This week, a JetBlue pilot had a breakdown on-board a flight from New York City to Las Vegas. He started wandering around, flipping switches, and yelling about bombs and Al Qaeda. Luckily, his copilot did some really quick thinking. He convinced the pilot to leave the cockpit and then locked him out. When the pilot started to panic and scream at passengers to say their prayers, a group of passengers tackled him and held him down until the plane could make an emergency landing.

We all remember the time that JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater dramatically quit his job and then slid out of the plane on the emergency chute. That was pretty funny, but given this pilot episode, I’m glad I never fly JetBlue. It seems like they need to screen their employees a bit more intensely. This kind of news terrifies me, because I go to college far from home. There’s no way for me to get home to visit my family without getting on a plane, so I do a lot of flying.

These days, every time I get on a plane, I don’t even bother to hope that the experience will be good. I just hope that I’ll make it to my final destination in one piece. Inspired by the dangers of flying, here are eight things you never want to hear your pilot say.

initiating the gallery...

Garnet is a student at Columbia University in New York City. She is “that person” who starts dancing at a party when everyone else is standing around, and if there were a Facebook stalking Olympics, she would be a gold medalist. She also loves cheesy 90s music, and almost died of happiness when Vanilla Ice retweeted her. Once. Follow her on Twitter @garnethenderson.

[Lead image via Jeff Thrower/Shutterstock]

I’m going to preface this with a disclaimer.  My version of airplane etiquette is a bit skewed since I require massive amounts of drugs to fly.  All I do is  make sure to take enough to avoid the projectile vomiting (yeah, I’m dead serious), but not too much so I end up drooling on my neighbor.  It’s a good flight if I’m unconscious the entire time.

For those of you who spend their flights on iPods, reading, or trying desperately to occupy themselves while stuck in a metal tube for a few hours with a hundred strangers, there are a some rules you should observe. So, sit back, relax, and listen up. Here comes the airplane etiquette:

Chatting With Your Neighbor:
If you happen to be a very social person, remember that your neighbor is not required to talk to you.  Just because someone happens to be sitting next to you (and your thighs may be touching) doesn’t mean that you two need to share your life stories and become BFFs.  And if this is something they don’t quite seem to understand, it is perfectly acceptable to tell them (politely) that you are too busy/sick/tired or whatever to talk. Or just put your earphone in (with or without the music playing) so they get the hint.

Arm Rest Possession:
I am pretty sure there is nothing more uncomfortable than sharing a 3-inch armrest with a large, hairy man. Wait, I take that back. Wrestling a large, hairy man for the armrest might take the cake. Common courtesy on arm rest possession is as follows: If you are on the aisle, take the outer-most armrest. If you are in the window, take the outer-most armrest. Let the poor sucker in the middle have both of the inside guys. After all, poor guy has the worst seat on the plane, let him have something. Read More »

Spring break can be a carefree week of fun in the sun…or two days of fun followed by five days of waiting for your flight home. Make sure you make the most of SB 2009. And don’t do some of the stupid shizz I’ve done on March and April vacations past.

1. Don’t book your flight for an hour after your last class of the week ends.

Well, technically, my mistake was agreeing to drive my friend to the airport. Not only were we racing against time, but my car decided to act up as soon as we hit the highway. It started shaking and rattling when I tried to go over 60 mph, and, for fear of our lives, I was forced to drive in the slow lane as the clock ticked on. We made it, barely, thanks to the fact that our local airport takes about five minutes to clear security, but my friend was a bundle of nerves before she even took flight. Yeesh. Read More »

[Every week our style guru takes a celebrity look and breaks it down for you, our poor college fashionista. What does that mean? It means that while the celebrities are spending $5,000 on an ensemble, you don’t have to.

All you have to do is click on the goods and - boom - you can buy the entire ensemble. Yes, we know; there is a spot for her in heaven.]

