever. YOLO.
22. Do people still use that phrase?
23. I should probably brush my teeth.
24. “Almost there.”
26. *Insert pacing around the room here.*
27. I really hope we don’t have to do any small talk.
28. I’m the worst at small talk.
29. Maybe I should take a shot of something.
30. And brush my teeth again.
31. Nah, that’s annoying.
32. *Internally convincing myself I’m just as cool without alcohol.*
33. Do I have feelings for him?
34. Wait, does he have feelings for me?
35. Ew, no.
36. Wait, maybe.
38. Seriously falling asleep over here.
39. Why can’t booty calls be like a 12 pm thing?
40. See ya boss man, booty calls.
41. I mean duty.
43. I wonder how many rounds we’ll go tonight.
44. That one time we hung out during daylight was fun.
45. Maybe we’ll get food after.
46. On second thought, that involves more small talk.
47. And he’ll prob fall asleep within .5 seconds afterwords anyway.
48. I hope I make it to work tomorrow.
49. Is he a f*ckboy?
50. Where did that word even come from all of a sudden?
51. I wonder if he’ll be able to tell I’ve been going to the gym.
53. Let’s do this. 🍆