Why You Shouldn’t Be Sad To Be Single

Not many of us make the decision to check the single box when asked about our relationship status. It’s not exactly an easy life. Not only is it a painful reminder of past loves every time we scroll and see cute couple pictures on Instagram, but we can really feel the struggle on those lonely nights when there’s no shoulder to cry on or someone to text goodnight.

I’m one of those people who has been in a relationship their entire life. “Single” was a foreign language to me and one I never wanted to learn to speak. A few months ago, after a heart-crushing breakup, I was forced to really be single for the first time. I had usually done the heart-breaking and for once it was me who was left heartbroken. Needless to say, the thought of jumping straight into dating someone else and opening up like I had done in the past was a cringe-worthy idea this time around. I had no feelings for anyone else, anytime my friends dragged me out I had no desire to talk to any guys, every song I heard was like a knife to my chest, everywhere I looked I saw happy couples and with anything I did considered how it would make me look to my ex. Learning to speak “single” was a complete misery.

Little did I know that I wasn’t learning to speak “single” yet, I was just learning to mourn a relationship. To me, single was defined as being without him, my ex. Even the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines being single as being unaccompanied by others, relating to celibacy and not having or including another. How depressing is that? On the bright side, people tell the truth when they say it gets easier day by day, and while I still have my occasional moments of weakness and heartache, my definition of single changed from that into being an independent, strong and free-willed individual. Although that is not the proper definition listed in the dictionary, it is the one I finally believe in and the one that is the truth.

Here’s why being single is nothing to be sad about.

Being single is possibly one of the ONLY (and the best!) ways you can get to know and love yourself. 

Sounds very cliche, but it’s the truth. If you depend on gaining love and admiration from another individual, you are only setting yourself up for failure. When they point out flaws in you, it will hurt and you may try to change those things, but you didn’t learn it on your own. If they ever make you feel like you’re not good enough and walk away, you will be devastated and left asking yourself where you went wrong. I asked myself a million times what I could have done differently or how I could change things about myself to be someone he could never walk away from. I’ve finally realized just how unhealthy that mindset is and how dependent on others’ approval I was. Now I’m focused on learning what I love to do, what makes me happy and not on impressing others. When I’m at fault, no one is telling me to change and I notice it myself. It gives me a chance to say, “I really should work on that,” and something about making progress after that is really self-satisfying. It’s a proven fact in psychology that people are more likely to listen or change when they’re not being told to by other people.

You become your own knight in shining armor. 

Most of us girls are guilty of breaking down and shedding a tear to our boyfriends. They give us hugs, flowers, chocolates and kisses to make the pain go away. But what happens when you’re single? You still cry, but you get stronger. You realize in many situations that the only one looking out for you is you. Over time you come up with your own solutions to your problems, you complain less and you become more independent. When you become more independent and start to fall in love with yourself you take away that option of letting some guy hurt you in the future. If they leave you, you will be able to laugh it off and know that someone out there will appreciate all of you and NEVER doubt that you’re not good enough.

You learn to think for yourself. 

Movie nights, cuddle sessions and date nights are all fine and dandy until you wake up one day and realize you wasted a ton of time that you should have been thinking about YOUR future. Love will always be there, but what happens if you dedicate years to another person and it doesn’t work out? You realize how much time flew by and you have no plans for yourself in the future. You were always thinking of a future with them and by doing so, you lost your own journey. I couldn’t tell you the countless amount of times I put off school assignments, gym sessions and chores to spend every waking second I could with my ex. In giving up so much alone time, I was also giving up time that I needed to keep my life in order. Now with all the alone time I have on my hands, I have been able to do things I never would have thought of doing in the past, things that make such a difference in my life. I’m picking up old hobbies that spark ideas for my future, I’m getting back in shape, my room is always spotless, I’m motivated to work more and finding different ways to make more money. I’m getting into a routine that is MINE and I’ve realized that when I get into my next relationship they will become a part of my routine and not become the entire routine themselves.

You deepen the relationships with the people that can’t “break-up” with you. 

We all know people who are guilty of being attached at the hip with their significant other. Well, I’m guilty of that too. I invited him everywhere and always chose to spend time with him over my friends and family. Months would go by and I wouldn’t see certain friends. It made transitioning into the single life that much harder. Now, my friendships with my girlfriends are growing much stronger. There is no pressure to be anyone but yourself around your friends and family. They will listen to you cry, tell you when you’re being an idiot and point out your potential suitors in every bar you go to until you finally shut up about your ex. Friends don’t tell you what to do, what to wear and who you can and can’t talk to. If anything, our friends encourage us to be our best while laughing with us through some of our biggest failures, without judgment. Strengthening these relationships will help you to not feel as alone and while they might not be giving you goodnight kisses, they’re usually only a text or a call away if you really need a good venting session.

You can literally do whatever you want.

You can eat what you want whenever you want. You can take as long as you want to get ready without someone bothering you from the other room. You can binge watch chick flicks or that Netflix series you’ve been dying to see. You can not shave for weeks at a time if you desire. You can take a trip with some friends or have as many girls nights out without hearing complaints. Dye your hair blue if it’s something you’ve always wanted to try. You can spend your night lighting candles and dancing around to “Single Ladies” by Beyonce in your underwear with no remorse. You can wear that low-cut top or short dress your significant other never approved of. You can do anything your heart desires because at the end of the day, the only person you need to ask permission of is yourself.

It always starts out the same. The awkward transition from living your life as an “us” into a me, myself and I. After a while, you don’t notice every couple around you and you’ll realize just how many people are really single out there like you. The songs that made you cry will become songs that remind you how strong you have become. Whether you’re newly single and groveling or have been single for a while, but you’re still having a hard time seeing the bright side in it, there is always one positive aspect that you should always remember: Being single will allow you to fall in love with yourself if you’re open to it. Once you’ve finally mastered it and learned who you are and what it is you want, you won’t ever have to question yourself in a relationship ever again. The right person will fall into your life at the right time and love you for YOU. Every girl loves a good romance novel and just because one guy decided he didn’t want to be the leading man in your story doesn’t mean that you don’t have many more chapters to look forward to. Don’t ever forget that.

Bonner Bolton: 15 Sexiest Photos On The Internet
Bonner Bolton: 15 Sexiest Photos On The Internet
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