Hey Dude,
I’m in need of some advice. I’m studying abroad right now, and there is a guy on the program that I’ve had a crush on for most of the time we’ve been here. About two weeks ago, I finally got up the courage to initiate that I was into him (just reached over and held his hand, but for me that was a big deal. I’m rather shy.) and it’s been slowly progressing from there.
We’ve held hands or he’s put his arm around me whenever we’re out together and we’re going to see a movie this weekend, but my question is this: am I making a mistake doing this now? I really like him, but we’re leaving to go back home in a month and we live a couple states away. I never thought about continuing it back home, but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea for me to enjoy time with him here while we still are or if that would be hurting him in the end? What is your advice?
From Russia with Love
Dear From Russia with Love,
Is it a good idea to start something while studying abroad? There’s a lot of pros and plenty of cons, like with almost any situation where, you know, feels are involved. There are some definite pitfalls to watch out for but they can be avoided if you keep a little perspective on what you’ve got and what it can be.
There’s no guarantee that you, him, or both of you won’t get hurt. There’s no guarantee that things won’t fizzle out if you decide to keep your exotic rendezvous going stateside. There’s no guarantee things will end. THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES. The only guarantee I can promise is the regret you’ll have if you don’t see where things take themselves.
The main thing is that you like him and he likes you. You start there and work at it day by day. All the planning in the world doesn’t matter unless you put in the work. Long distance dances require lots of practice a.k.a. work. If you two get hot and heavy and decide what you’ve got is worth the work then you’ll do what you can to work at it. Clear? If you get into it but decide that you don’t want to make it more than it is, then you’ll leave it as it was.
This isn’t the old days. There are plenty of free ways to stay in touch. Even if you don’t want to keep things committed or anything along those lines, there’s no reason you two couldn’t keep abreast of what’s going on. Can that get tricky? You’re darn tootin’ but it could also be easier than you think. If you’re willing to put in the work.
The bottom line: you don’t know what you have until you try having it. Will it or won’t it? If you don’t make the decision to give in to what you both feel, then you’ll never find out. That’s the kind of pain that’ll leave a scar.
Is it crueler to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? They’ve written epics about this dilemma for millennia. Fortunately, we’re not talking about anything that melodramatic. Have some fun and take it one day at a time. Don’t focus on what could be and put your effort into what is. That’s the best way you’ll know when the time comes what decision you both want to make.
Getting my passport renewed,
The Dude
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]
"Can I Bring The Study Abroad Fling Home?" [Ask A Dude]
