You wake up in the middle of the night, a cold sweat overtaking you as your head pounds from what feels like it must have been a terrible nightmare. You’re filled with questions and you’re disoriented. You can hear the voice of Rachel Lindsay, the sane glue holding together the actual craziness of The Bachelorette, but you’re still just too confused.
“Which one is Matt?” you shriek as lightning cracks. “Is he the one with the doll?”
No, Matt is not the one with the doll.
As Bachelorette fans, we’ve been forced to sit through this show and wonder how the hell these casting directors still have jobs after putting our actual queen Rachel through this hellish group of men. As if racist Lee wasn’t a trial enough, she’s now had to narrow this group of duds (with some exceptions!) down to six. Tonight we’re faced with a final question of identity among the standouts and generally recognizable faces (/hotness) of Dean, Peter, Bryan and Eric.
Which one of the Bachelorette contestants is Matt and which one is Adam? Also, how are these men still here?
This is Matt.
Matt is a 32-year-old construction sales rep, which is basically one of those uniquely specific and obscure careers specific to this franchise.
How can you distinguish Matt from Adam? Honestly, Matt seems to be the quieter one and is somehow shown even less than his counterpart. Matt is a bit taller and traditionally hunkier.
As far as I can recall, we haven’t even seen Matt kiss Rachel, so his presence is particularly confusing.
This is Adam.
Adam is a 27-year-old real estate agent. His last name sounds like a noise you’d make with the back of your throat.
Adam has been shown relatively more than Matt, but only with quick soundbites, inept observations and the usual “WHERE’S MY DATE?!” whining.
How can you distinguish Adam from Matt? Adam was forced to wear a bandage after an injury from last episode, so that helps spot him. He also does seem to have kissed Rachel at some point, but they cut it from the show, which is both amusing and infuriating.
These men are not the same, despite having been all but become members of the crew. They look relatively different, but they seem to be filling the space as we reach the inevitable top four of Dean, Peter, Bryan and Eric. For the sake of predictions, let’s plan on Matt heading home early in the next episode and Adam being the one without the rose.
Please don’t bet it all on either of these men with your Bach Bracket.