’Tis the season to pretend that you actually want to catch up with awkward co-workers, family friends that question you like they might be actual interrogators, and your drunk uncle (enough said), while secretly noshing up a storm. Unfortunately, these faux friendships can sometimes mean that you can’t get all of your holiday eating in at one party.
Maybe you feel forced to get your money’s worth by eating everything in sight. Perhaps your Christmas Eve plans revolve around a home for the holidays extravaganza that leaves you searching for the booze upon entry.
Whatever the case may be, here’s how to guarantee that you get yours this holiday season.
1. Ask questions (then tune them out accordingly)
People love to pretend they want to hear about you, especially around the holidays because karma/Santa Claus, but the truth is that they would much rather wax poetic about little Sally and her accomplishments in school (suck it, little Sally, making honor roll is easy) than hear about your post grad priorities. If you can distract them enough with talk of their tiny humans, they’ll pretend not to see you stuffing your face with enough pepper jelly to make your mouth look like Rudolph’s nose.
2. Talk to a wide variety of strangers
Sometimes when you’re home for the holidays, it’s easy to stick with what you know. Maybe your parents are around, or that one, lone tolerable human. If you stay by their side all evening, they’ll know how much you like a good hunk of cheese. Mix and mingle, and you can pretend that it’s only your second plate (Oh, how little they know).
3. Wear something that makes clean-up easy
The holiday season calls for little black dresses and subtle shimmer, but the truth is that you need something that will distract from the honey baked ham lining your frontal region. You can go edgy with a leather dress (just wipe it down when you’re done), or choose a multi-patterned wrap that allows you to breathe. Lilly Pulitzer created her crafty designs to disguise from juice stains — if only she had a holiday line that camouflaged the peppermint bark that’s currently covering your body.
