Dear Dude,
I’m currently 17 years old and I’m turning 18 in January, I’m also a junior in high school and I’m also currently working at Dunkin Dounuts and we just opened. I’m talking to this one guy that I met and work with, let’s say his name is Brad (not using his real name for safety reasons). Well, he seems to act as though he likes me because back in orientation I’d find him looking at me and we’d lock eyes and then go about our business.
I’ve recently dyed my hair and then yesterday he came up to me, said my name and noticed I dyed my hair, he proceeded to say he likes it and that it looks good on me. Then when I went on my break he came over and asked to sit down across from me then we stated talking and he asked why I dyed my hair and what made me decide to dye it and if I liked it or not.
Later on I was cleaning the back room floors and he and this other guy started acting like fools and he looked over in my direction every once in a while. He’s also not afraid to act goofy and have fun. When I left I ended up giving him my number in a note, when I handed it to him he said” A note? Is it for me?” I replied with “Yes it’s for you now take it.” I said that by smiling and laughing of course. With that I said bye and that I’d see him Friday. Here’s the down side though, he’s 20 and a junior in college, I’m starting to like him but I’m not sure if he likes me or not and I’m not sure if he’s to old for me. Do you think he will text or call me? One more thing, he’s now one of my bosses as he has been promoted to shift leader.
From,
So confused.
Dear So confused,
You’re 17 and he’s 20. You both work at the same place and now he’s technically one of your bosses. You flirt with each other and you gave him your number. Are you taking on more than you can handle or will things work out for the best? That’s a question for the Fates, as they could have said at one time way before there was indoor plumbing or “Doctor Who.”
Will he call you? Well, he certainly sounds into you. Although, here’s the thing with older guys and younger women. Some guys will flirt with a younger woman because they know they can. It gives them a bit of an ego boost. It’s a no harm, no foul, sorta thing as far as they’re concerned. Then, if things go a little too far they just put a stop to everything and figure that all will end well. After all, they didn’t make any promises. They haven’t crossed any physical lines. All they’ve done is talk. Right? Just some talking and having some fun. How bad could things get?
Well, there’s nothing wrong with just flirting but there are still some risks involved. For example, the other person getting uber into you and not being able to take “No” without getting really hurt. That just makes for a crappy situation for everyone. What he does next is going to let you know how he feels about you.
If he calls and makes a date, well then that’s that, isn’t it? No more to wonder about. You can see how it goes and go from there. If he doesn’t, then it’s not meant to be. I’d leave it as it is. Some fun flirting that never turned into anything serious. Don’t worry if it doesn’t because you don’t have time for it anyway.
You are about to embark on one of the most important transitional times of your entire life. College is right around the corner. It’s a big step. You need to keep your focus on taking it rather than keeping one foot in town with a guy you may or may not have something serious brewing with. Keeping yourself open for college is the most important thing. Of course, there’s no reason not to have a fling before you go but don’t expect it to be something more. That’s a sure way to make sure it won’t be allowed to grow to however big it should.
Where most people go wrong with relationships is assuming there’s a set course for how they’ll grow into something epic or will stay something manageable. There are definitely complications to getting involved with someone already in college when you’re not there yet. It does make me ask the question: “Why can’t he get a girl at college and has to go for a 17 year-old?” But I could just be being cynical. I can’t know. Maybe there’s just an amazing spark between you two. Or maybe you’re a safe play for him. There’s only one way to find out and that’s not sitting around worrying about what will happen.
You can’t figure out what will or won’t happen. You just need to settle in and take whatever comes as it comes. If he calls, take it as it comes. If he doesn’t, then try not to lose sleep over it. You’ve got bigger things ahead of you to think about.
Keep it simple,
The Dude
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]
"He's Older. And My Boss…Bad Idea?" [Ask A Dude]
