"When Should Girls Pay On A Date?" [Ask a Dude]

askadude
Dear Dude,
What are your thoughts about girls paying on dates? I always offer to pay my half, but I don’t know if a guy is just being nice when he says he’ll cover the cost of dinner.
Thanks,
Going Dutch
 
Dear Going Dutch,
I guess, firstly but reluctantly, I’d like to thank you; you’re doing your part to fight double standards, and I can appreciate that. I’ve been on a few different ends of this spectrum. Guy wants to hang out with a girl to spend time with her, so he pays for everything. Guy explicitly asks to go on a date and is approved, so he pays for everything. Guy knows a girl so long that they grab a beer to catch up, so he pays for everything. In each of these instances (on one occasion or the other), I’ve met resistance. So, let me get into the specifics as to when I think you should offer to pay.
Okay, so there’s this guy and you kind of know each other a little bit (at least enough to know he’s not your type, but still kind of nice), and he wants to hang out. Whatever, right? From mini golfing and ice cream to dinner, he’s going to try and pay. Outside looking in, I can totally see how you want to go Dutch. He’s going to be persistent. If he’s offering, you get a free activity out of the deal. If he makes a move and you’re legitimately not interested, you can tell him so and he’ll have to be okay with letting you be “the one that got away.”
Now that cute guy from English 101 asks you to dinner. Yes, please. And after great conversation, a few glasses of wine, and dessert, the check comes and he grabs it from you. He has it in his grasp and your offer falls on Deaf ears while the waitress who has been smiling at him all night willingly takes the payment from his hands. You have two options: If you like where things are going, suggest you go for coffee and pay there (he probably won’t fight you on it too much), or agree to his second date proposal and offer to pay half then. He still might fight you on it, but if things continue to go well, you should be able to convince him pretty easily over the course of the blossoming relationship.
Unfortunately, things didn’t fit quite right with that guy, and you finally agree to meet up with your best guy friend from home who you’ve been blowing off for months. You rant and tell him your crap, and he listens and offers advice. Then you listen to his crap and offer him advice, then you laugh about that one time in high school. You’ve ordered beers and nachos and finally he has to get going, so you agree with the bartender to square up. Last time, he snuck the server his card and everything was squared away before you knew what hit you, but this time he’s in the bathroom and the bartender drops the check. If you pay, I’m going to pretend to be upset and get you back on the next round, because we’re square and friends do things like that.
The scripture to paying your way is finally revealed!
The Dude


[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]
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