No matter how you slice it, visiting the gyno is awkward. Not only do you have to expose yourself in the most unflattering way to your doctor (and the nurse who is required to be in there), but you gotta do it while he or she makes small talk from between your legs.

“How’s your day?”
“How are classes going?”
“How many sexual partners have you had?”

[Cue the look of disappointment and the lecture on safe sex.]

I don’t know about you, but whenever I walk into my gyno’s office I always feel the need to prepare her for what she’s about to see. “Uh, just so you know, it’s winter so, uhhhh, yeah, I haven’t really done much, uhhhh, maintenance down there in, erm, a few months.” She promises me she’s not looking and that she’s seen it all before and then she comes at me with some metal tools, one of which looks eerily similar to that thing you use to clean the toilet. And then it’s done. You put on your pants, she bids you adieu and you’re on your way….with a little less pep in your step than on your way in.

But sometimes things get even weirder (how could they not when you’re spread eagle with your junk in someone’s face?), like my most recent appointment involving a doctor who left me to grab a phone call mid-exam. (Let’s just say it was windy down there.) It was traumatizing, but upon telling my friends the story (who all thought it was just HILARIOUS), I learned that everyone’s had a particularly uncomfortable trip to the gyno. And I wanted to hear them. So this week I asked the CollegeCandy writers to share their most awkward and traumatizing gyno experiences. Hard to believe, but reading these hurts me more than an actual appointment. Read More »

Would you want this guy taking you 30,000 feet in the air?

Drinking on the job seems like such an enticing idea. Make the work day a little more bearable, ya know? I know I’d be a hell of a lot friendlier to those jerks taking out books at the campus library if I had a little Ketel One in me. Sure, I’d be making 412 runs to the bathroom, but everything is more fun when you’re drunk…and re-shelving books could sure use a little boost of fun.

But after hearing countless stories of drunken pilots getting stopped moments before taking flight, I realized that there are some careers that are simply not suitable for boozing. For example:

Your Pilot: Does the phrase “do not operate heavy machinery” mean nothing to you, man!? Your flight home for winter break may soon become a terror ride as your highly intoxicated pilot does figure eights in the sky… and then right into the ground.

Your Gyno: At first thought, a drunk gyno doesn’t seem so bad. I mean it’s basically the same thing as drunk foreplay on a Saturday night, right? Wrong. One wrong move and those exploratory tools can become a torture device… in the wrong hole. I shudder to think.

Your Hairdresser: Never drink and drive. And never drink and cut. The combination of alcohol and scissors is terrifying, especially so close to my face. Chances are you’re going to leave there looking like this. And that’s not gonna grow out pretty, I’ll tell you that much. Read More »

As you may or may not know, there was a recent recommendation made regarding how often women should be getting pelvic exams. Since most of us are used to getting them yearly and the new recommendation is to get them every 3 years, I asked Dr. Lissa Rankin what she thought. Here is what she has to say:

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recently announced new recommendations that cut back on Pap smear screening. Why are we recommending cutting back on women’s health screening? Let me fill you in on the news.

New Pap Smear Guidelines:

1. Instead of recommending that Pap smear screening begin after you’re sexually active, new guidelines say that even a sexually active 13 year old should wait until 21 for her first Pap.
2. After 21, Pap smears are recommended every 1-2 years until age 30.
3. After 30, if you’ve had three consecutively normal Pap smears with no history of a seriously abnormal Pap, new guidelines say you only need to do Paps every three years.

Why the Change?

There is evidence to support the changes.  The truth is that you’re unlikely to go from having a normal Pap smear to having cervical cancer in 3 years, even if you contract HPV. Because cervical cancer grows slowly, it’s still likely to be precancerous by the time it gets picked up. And yearly screening does increase the number of procedures performed, and some of those procedures can affect fertility and pregnancy in rare cases.  Plus, cutting back on Pap smears saves health care dollars. And if we’re not saving lots of lives and potentially causing harm by implementing procedures that may not be necessary, why do annual Pap smears? Read More »

I’m all about a little role playing – I mean who doesn’t get turned on at the thought of sexy time with a McDreamy – but I do believe this is taking things a little bit too far. There is nothing sexy about a speculum. Nothing at all.

