Any time we’re away from Rosewood it seems like too long! In reality, the show only wrapped like three months ago, but I can dig year-round TV if that means getting one step closer to ‘A.’ With that in mind, let’s get down to business:
1. ER Espionage: (Doesn’t that sound like a great name for a drama? Like something Shonda Rhimes would write!) The cliffhanger continues, and we’re immediately thrown into an “Ezra fights for his life.” This man is the cockroach that can’t be killed! Not to be one of those people, but I did read the books back in the day, and he was a mere blip in the larger story. This show has been pretty liberal with the source material but how is he still here five seasons later? We don’t see much of him throughout the episode but we are subjected to a flashback from Ali that doesn’t even deserve a summary. Is it just me, or does Ali seem too cool to ever fall for half his crap? She’s got more problems than Jay-Z but he’s just so ‘meh.’ Aria can like him because she’s a basic person in a cool disguise. She spends the rest of the episode being his devoted ex-girlfriend because that’s what she is. Call a spade a spade.
2.Guess who?: ‘A’ follows Ezra to the hospital and the girls try to lure him/her out of the hospital and into a dark playground (super fitting for this show with all the themes of a dark, broken childhood). Ali pepper sprays her assailant but it turns out that there are multiple ‘A’s’ there and then it turns into some weird game of school yard tag with all the impostors shouting “pick me! pick me!” I particularly liked the freaky clown music they used to make it that much more fun and kicky. And when I say “fun” and “kicky,” I mean the type of fun and kicky out of a Stephen King novel. I will be thinking about this for days.
3. Melissa is still here…?: Melissa is still here for some reason and she seems to be playing a frightened doe-eyed dame rather than her crazy wrathful chick self. At this point, Spencer seems to be the only one with any kind of concerned family. Like seriously, these girls are MISSING and on the news with a formerly dead girl but no one else seems to be checking up on them. Anyway, Melissa is all scared for Spencer, since Ali’s return to life and she wants to tell her mother the truth. But every time she mentions it, her father looks like the sinister man in every Lifetime movie and keeps her from saying anything. He seriously gave me some bad vibes every time he was on-screen.
4. Mystic Mona and her minions: Mona is hands-down the most fascinating character on this show. After she finds out that Ali is back she gathers all of Ali’s bullying “victims” from the past like Paige and Lucas. She’s starting some super PAC that should have a name like,”People for the Ethical Treatment of Stereotypical High School Outcasts” and offering protection to the group. She did this all while wearing a very sensible lady detective type ensemble of a turtleneck, leather jacket, and some slacks. Kudos for style points. And at the end of her little speech guess who turns up? MELISSA!!! I knew that doe-eyed dame act wasn’t real.
5. It’s not over until the girls are held at gunpoint: Some other stuff happened too, like sexy cop finally doing some good investigating and finding the girls in NY. And he did it all while sitting on his ass in a dark room! Good for him. AND….Shauna holds them all at gunpoint! It turns out that Shauna is in lurve with Jenna and she’s trying to get justice for what Ali did to her. She was a double agent, not on team Ali at all. It was the most random, most unexpected thing ever! Aria got the tip-off from Ezra that she was ‘A’, so to saver her friends she shotgun whipped Shauna and homegirl set her gun off and fell off the theater stage and died! So, ‘A’ is dead??? Never sure with this show.
All in all, a good opener for the season! I’m intrigued and peeved, the most appropriate response this show will get out of me.
Your Pretty Little Liars Cheat Sheet: Season 5, Episode 1
