14 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re An English Major

If you’ve been asked if you’re interested in being a teacher but the thought of children makes you shiver, if you haven’t taken an actual final in years because all of your assignments are papers, if you haven’t had a homework-free weekend for four score and seven years, this post is for you.

1. Your friends complain about ten-page papers, and it’s all you can do to keep from rolling your eyes.

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2. You have a Ph.D. in making it sound like you know what you’re talking about.

3. You have found yourself arguing about Shakespeare or Jane Austen at bars.


4. You have been seen walking out of the library carrying literally 15 books, because that’s how many sources you need for your papers.

5. You know the entire English faculty, and you’ve been to half of their houses.

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6. Your roommates frequently ask you to edit their papers, which is an odd combination of irritating and flattering.

7. When someone asks a spelling or grammar question, everyone looks at you expectantly.

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8. You have mastered the art of writing three papers in one night.

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9. In senior seminars, when the entire class critiques your writing, you learn to brush it off.

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10. You actually enjoy going to book readings and speakers.

11. You make friends in class who are every bit as passionate about writing and literature as you are.


12. People always laugh, “What are you going to do with that?” when you tell them your major, but you are the cashier at a Wal-Mart so maybe you should stay in your lane, SIR.

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13. Your cousins and uncles love to tell you you won’t be able to find a job at family holidays.

But you love your major, and you’ve never regretted it for a moment.


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