This Couple Was Arrested For Assaulting Each Other With Pizza Rolls

Assaulting your partner is never good, but in the case of Brad Scott Beard, 24, and his girlfriend Samantha Brooke Canipe, 21, it’s darkly comical.

The couple from North Carolina were arrested and charged with one count of misdemeanor simple assault Monday after the two allegedly started throwing pizza rolls at each other. Yes, this is real life.

The suspects apparently got into a fight at their Gastonia apartment around 1 a.m., and somehow started throwing pizza rolls at each other. While the motive remains uncertain, one element to this case does not: what a f*cking waste of a good pizza roll. Assuming the two were drunk (actually, I’m hoping the couple was drunk), you’re really going to waste an awesome drunk pizza roll to throw at your dumb boyfriend? No argument in the world could justify what these people did to a good pizza roll. Not. One.

Luckily the two will be punished for their crimes: Beard faces 60 days in jail and Canipe faces 30 days. Serves you right.

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