So you’re gearing up to go home for Thankgiving. I get it – no one likes to travel in jeans. We all know that it is just flat out uncomfortable. But it seems that chicks nationwide think that just because you aren’t wearing jeans, you have full permission to wear the sloppiest, messiest, not-a-stich of pulled togetherness, look for the airport. I would venture to say that airport security has probably seen some of the WORST looking ‘fits of all time.

I’m here to tell you that just because you aren’t looking your BEST doesn’t mean everyone needs to see you at your WORST. I know I’ve gone through the airport numerous times looking like I just spent the night bonding with the toilet bowl, but it is possible to be comfortable and cute. \

Remember, it is Thanksgiving after all, which means most people are headed home, and you’ll want to be thankful that you look and feel good when you run into your 7th grade crush in the airport. So stick with me… and these leading celebs who have created the new unofficial airport uniform

Celebrity Chic on the Cheap: Leather, Leggings and Louis Vuitton (Louis Vuitton Optional). Read More »

Before I leave the house and head to the airport, I say goodbye to my one true companion: my seven-year-old pug Iris. I give her a big kiss on the cheek and squeeze her until she makes a huffy sound. “I love you, Iris,” I say to her. “You be a good girl.” Then, I give her a treat and, while she chews it, I walk out of sight. I will not be seeing her for a few months, but the reality doesn’t set in until I’m on the plane.

My friends tell me she whines the first few days, wondering where I am, and then she settles into life without me. My substitute for Iris is a plush gray neck pillow that I have brought with me on all my travels for the past five years. I sleep with my substitute and it provides me enough comfort to sustain me for the length of my trip.

Though there can be no real substitute for Iris, as a traveler, I am required to leave her behind — along with many other things. Despite missing these things, there is a profound cleansing that every traveler experiences. The value of an item is measured by its weight, size, and usefulness. The sorting between what will be brought or not quickly informs you of just how little a human really needs to survive life abroad. Read More »

A woman trying to catch her plane home from Los Angeles to Texas was recently forced to remove her nipple rings to board the plane.

There are so many things wrong with this.

First of all, why are nipple rings setting off the alarm? I understand that the TSA has to be thorough (and I’m glad they are, even if they always put my very semitic father in the terrorist box before boarding a plane…but that’s another issue), but my understanding of this is that they are sensitive to people having metal on or in their bodies than cannot be removed. Yes, a nipple ring is a superfluous example, but there are lots of people who had surgeries that caused their cyborgness. And they have to take planes too.

My next issue with this is that they actually made her remove it. In the airport. WITH PLIARS. So completely dangerous to this woman’s health. Removing piercings in an unsanitary place is just asking for trouble, and a nipple piercing where the skin might have grown around the piercing? It makes me squeamish just thinking about it.

And the humilation! Oh my God. Why did they need her to do such a humiliating thing in public? And according to the article, like the jerkoffs that they are, the male agents who made her do this in the first place were laughing at her. These are people who are supposed to be maintaining public safety. It sounds like they’re more interested in being sadistic assholes.

I hope she sues their asses off.

And I hope her new nipple piercings aren’t too painful.

Days as a Freshman: 122

Mood: Dissapointed in myself!

“What’s up? Heading home for winter break?”

Stacey leaned against the bureau, twisting her hair in front of her face and plastering on a giant smile, as though the guy on the phone could actually see her. Rebecca and I leaned forward, total disbelief keeping us attached to every word Stacey uttered. Could she really be talking to Justin? The same Justin? How did they know each other? …and how could he stand to be on the phone with her?

“Yeah, I’m taking off tomorrow. My parents actually called a limo to take me to the airport. Can you imagine? I know. I’m so embarrassed!”

As Stacey laughed, Rebecca jabbed me in the back with her finger, hard. Staying in the same breathing space was probably killing Rebecca, who usually got up and went somewhere else, anywhere else, whenever Stacey was around.

“So…what else is…?” As she listened, Stacey’s hand lowered from her hair and her smile faded a little. “Oh, really?” Her eyes slid over to me and she squinted, like she wasn’t able to quite keep me in focus. “Yeah…sure. She’s…she’s right here.” Read More »