‘American Idol’ Is Coming Back & It’s Gonna Be A No For Me, Dawg

American Idol finally capped at 15 seasons last year after dragging out the singing competition for years despite plunging ratings — and fans were able to smile with fond recollection at the influential show without dwelling on its shortcomings.

But this is America, where nothing is ever really over, and Variety reported on Friday that ABC has a deal “in place” with producers to bring the show back.

*sighs heavily*

In the early years after Idol‘s inception, the dynamic between Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, and Randy Jackson served as one of the show’s biggest merits, bringing viewers a consistently off-beat and lovable panel to tune in to each week, even if the singers were mediocre. But with the revolving-door of forgettable judges in its later years, the show lost its comforting essence. It became less like a warm, toasted grilled cheese with tomato soup and more like cold discount sushi that you don’t entirely trust to bring you joy. Even if ABC is able to hire judges with a strong dynamic and voice, the ghosts of beloved Simon and Ryan Seacrest (both of whom currently have other engagements) will haunt the “new” show.

There have also been 15 seasons. That’s seven more than I’d like even my favorite shows to have, unless they are The Bachelor, for reasons I cannot articulate or explain. There’s a reason the viewership fizzled, and much of it was due to disinterest.

Also, for every Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood Idol brought us, there have been untalented, forgettable scruffy white guys like Taylor Hicks and Kris Allen, who I don’t harbor enough interest in to even google.

The reality show market is saturated with singing shows like The Voice (which has the swivel-chair angle, and the likable Adam Levine and Blake Shelton) and America’s Got Talent, which actually has Simon Cowell — what could the new American Idol really bring the masses?

The show will allegedly premiere March of 2018 on Sunday nights.

I end this article with a statement that is only scathing if you know me: I might prefer to watch football.

’13 Reasons Why’ Is Officially Getting A Season 2
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