No one likes a messy breakup especially if it can be avoided. And while the idea of being friends with an ex after a breakup sounds nice, there are some huge red flags when you decide to be buddies with your former boo. Things can get messy and go from 0 to 100 real quick. We know you want to salvage your relationship by going the friendship route, but before you make your final decision take a look at these five reasons being friends with an ex is a really, really, bad idea.
1. It Could Cause Problems With Other Friends
In some cases, when you and your ex break up and decide to be friends, it could lead to a potential rift between you and some of your other friends who don’t think your decision is a good idea. While what you do with your ex is none of anyone’s business, tensions and a potential falling out could happen if your girlfriends aren’t fond of your ex to begin with. Tensions can also rise, and things could get messy if you and your ex hang out with the same group of friends so just be cautious of that.
2. Feelings Could Resurface…Again
Going from being in a relationship with your ex to just friends can take some time, obviously. An adjustment period is pretty much a must. The biggest obstacle when it comes to making this adjustment is making sure that you and your ex both want to move forward and work on your friendship and not your romantic relationship. Making sure that your mind (and your heart) are on the same page can be tricky because even if your mind is telling you that you just want to be friends, your heart may have other ideas.
Because of your connection and all the memories that you share with your ex, resurfaced feelings are something that can happen all too easily if you’re not careful. The key to making sure that that doesn’t happen is to react to those moments as a friend. Because it can be damn near impossible to do that sometimes, someone always winds up falling for the other (again) leading to a disaster.
3. It Can Lead To Fresh Wounds
If you and your ex’s attempt to be friends winds up falling through, it could feel like another bad breakup or have you feeling vulnerable and insecure about not being able to maintain a friendship with your former flame. It could also open fresh wounds and have you hurting when your ex starts dating again and talks about their new partner. That alone could be a huge shock.
4. It Can Potentially Mess Up A New Relationship
Imagine in the beginning stages of a new relationship, your bae comes to you and tells you that they are still very chummy with their ex. Now imagine how uneasy and suspicious you’d feel about the situation. It’s perfectly normal for one to start questioning things after hearing their new boo is still cool with their ex. All types of alarm bells and questions can quickly begin to form, and even if you’re okay with it, you may still be left wondering if their ex has an ulterior motive or if there are still feelings there between the two of them. Because humans are naturally jealous creatures, being friends with an ex can make things tricky–especially when you’re trying to move on and be with someone new.
5. The Friendship May Continue, But The Arguments Don’t Change
Even though you and your ex have called it quits and have appeared to have completely moved on because you were in a relationship with this person for an extended amount of time, it’s hard to just completely “start over” like nothing ever happened. Eventually, after the honeymoon phase of your newfound friendship wears off, things can start to move into uncharted territory and those arguments that were considered “water under the bridge” could easily resurface.
As if getting into an argument with your ex wasn’t bad enough, getting into an argument with your ex who is just your friend is even worse because now that you’re not a couple, neither one of you really have to explain yourselves if you don’t want to. Because you both no longer have those obligations to one another this could make the fights even worse and could have you regretting giving the friendship a chance in the first place.