Hi Dude,
I’m not sure if I have been friendzoned or not and was hoping for a male opinion. So, of course, there is this guy. He’s three years younger than I am…I’m almost 25 and he’ll be 22 soon. We started out as friends but then started doing more and more things together by ourselves… Dinner, movies (he always pays and won’t let me), looking at Christmas lights, starting tv shows together. We text quite a bit and neither of us are seeing anyone else. There have even been times that we’ve been watching tv till 5 a.m in his room and he never made a move! This has been going on for a couple months now and I just don’t know what to do. The real kicker, though, is that we are roommates with 3 other roommates. This is how we met and the big reason why I haven’t been brave enough to make a move. I have no idea how to handle this situation now.
Please help!
-Confused Roommate.
Dear Confused Rommate,
Your roomie has been all cuddly but hasn’t been gropy and you want to know if he’s really interested and scared, or not interested at all. There are a couple of different ways to handle your situation and none of them involves a sonic screwdriver. However, they do involve you being braver than Henry Cavill taking the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge (seriously, he’s wearing the Superman suit and takes about two thousand buckets of water, there’s a reason he got the part, people!) The safest path to take is to STOP EVERYTHING BEFORE IT BLOWS UP IN YOUR FACE!
Getting into the hanky panky with your roommate is a BIG risk. Things could go so wrong, so fast, but instead of blocking him on Twitter and Facebook you’lll have to keep seeing him, like every day. And that’s just going to make it weird. A good rule of thumb is, “Do not f*ck where you sleep…Unless it’s with someone who doesn’t sleep in the next room.” You have no buffer zone. You have no personal space to call your own and get some distance from him if he screws it up. Plus, what if you decide to keep it casual and he wants to bring another girl home? Or you want to bring home someone else? Think that might bring up some feels? You can make all the ground rules that you want but there will be no guarantees that one or both of you won’t end up having to move out when all’s said and done. Lest we forget, there’re other people involved here, too.
When you get involved with one roommate you’re not just screwing them, you’re also potentially screwing everyone else who lives with you both. Metaphorically, of course. There’s a dynamic that makes multiple roommates work. When two of you start shacking up between your bedrooms then that dynamic shifts. Like tectonic plates. And while it’s none of their damn business who you sleep with, developments that could potentially cause one or two people to make the living arrangement freaking weird and awkward and not make them want to live there anymore are their business. You can’t hide it from them. You don’t have to rub their noses in it but don’t pretend it isn’t happening. Plus, they can request one or both of you leave if things go super sour patch kids. So, could what you have be worth risking a place to live?
That’s really the big question to answer first. He’s kept it in his pants and out from under your shirt. So, making an assumption here (we all know what happens when we make those, har har), he’s seen the risks and isn’t willing to take a chance. Which means you’re the one who’s going to reverse the polarity of this situation or not. Now it’s your turn to risk it or not. Could the sex and cuddling be worth messing up both of your living arrangements? Because if you have to move out then that’s going to be money out of your pocket.
If you don’t pursue it then you’re in the clear of all the possible drama. I’d stop the 5am TV marathons. I’d eliminate the cuddling. I’d stop tempting yourself and look around to see if there’re any other guys in your orbit that might be fun to cuddle with. Then cuddle with them. At their place.
Playing it smart,
The Dude
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]
"Should I Shack Up With My Roommate?" [Ask A Dude]
