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A Sex Therapist Explained Why Some Women Call Their Partners ‘Daddy’ In The Bedroom

Sex Therapist Daddy


Let me tell you a little story that will scar you for life.

There was this guy on my floor freshman year — let’s call him Kyle — who lost his virginity during the first few months of school. Kyle wasn’t exceptionally attractive and he sweat a lot, so that was kind of upsetting. But for some reason my friend thought he was cute and no matter how many times we tried to talk her out of it, she wouldn’t listen. So one night, after a few hours of tequila shots and mindless grinding against strangers, she hooked up with him. Initially she had no idea he was a virgin, but she suspected it right before the Big O when he looked her dead in the eye and asked, “Who’s your daddy?”

My immediate reaction upon hearing this story:

If a man looked at me mid-thrust and asked who my daddy was, I would immediately tell him he lives in Pennsylvania and leave. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m not into being asked that question by someone I’m hooking up with, nor would I ever call a dude I was dating daddy. But what makes me gag makes another person shudder with pleasure.

According to sex therapist Vanessa Marin, women who call their partners ‘daddy’ in the heat of the moment aren’t thinking about their fathers (hallelujah!), but instead are perpetuating a ’70s pornographic cliché.

“Yes, ‘daddy’ can mean ‘father,’ but we also use the word to indicate when someone is the boss, in charge, a protector, or doing a good job,” Marin explained. “That’s usually the meaning women are going for in the bedroom. It’s a bit of a ’70s porn cliché. I’ve never run across a woman who called her partner ‘daddy’ because she genuinely liked fantasizing that he was her father.”

As for women who refer to their partners “Daddy” with a capital d, this typically refers to sub/dom relationships. According to various Redditors, it’s a kinder, less formal and more affectionate way of saying “sir.”

So there you have it, folks! If you’re into calling your partner “daddy,” cool. If you’re not, also cool. Just do you! Just as long as you’re not referring to your actual dad.


Writer and editor living in New York City who also loves Taking Back Sunday, bad reality TV, and Leonardo DiCaprio (not necessarily in that order).