And OMG – they sell it on Overstock. WTF?!

We hate to be bearers of bad news, but it’s August — meaning the glory days of sippin’ summer cocktails and rapidly developing skin cancer at any locale offering a mid- to large-sized body of water are, unfortunately, coming to an end. We know it’s hard to snap out of the beach-bum mindset, which is why we’ve got you covered with a checklist of things to do before full-time academia is back in swing.

Beautify. Nothing like cruising into a new semester of classes feeling like hot sh*t. Book your appointments early for those caterpillar eyebrows, exposed roots, and crusty feet.

Prepare for potential hanky-panky. (Yep, I did just call it hanky-panky.) Visit to the gyno? Check. Birth control stockpile? Check. Brazilian wax? Check. Stop trying to salvage period-stained panties — as my motto goes, new school year, new lacy underthings.

Buy new dorm / apartment / house décor! Draw some inspiration from Apartment Therapy and go to town. May we suggest wall decals, some choice picture frames and scented candles?

Pick up a new planner. Steal one from freshman orientation if you have to, and then neatly pencil in important dates (your boyfriend’s grandmother’s birthday, any club meeting with free food, the three-year anniversary to the day you got your v-card swiped, etc.) There’s nothing quite like touching a spankin’ new notebook — devoid of uncompleted to-do lists — for the very first time. Read More »

Fridays kill me. On the one hand I want nothing more than to head to the bar to drink away another long week (and simultaneously avoid creepers), but then I’m so tired I can barely get off the couch. It’s like no amount of coffee/Red Bull can motivate me to put down the Cosmo (magazine) and trade it in for a Cosmo (drink).

Maybe that can explain why I’m about ready to hump a vacuum. But my lack of booty isn’t all bad; I’m saving tons of money on birth control, which is a way overpriced on campus. And I don’t have to worry about getting an STD from some un-cut rando, or having to fake it with a lousy one.  Oh, and it gives me plenty of time to do those things that I could never do when I had a man.

I have too much crap to do to get into a relationship, anyway (unless he’s interested). Plus, what’s the point? Technology is going to ruin it. Even if having a boyfriend could save me money, I’d rather save it in other ways.

So I guess I’m fine with staying in tonight. I’ll just pop in a DVD, play some video games, order in some Thai food and catch up on all that crap I was too lazy to do all week. Like spot treatments for my zits and making that much needed gyno appointment. Now doesn’t that sound like fun!?

When’s the last time you took a trip to visit your good old friend, the doctor? Chances are you’ve missed some really important appointments! It’s time to suck it up and face the music, sister.

Here are three necessary dates you need to jot down in that calendar of yours:

Your Gynecologist:

You’re probably used to a getting a little more romance prior to anyone coming near your cookie, but you’re gonna have to make an exception here! You should have your first pap test done once you become sexually active or once you turn 21, whichever comes first. The doctor will use a device called a speculum to widen the opening of the vagina so that the cervix can be examined for cancerous cells. This will only be uncomfortable for a minute as they take a swab of your cells. You should get your results within 3 weeks. If you don’t have this test done annually, you are putting yourself at risk for undetected cervical cancer. Hey, and while you’re at it, go get yourself the HPV vaccine and give cervical cancer the one-two punch!

Your Dentist:

Those needles, that drilling, the disappointing absence of this month’s Cosmo in the waiting room. No one likes making a date with the big D! (Well, that big D.) But if you don’t go for your 6 month checkup like you know you should, your dentist won’t be able to catch a small issue before it turns into a huge (not to mention painful and expensive!) problem. Say you do have a cavity; if your dentist finds it quickly, he can fill it right away. If you let a cavity hang out in your tooth for too long, you will end up having to suffer a crown and root canal. Your dentist also needs to regularly check you for periodontitis, oral cancer, gingivitis, and decay. So, catch up on your flossing and give Dr. Giggles a call.

