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Every friend group has that one friend who’s a hot mess. It’s the friend who wakes up in her outfit from the night before, is always late, and just doesn’t have a grip on life. If you’re sitting there with a beer in one hand and bottle of vodka in the other, it’s probably you. Embrace it!
For anyone who’s still in denial, here are the 16 signs you’re the one friend who has zero chill.
1. You’re always late
Whether it’s five minutes or an hour, you literally can’t ever make it on time — ever. After a certain point, your friends give up on you getting to dinner reservations on-time.
2. Your room is a disaster
Since you are always in a rush from being constantly late, your room is as big of a mess as you are. Your room is probably a mountain of clothes with empty vodka bottles at the top.
3. You always have some kind of visible injury
From black eyes to scraped knees you always have at least one injury. You’re the kind of person who wakes up with bruises and has absolutely no idea where the hell they came from.
4. Dominos is the most called number in your phone
If you’re the hot mess, you call the pizza place more than you call your own parents. You’re ordering pizza because you’re too lazy to cook or too drunk. No shame in that — pizza is awesome!
5. You never learn your limit
Your friends have definitely had to carry you home one too many times. No mater how many times you wake up with vomit in your hair, you just can’t seem to learn your limit.
6. Doing your laundry is your biggest accomplishment
It’s taken you three weeks to do it and it will probably take you another three to put the clothes away. Oh well — you can’t win them all!
7. Waking up before noon doesn’t happen
If you ever wake up early, your friends assume there’s something wrong with you. Everyone knows that you’re not a person until at least 12pm and to never make plans with you unless it’s past that time.
8. You never know what day it is
Thank God for your birth control pill or you would never know the difference between Monday and Friday.
9. Dry shampoo is your best friend
You honestly can’t remember the last time you washed your hair and you don’t care. Your hair is probably in a messy bun anyway because ain’t nobody got time for that.
10. Your phone screen is cracked
You’ve cracked your phone screen so many times that the people at the Apple store know your name.
11.You are the queen of the drunk text
Texting your ex is never a good idea, but you do it anyway. You’re the person who wakes up in the morning with a lot of regret.
12. You’re almost always forgetting something
You’re the friend who never remembers to hand in assignments on time and can barely remember to turn your straightener off in the morning. You’re surprised if you remember to eat three meals a day and brush your teeth.
13. You are the source of amusement
The craziest situations happen to you and people are constantly telling stories about all of the things you’ve done. You’re the person who brings the entertainment to the group. Between you falling down the stairs or dancing with an old guy, a night with you is never boring.
14. People assume you’re drunk all of the time
“Are you drunk?” seems to be the question you get asked the most. Even though, your life is in a downward spiral, you’re always laughing and making the best out of every situation.
15. All of your relationships are “complicated”
Dating is nearly impossible for you but hooking up with people and forgetting their name isn’t. Every relationship in your life has been complicated and you’ve now given up and considered marrying your cat.
Accept the fact that you are a hot mess and be proud of who you are, because being a disaster is a form of art and you’re the Mona f*cking Lisa.
