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The Most Common Dating Struggles For Every Introvert

Girl reads book with coffee


Introverts are beautifully misunderstood people. While some might call us antisocial, we just prefer to be a listener rather than a speaker. Some people might call us boring, but we would actually just prefer a relaxing night in. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve pulled the sick card when I’ve been invited out to the club. With this in mind, imagine how hard dating is for an introvert. Meeting new people is hard enough for anyone else. Seeing people romantically is a new struggle altogether.

Here are the typical dating struggles that introverts deal with when it comes to finding Mr. Right.

1. Small talk is the bane of your existence.

Introverts are wonderful listeners, but we are lacking in the small talk department. We know the value of a relaxed silence, but other people take it as antisocial behavior. If you try to force us into an uncomfortable situation, our anxiety skyrockets. Cue the awkward escape to the bathroom. If you want to have a full conversation with an introvert, you have to help us along. Give us a comfortable topic that anyone can relate to.

2. You’d rather stay home than go to the club. 

According to studies, the best places to hook up are the club or the bar. Unfortunately for introverts, it’s not our ideal scene. In clubs, people are packed together like sardines with wandering hands. In bars, you’re either the loner in the corner or the loner at the counter.

Give me a romantic encounter at a bookstore or a library. My prince has to be out there somewhere and hopefully not at a party.

3. Meeting new people is a pain.

It’s not like I hate people. It’s just so draining to repeat the same story over and over again. “Yeah, I graduated with an English degree. No, I don’t want to be a teacher. Favorite music? Whatever comes up on Spotify.” I easily get bored in one-on-one conversations if the other person doesn’t help the chatter along. If I could skip the whole awkward meetup and skip all the way to cuddling and sex, I would.

This is why my parents joke that I’ll never get married…

 4. Your ideal dates aren’t always the most exciting.

Wanna Netflix and chill? No, I literally mean “chill.” Introverts aren’t huge fans of big social events. We’d rather relax in the comfort of our own home instead of a fancy restaurant where everyone is judging how you used a salad fork for your entree. Introverts love having control of their environment, so our ideal dates lean more towards the laid back side. If we absolutely have to go out, take us out to the park for a picnic or a quiet beach.

5. Dating standards can be pretty high.

We don’t date often, so when we do the stakes are very high. We want someone willing cuddle and chat idly about their day, but we also want them to respect our need for space. Even if we can pump ourselves up to go on a date, they need to be patient and accept that we’re a little slower to warm up. We’ve not antisocial, we’re just more independent than most.

6. You don’t waste time on flings.

I may be lonely, but I’m sick and tired of people telling me to have a fling. We want a long-term partner instead of a hookup. It’s not worth putting time and energy into someone who’s not going to stay in the long run. It’s hard enough to make small talk with one person. I’d rather not have to repeat it with five other people while I try to find “the one.”

7. #ForeverAlone doesn’t sound too bad.

Jokes and memes aside, introverts already enjoy having quality alone time. Yes, we yearn for a meaningful relationship, but we’re not totally invested in the dating scene. There’s no pressure to be the perfect girlfriend and it’s a lot cheaper. Forget the family members that keep asking about your love life. All you need is a good book and a Netflix account.

    A writer by day and a reader by night, and if you say the words "free" and "food" together I'm there.