Breakups are the absolute worst. Whether or not you did the breaking up, it’s still hard to move on.
Two months ago, my relationship ended and it hasn’t been an easy road to getting over it and becoming myself again. As I was wondering how to effectively get over my breakup, I got an idea from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. I thought to myself, ‘If only there was a guide on how to get over a guy in 1o days.’ So, I decided to give it a go and do something every day to help myself see things clearer and see a light at the end of a very dark tunnel.
Here is what I did in order to get over a guy in 10 days.
Take a breath. Today is your day to lay in bed with ice cream and wine and to let it all out! We all need a good cry sometimes and I needed one more day to just let it all go before I vowed to hold the tears in. You’ll probably think about the good times, scroll through old pictures, ask yourself where things went wrong and wonder why in the world this is happening to you. Just recuperate today.
Wipe away that mascara and get out of bed. Starting today, the new love of your life is yourself. Look in the mirror and grab a lipstick. On the right side, write the things you love about yourself. On the left, write the things you want to work on. One side will remind you of all the things that make you special and why that guy was an idiot for letting you go. The other side will remind you what you want to do to better yourself in the future. Next, get on your phone and erase your texts and remove your ex from social media. Social media is a knife to the chest. Your ex’s posts on social media can feel like a personal jab, hurting you without giving you the ability to fully let go. You need to remove the temptation and the possibility of ending up wrapped in your feelings again. This is a lot to do in one single day, but you can do this.
Make an effort to do things you love each day. Have your favorite breakfast, put on the clothes you want to wear, order your favorite pizza. Anything you might have done differently for your guy, do it all for yourself now. Want to wear your shirt a little more cropped or your skirt a little higher? Perfect. Personally, when I look my best, I feel my best. I got out of my sweats and started to try again. I promised that starting now I was going to look and dress the part of the strong, beautiful woman I knew I was (and still am). Play the part, be the part.
Rekindle your friendships. It’s girl time. Grab a drink with your girls. Even if you’re not ready to jump into the dating scene, friends are a great distraction without any pressure. If you’re looking to expand your tribe, Bumble’s BFF feature is a great new way to meet people around you looking to make friends.
Personally, I lucked out this particular day. I went home for the night and had a get-together with my girlfriends, who hadn’t seen as much of me when I was with my man. It was perfect. Do what I did and use this opportunity to catch up, gossip, talk about what an ass your ex is and then move on from the topic. Wine, laughing and friends are serious medications for post-breakup remedying. The next morning my mom said to me, “It’s really great to hear you laughing hard like that again.” I understood at this point how badly the breakup affected me because people around me noticed I wasn’t being the usual happy, outgoing self I’ve always been. I knew I was making progress.
If you’re like me, you get comfortable with who you’re dating and forget about the gym. Maybe you’re always going out on dates and ordering food and letting your fitness routine fall behind. Well, guess what? Now you’re back on the market. Rekindle the love of your health and body. Unfortunately, there will be fewer date nights and more nights alone, so try something like meal prep for the week with all healthy foods to get your mind off of it. Get back into fitness in your spare time. Getting your health back into your schedule will help you feel and look better. Vow to not give up on your goals.
I personally go for long runs now, going outside and working out for hours. It feels like I just ran from my problems and moved forward, physically and mentally. I surprise myself every day more and more.
Start to rediscover old passions. I forgot how many things I used to do for fun in my spare time. I sketched clothes, I wrote songs, I had even begun teaching myself to play the guitar. Being in a relationship gives you less time for things that used to make you happy. You never know what hobby could turn into a serious part of your life. I started to write a book on this day and even wrote a song. I decided to take my pain and talent and combine them for art. It is therapeutic and some really beautiful things will emerge.
Go spend time with your family. Remember where you came from and that they’ll always be there for you. In Drake‘s song “Keep the Family Close” he sings, “All of my ‘let’s just be friends’ are friends I don’t have anymore. Guess that’s what they say you need you need family for, ’cause I can’t depend on you anymore.” I went home and spent time with my parents after my breakup. Your family won’t tell you they love you then turn around and hurt you the next day. They won’t go out of their way to cause you pain. It was nice to just remember where I came from before my relationship happened.
Now that you’ve pulled yourself together a bit, go out. Go out, get crazy and make sure your friends don’t let you drunk text your ex. I tried going out right after the breakup and it was a disaster. Even with all my girls around me, the few drinks I had did nothing but put me completely in the feels and let’s just say the night didn’t end up in laughs. After the past seven days, I knew I was in a much better mindset and went out and was finally smiling and talking to people again. Most importantly, try to avoid going to any places your ex might be (unless you want to completely rewind back to day one… which you don’t!).
Remind yourself that he’s the one missing out and that you will be much happier one day with someone who can’t imagine ever losing you. I took a walk by the water and had to think about it logically. I am already someone who possesses great qualities, qualities that my family and friends reminded me of during the tough breakup aftermath. One day I am going to be happy in my career and absolutely killing it, and so will you. If someone doesn’t want to stand by you through your bad days, mistakes and hard times, what makes them deserving of you when you’re finally that strong person who’s enjoying the best days of their life and has learned from their past and become a better person? Not the guy you’re hurting over.
Day ten and you’re magically over it. Just kidding! Of course that is completely impossible, but hopefully, the past nine days will bring you to this day and give you as much hope as it gave me. This is a day of acceptance and resilience. The biggest thing I learned was that on day ten I did not feel the way I did on day one. I finally knew this wasn’t going to hold me back forever and day-to-day wounds would heal. I managed to stay productive and make progress on myself and my friendships and to be with my family in such a short amount of time. This alone mended parts of my broken heart. I had hope that if I kept going and pushing forward after this, I would feel whole again.
There is no formula to get over a lost love and no specific time that it takes to get over someone, regardless of what you might have heard. I reached a point where I felt like I did everything I could to make my feelings known and make things work. No one is perfect, I have made my mistakes, but you grow from them. When you’ve done all you can to make it work and they still don’t want to hear it, to see you or try, you just need to breathe and accept it. The right person will be there when you’re healed and will never walk away from you. Keep focusing on yourself, have fun and one day you won’t think about it ever again.
Music helps with closure. Here’s my ultimate breakup playlist to help get you through.