This Fan Theory Makes A Compelling Case For The Most ‘Horrific’ Christmas Movie

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A dark fan theory about Christmas classic The Holiday emerged earlier this month, and now one Twitter user is taking another festive movie to task — The Santa Clause.

Hannah Priest, who goes by @shewolfmanc on Twitter, went viral this week for posing a twisted fan theory about the popular Christmas trilogy. She led by asking her Twitter followers for the “most stone-cold brutal” Christmas movie they could think of. They came back with Black Christmas, Krampus, and even Home Alone, but no one could have been prepared for her answer.

Priest alleges that aside from the protagonist’s unwanted Santa make-under and the deeply problematic find-a-wife trope, The Santa Clause trilogy has a much deeper, twisted secret.

Her in-depth Twitter thread posits all-too-convincingly that the North Pole elves are baking every former Santa Clause’s wives and possibly children into an oversized oven and using the bodies to make ceremonial hot cocoa.

Good guesses from everyone, but pull up a chair for a truly seasonal hot take. The most horrific Christmas film (or, rather, trilogy) is The Santa Clause. Oh yes.

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

I'm not talking about what happens to Scott Calvin & his transformation into Santa. Or the fact that SCII belongs to the 'Santa Finds a Wife' subgenre, which is always creepy as hell.

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

Priest begins by pointing out the elves’ startling lack of reaction to the original Santa’s untimely death.

To recap, when Santa falls off his roof, Scott Calvin puts on his suit & instantly becomes the new Santa. It's all fun & frolics, and the elves explain that this is the Santa 'clause'.

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

The creepiness begins early on, because the roof-Santa actually dies on screen (quite slowly) and that's the only reason Scott can take on the role.

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

None of the elves at the North Pole mourn the dead Santa. Bernard just refers to him as 'the other Santa' and shrugs it off. They just cold-heartedly accept that roof-Santa is gone, and now they work with Scott.

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

It may well be an ingrained practice — because elves disappear too, to no one’s alarm.

It's not just humans though. Elves disappear after hundreds of years, and NO ONE cares.

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

In SCI, Judy says she's spent the last 1200 years perfecting her cocoa recipe. But she's no where to be seen in SCII. She's just casually replaced with another cocoa-maker & never mentioned again.

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

And let's take a minute to consider Bernard. He's a huge part of SCI & SCII, but he's just… absent in SCIII. Curtis is now 'Elf No. 1' & no one mentions Bernard.

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

This is when Priest turns her attention to the former Santa Clauses’ wives and children.

In SCII, Curtis & Bernard discover the 'Missus Clause', which dictates that Santa must be married. They'd never heard of this before & the Council of Legendary Figures also know nothing about it.

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

Curtis specifically says that he has been working with Santas for 900 years, and that this clause hasn't come to his attention before.

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

The obvious (and chilling) implication of this is that ALL previous Santas were married at the point when they donned the suit & invoked the Santa Clause. (Or they lasted less than a year before dying/invoking the Escape Clause.)

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

So… where are the wives?? Dear God, WHAT HAPPENS TO THE WIVES??

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

When roof-Santa dies, it's a matter of hours before Scott gets to the North Pole to take over. But there is no sign of recently-bereaved Mrs Claus. What happened to her??

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

In SCIII, we see the Hall of Snow Globes, which has 1 globe for every Santa. There's about 50-60 globes in there. That's 50-60 former Santas, who were presumably all married.

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

60 Santas over the history of Christmas means that the average life expectancy for a Santa is just over 33 years. Some of them will have lived at the North Pole for much longer.

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

And, as we find out from SCIII, Santas are fertile in this universe, so Buddy Claus may not have been the first baby to be born at the North Pole.

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

So where are the babies? Where are the wives? There are potentially 60 women unaccounted for in this film series, and the elves never ever mention them.

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

She comes to a chilling conclusion.

I think there's a clear hint, though, in SCIII. To quote Bud Newman, on entering the elves' kitchen: 'How come the oven in the kitchen is bigger than the delivery room?' pic.twitter.com/SGb7t8BSM2

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

Why would the elves need a massive oven? Santa delivers toys, not baked goods. Now think about how wryly the elves smile whenever someone comments on the flavour of their cocoa.

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

The elves are clearly baking women (& possibly children) in their oven, then using the bodies to make ceremonial cocoa, which they then feed to future Santas.

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

And that, my friends, is why The Santa Clause is the most horrific Christmas film ever made.

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 21, 2017

Her original tweet has garnered thousands of likes, and even became a Twitter Moment. The reaction to her theory has been so overpowering that she eventually had to mute her notifications.

Well, much as I'm loving a load of random Americans telling me I've ruined Christmas, I'm muting notifications from people I don't follow & going to Morrisons.

— Hannah Priest (@shewolfmanc) December 22, 2017

The Santa Clause may have been advertised as a family-friendly, boisterous seasonal comedy, and that was likely what the writers intended. Still, rewatching with Priest’s theory of human-baking cocoa ovens in mind will change how you view the wholesome classic forever.

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