I’m just gonna come out and say it. Kanye West is a super douche. BOOM, you heard it here first. Actually, probably not. If you’re at least a semi-functioning adult who watches E! News or reads College Candy every so often 😉, you’d know that not many people like this guy. Why? Maybe because he compares himself to Picasso “or greater,” when really he’s about as useful as an appendix.
Sure, “Stronger” is a pretty catchy song and I might’ve known all the lyrics to it sophomore year of high school, but I’m not really into a guy who takes the spotlight away from other artists (ahem Taylor Swift) or thinks he’s Jesus because he designed a pair of sneakers and made a few semi-decent auto-tuned hits.
Let’s take a walk down memory lane, shall we, and see what gems Kim K’s hubby has actually said out loud.
#kanye2020 #overmydeadbody
1. “When you’re the absolute best, you get hated on the most.”
Correction: When you’re the absolute worst.
2. “One of my biggest achilles heels has been my ego. And if I, Kanye West, can remove my ego, I think there’s hope for everyone.”
But like, his ego seems bigger than ever before? Call me crazy, but…actually call him crazy.
3. “My greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.”
I mean, you can watch a recording of it?
4. “Humbly, I would say I’m the most influential person in footwear right now…I’ll say, ‘truthfully.’”
TBH, I think Kylie Jenner is killin’ it rn. Sorry, Yeezy.
5. “My goal, if I was going to do art, fine art, would have been to become Picasso or greater… That always sounds so funny to people, comparing yourself to someone who has done so much, and that’s a mentality that suppresses humanity…”
Okay, but you’re not doing fine art. It’s good to have goals, though.
6. “I think I deserve more [grammys].”
I think you deserve like, a pile of rocks maybe?
7. “If Kim had dated me when I first wanted to be with her, there wouldn’t be an Amber Rose…It’s very hard for a woman to want to be with someone that’s with Amber Rose. So she wasn’t sending nothing. I had to take 30 showers before I got with Kim. Don’t ask me no more. I wanna be respectful.”
What a charmer, huh?
8. “I believe that I’m gonna be the head of the first trillion dollar company. When I get to that point, no rapper would ever have to worry about anything again…I owe every hip-hop artist.”
Good luck, buddy. (Also, he’s not giving anyone sh*t).
9. “They love each other. They respect each other. When Beyoncé’s working on an album, she has pictures of Kim on the wall, because Kim represents powerful women. Kim be playing ’711′ video, playing it for our daughter. Maybe there’s a LeBron James-Kobe element to it — I ain’t say that.”
Wait so, Beyonce serenades a picture of Kim Kardashian when she’s in the studio? Lololololololololololololol. Oh sorry, my the keyboard got stuck there for a second.
10. “I will be the leader of a company that ends up being worth billions of dollars, because I got the answers. I understand culture. I am the nucleus.”
What happened to trillions?
11. “I remember, I was trying to get on the basketball team in 8th grade. I hit every free throw, hit every lay up, and I looked at the list and I wasn’t on the list, and then the coach gave me the ‘Kanye shrug.’”
Wow, Kanye, is there anything you can’t do? You’re just a jack of all trades, aren’t cha?
12. “People say that they look sort of like the Uggs, right? But what’s so bugged out is that I’m really working on trying to make a sexier Ugg.”
Such a visionary.
13. “I think what Kanye West is going to mean is something similar to what Steve Jobs means. I am undoubtedly, you know, Steve of internet, downtown, fashion, culture. Period. By a long jump. I honestly feel that because Steve has passed, you know, it’s like when Biggie passed and Jay Z was allowed to become Jay Z.”
Is this dude forreal? Steve Jobs didn’t die for you to reach your fullest potential.
14. “Sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy and so self-absorbed. I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book’s autograph. I am a proud non-reader of books.”
Ahh, a role model for today’s youth. Sometimes you don’t need to write a book to be self-absorbed. COUGH COUGH; HINT, HINT.
15. “I hate when I’m on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like oh great now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle.”
Wait, what?
16. One of the problems with being a bubbling source of creativity – it’s like I’m bubbling in a laboratory, and if you don’t put a cap on it, at one point it will, like, break the glass. If I can hone that… then I have, like, nuclear power, like a superhero, like Cyclops when he puts his glasses on.”
Can we put a cap on it, plz?
17. “I don’t even listen to rap. My apartment is too nice to listen to rap in.”
Literally what does this even mean?
18. “I am the number one human being in music. That means any person that’s living or breathing is number two.”
Always so humble.
19. “Oh my God, I’m one of the greatest rappers in the world.”
Another example of his humbleness.
20. “I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice.”
Yeah because you won’t shut the f*ck up.
Word of advice, Kanye? Just stop talking. You’ll be better off…as will the rest of the world.