In college, cooking is usually far more stressful than necessary. If you’re somehow roped into throwing a dinner party in an effort to avoid the dining hall, you need to be devious. Whether you’re entertaining the entirety of your sorority or a gentleman caller, there are multiple factors that could derail your college cuisine. When you don’t have extensive experience in the kitchen, it can be difficult sharing a stove that re-defines tiny. Even if you live off-campus or in a suite, it’s less than likely your kitchen rivals Southern Living. Plus, as a student, you’re probably not raking in the big bucks, which means you’ll want recipes that don’t cost all of the dollars. Luckily, I’m here to show you how to hack your life with recipes that will make you the Martha Stewart of campus (only chic and cheap).
Whether you’re trying to convince the younger biddies in your sorority to love you, or attempting to force your not-boyfriend to make it FBO immediately, this Penne Alla Vodka is everything. Girls will want to be you and boys will want to be in you. It’s that good. This recipe is as easy or difficult as you want to make it, which is perfect because I hate following directions. It’s far superior to the tomato sludge you find in a can, but requires minimal ingredients and even less effort. It will make you feel like a Pinterest princess on the cheap. Why eat your dinner when you could drink it?
For the real recipe, you’ll need the following:
1 bottle of vodka (please feel free to drink as you go)
1 small carton of cream
Basil (fresh if you’re feeling fancy, otherwise dried tastes exactly the same)
Tomatoes (fresh is best, but canned works perfectly)
Garlic
Salt + Pepper
Fresh Parmesan
Pasta, obvi.
Above are all of the ingredients you need to make it perfectly. Now, to hack it. The bottle of vodka is a necessity, but you can get the most bang for your buck by making a specialty cocktail to go with dinner (or by hosting an epic pregame). When it comes to the cream, the amount is completely up to you. Obviously the more you pour in, the more delicious it will be– so if you’re attempting to get a suitor to wife you, just keep going until it turns completely orange and it will be the tastiest treat. If the meal’s for calorie counting buddies, less is always more, and it will be just as nom-worthy. For the basil, when it’s fresh it makes literally no difference, it just looks pretty, especially when you pop a couple sprigs on the top. As for the tuh-mah-toes (I’m so fancy), if you buy high-quality canned ones that makes all the difference. Fresh is certainly yummy, but it’s such a pain to boil and peel ’em (although roasting them makes them extra flavorful and amazing). For garlic cloves, you’ll want to smoosh two big ones, but if you’re seriously lacking, a shake or two of garlic powder does the trick. You’ll want a healthy pinch of salt and pepper, and for pepper I don’t mean the janky one you stole from your dining hall. Finally, when it comes to the Parm, splurge on anmazing hunk of cheese. If you have any left, you can set up a gorgeous cheese plate as an app (or you can work on your night cheese later, Liz Lemon style).
If your trust fund hasn’t kicked in yet, combine a can of tomatoes and cream cheese to basically create the same dish. The tartness of the cream cheese gives it a flavorful kick, and I promise it’s not as weird as it sounds. If you’re truly unable to even turn on a stove and once burnt Easy Mac to a crisp, I suggest buying a nice (see: expensive) bottle of vodka sauce. You can’t go wrong with something this cheap, creamy, and flavorful. After you make it once, you’ll be thinking up “special occasions” that merit it regularly. A word from the wise? If you’re looking for a proposal to follow dinner, you’ll get one (thank me later), just remember to stock up on mouthwash for all that garlic (unless you feel like role playing Buffy the Vampire Slayer).
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Penne Alla Vodka Is The Perfect Excuse To Start Drinking
