The 3 Questions To Ask Your Partner After Finding Out They Cheated On You

Anger, sadness and overall confusion is what you’ll probably experience after you find out your partner has cheated on you. But one thing is sure, you need to get as much clarification about this affair and why it happened.

Be mindful. Asking questions about the nature and the reason of your partner’s cheating may hurt you a lot. That’s why you need to know you are in a better place when you are ready to ask these questions. After all, knowing the truth may help you to get closure and move on.

I want to leave a point very clear. I’ve seen friends and reactions of other people after they find out they have been cheated on, and it’s always them blaming themselves for not being good enough. Stop that thinking if that’s the first thing that comes to mind when you ask yourself “why did my partner cheat on me?” It’s not your fault, it’s theirs. They made the decision to cheat on you.

What you need to look forward to after knowing about their cheating it’s whether or not they take accountability. If they do, things may be salvageable between you two, but if that person doesn’t take accountability despite you having solid proof of their cheating, then I will advise you to get any clarification you may need for the sake of healing and leave that person. You’ll be better on your own.

With that being said, these are the three questions you need to ask your partner after you found they have cheated on you in order to evaluate where are you guys standing as a couple and whether or not there is enough ground to continue the relationship.


1. Are you willing to work on yourself to heal this relationship?

We’ve all seen it. The typical partner that, after finding out their significant other knows about their cheating, starts pleading for a second chance and says how they are going to become better partners. Actions speak louder than words, but changes don’t happen fast.

That question will let you know whether they have reflected on their actions and if they are truly willing to change from now on to make things work.


2. How did you justify your cheating when you were doing it?

“The word ‘affair’ already implies secrecy, deception of the partner and betrayal,” said Dr. Martha Tara Lee, a clinical sexologist (DHS, MA, BA) and founder of Eros Coaching to Elite Daily. “It also has to do with the amount of emotional energy that you put into the other person, and consequently denying or unable to give to your partner.”

This is a hard question to ask and the answer may even be harder to digest. Be prepared. They will get into details or not, but knowing what was going through their head while they were cheating may inflict a lot of pain on you if you are not in a stable place.

The last question is really a deal breaker.


3. Are you still going to contact the person you cheated on me with?

Some partners still keep in contact with the person they cheated on you with. This is the opportunity for you to see whether you are a priority or not for this person.

Even if their affair wasn’t physical but merely through texts that clearly showed there was a romantic connection happening, it can still feel like betrayal, said Dr. Jason Whiting, a relationship researcher and professor at Texas Tech University (PhD & LMFT) to Elite Daily.

Both physical and emotional affairs can be as equally damaging to you. Even if your partner tells you that they have never slept together and it’s merely light flirting through text messages, your partner shouldn’t continue talking to the person they cheated on you with.

Your partner needs to tell and prove you that they will cut off all contact with their lover. From there you can decide if the relationship is worth fixing or not.

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