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A YouTuber Became The Mayor Of Hell, Illegalized Heterosexuality & Was Impeached In A 24-Hour Period

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You know when you put your mind to something and you just really decide you’re going to do it? “I’m going to lose 10 pounds,” you say as you head to the gym. “I’m going to learn a new language,” you tell yourself as you download Rosetta Stone. Either way, you usually don’t do it, but it’s the thought that counts.

Well, one day popular YouTuber Elijah Daniel got high (you will feel the same way after reading this story) and decided he wanted to do his duty as an American citizen and run for office. His run was very speedy and within two days he was named the mayor of Hell, Michigan.

Yes, Hell. Population: 72.

He even got a fancy certificate proclaiming his new title.

Immediately, Elijah got to work. He wanted to be a man of action, making his sure to do exactly what he said he would.

It was time, Elijah decided, to ban heterosexuals. Strangely enough, this isn’t that ludicrous because it’s 2017 and our country’s president is doing similar things. Seriously.

Elijah wanted to make it clear that “safety” was his top priority. No heterosexuals would be allowed to enter.

He knew he was making history, but hoped to be an inspiration.

2017 is wild.

As is tradition, Elijah’s BFF, a well-known YouTuber named Christine Sydelko, became First Lady.

Elijah even came up with his own catchy slogan. MHGA! Make Hell gay again.

That said, Hell was not ready for him. Elijah was impeached. Luckily, he decided this wouldn’t throw off his plans to lead our country in 2020.

In the name of good sportsmanship, Elijah extended some friendly advice to Donald Trump.

So many people sang his praises.

Except the mainstream media! *Thunder rumbles, lightning strikes, a wolf howls in the distance.* Fake news had come a callin’ and he needed to set the record straight (pun intended).

“Yes, I am terrified of straight people,” he said.

He wasn’t without reason, though. Phew. Elijah tweeted that heterosexuality was permissible, but truly, this was for the sake of the children.

We’re interested to see how Elijah’s White House bid will pan out. It just might be successful. Who knows? Stranger, scarier things have happened.

COLLEGECANDY Writer
Brooklyn-based writer and editor who is probably eating Mexican food and yelling something about feminism, the Kardashians and/or finding the perfect highlighter.