Your Optometrist:

Staring at a computer for hours, not wearing eye-wear in the tanning bed, binge-drinking, and smoking cigarettes are all ways we damage our eyesight on a daily basis. An annual check up with your Optometrist can help determine if you are at risk for glaucoma or macular degeneration (a slow progression of blindness. Remember Amanda from ANTM season 3? She had macular degeneration!). A quick visit will determine if you have either of these conditions as well as evaluate your vision. You’ll take a puff of air to the eye, have a flashlight waved over your pupil and read some letters off a poster. Way easier than any exam you’ll take in class!

So, if you want to avoid resembling a guest on Jerry Springer (blind, toothless and probably full of vadge cancer), you need to get your bum to the doc. It may not be the greatest way to spend an afternoon, but it sure beats developing a serious disease! And if you just can’t bring yourself to go alone, have a friend tag along. She probably needs to go too.

After reading about one CollegeCandy writer’s scary STD experience, I realized that I had not been tested in over 4 years. Before I was having actual sex. It’s not like I never thought about it; it’s just that I never considered myself someone who needed to be tested. Doesn’t make much sense when I say it out loud, but in my head I kept thinking of my former, not sexually active, self, and never thought that I was at risk.

But last week I called my doctor and made an appointment. And every day for the past 7, I have picked up the phone to call my doctor back and cancel. What if I have something? What if I have something serious? What do I do? Do I call all of my previous partners? I mean, it’s been 4 years! Who knows where I got something from and who I passed it onto. And, as embarassing as this is to say, there is one partner in particular in there whose name I do not even know…

But I did not cancel. I acted like the adult that I am and I went to my gyno to get tested. Read More »

How is it almost February?

Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was vowing to head back to the gym and stop eating crap? Oh yeah; that was yesterday. Not gonna happen with the Super Bowl coming, unless I stick to some healthier snack options. But we all know that’s not gonna happen.

The last week of January has been quite eventful. And stressful. Too bad we didn’t have any peanut butter to get us through the hard times. On the bright side, we did get a fun snow day to break up the monotony, and we came across this gem to help us out when we can’t get our asses to class.

But besides that – stress, stress, stress.

That trip to the gyno scared the crap out of us, that story about how poorly the university treats its students frustrated us, and everyone ripping on Jessica Simpson made our blood boil.

And don’t even get us started on our latest fears of the birth control pill. Not that we need to worry about that; we scared all the boys away a long time ago.

It’s all good, though; we have the puppy bowl to look forward to this weekend, and if that’s not enough to get us out of our funk, we can always watch Grey’s Anatomy season 1 on DVD. You know, before the show got so, so bad.

Whew! What a year, right? We saw it all: Britney’s bald head, governors getting it on with prostitutes, a new Facebook, the collapse of Wall Street, the rise and fall of Sarah Palin, a horrifying plane crash that killed some and spared others, the election of our first black president (!!), lots of young mommies, and a whole lot more that I drank too much to remember.

Things were busy over here, too. We discovered the guys not worth holding onto, and the perfect vibrator that is. We began to understand why crazy sex positions are totally worth it, and why sex on the beach is a must-do for 2009.

We found a totally hot new band that will change the way you think about music, learned the 14 truths about men, and laughed with the funniest ladies out there.

We found out that guys get Brazilians (?), argued the merit of leggings, and filled our entire closet with new clothes….for free!

We took our first trip to the gyno, learned a ton of new euphemisms for sex, and sought out some not-so-obvious places to meet a man. We looked back at our favorite things from middle school.

We hated/loved Facebook.

And we dipped our toes in the Cougar pool.

2008 was a good year. Here’s hoping 2009 can be as much fun (both in the bedroom and out of it).