Crock-Pot Promises It Won’t Kill You & Tear Apart Your Family

*Warning: This is Us spoilers ahead.

Tuesday’s episode of This is Us left viewers agape with horror as flames lapped up the kitchen curtains, filling the beloved Pearson house with smoke. While the show promises to answer all of our burning (pun intended) questions in the next episode, it’s abundantly clear that the slow-cooker (and lack of smoke detector batteries) played a role in angelic father figure Jack’s death — and Crock-Pot is on the defensive.

“Jack Pearson was our Valentine so we equally understand your pain with his loss,” the brand responded to one distraught fan on Facebook. “We love him and we love you too. Don’t further add to our heartbreak by no longer using Crock-Pot Slow Cookers, rest assured our products have been generationally tested by your family and friends.”

In another statement later that day, Crock-Pot delved into the issue of Jack’s fictional death-by-flames in detail.

“All Crock-Pot slow cookers exceed all internal testing protocols and all applicable industry safety standards and regulations as verified by independent third-party testing labs,” they promised. “For nearly 50 years, with over 100 million Crock-Pots sold, we have never received any consumer complaints similar to the fictional events portrayed in last night’s episode. In fact, the safety and design of our product renders this type of event nearly impossible.”

CROCK-POT WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO BE EXCLUDED FROM THIS NARRATIVE.

The brand even started a Twitter account in response to the PR scandal, HuffPost reported.

https://twitter.com/danigaede/status/956001923932487680

#NotAllCrockPots you guys! Jack had to die somehow.



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