Your birthday comes but once a year, so you want to do it right. (Okay, your birthday week.) But your actual day of birth is a pretty big deal, TBH. In fact, there can be a lot of pressure involved in making it just the way you want. You sent out that Facebook invite to 47 people, but what if no one shows up? *Insert mild panic attack.*
At the end of the day though, just enjoy it. Who cares if only two people come? Put on your highest heels (that you can still walk in without looking like a baby giraffe), wear that plastic tiara, and go dance on a table with a hot dude. It’s your day; do whatever the f*ck you want.
Here’s to hoping all of your birthday wishes come true:
1. You wake up to your phone blowing up with messages. iMessages, tweets, posts on your wall, those paragraph-long Instagram dedications from your BFFs. You want all of it.
2. Brunch. Lots and lots of brunch. Give your cereal box a rest today and enjoy some eggs benedict, dammit. You deserve it.
3. Also, get a mimosa (or 12) with that.
4. And don’t you dare pay. For anything, actually. Those shots you’ll be taking later, the uber to that dude’s apartment you just met. Whatever it is, your wallet is off limits for the day. 🙅
5. The statement, “Birthday calories don’t count” is a very real thing.
6. Skip class. Because you don’t want to listen to your professor drone on about Aristotle today. Or any day, really.
7. Have cake at least four times.
8. In fact, eat whatever the hell you want. Ben and Jerry’s, pizza, cheese cubes smothered in more cheese sprinkled with bacon. Remember that whole “birthday calories don’t count” thing?
9. A surprise party would be cool.
10. Wink, wink. 😉
11. Money. Lots and lots of money. From anyone and everyone you know.
12. Oral sex. Without the expectation of returning the favor.
14. The guy you’ve been getting mixed signals from finally decides to commit.
15. And takes you out to dinner.
16. And brings you flowers.
17. And has the wait staff sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to you around a cake with sparklers.
18. On second thought, that sounds slightly terrifying.
19. He also buys you a puppy.
20. And offers back rubs daily.
21. And you live happily ever after.
Too much? Nah. It’s your birthday! Get drunk AF and enjoy.