1. Are we really supposed to believe that there were no signs that Justin was a douche before his “end of discussion” comment?
2. Why doesn’t the soccer team try to recruit more girls to join the team before going the admittedly creative cross-dressing route?
3. Seriously, couldn’t the girls have come together to fight this “no girls on the soccer team” rule by fighting, fundraising, or going to the press? Instead Viola just abandons her team like BYE GUYS.
4. Can we bring back 1-800-BIOTCH?
5. If Viola and Sebastian were so close wouldn’t she have known about his whole London plan a bit earlier?
6. Why didn’t Sebastian sneak out in the middle of the night if he was trying to hide from his mother?
7. If he told his mom he was staying with his dad then why didn’t he just use the front door to leave?
8. Why doesn’t Viola say the tampons belong to her sister or something?
9. WHY IS SHE LOOKING FOR SEBASTIAN’S FILE? THIS IS NEVER ADDRESSED AND I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE IS LOOKING FOR.
10. How does Monique think that is Sebastian in the pizza parlor? LITERALLY HOW?
11. Why does Viola have her brother’s song lyrics crumpled up on the table?
12. Why would you pick the tilt-a-whirl to change outfits in out of all of the carnival rides?
13. If Duke thinks relationships should be “more than just the physical stuff,” why was he turned off when Viola-dressed-as-Sebastian described his/her sister as having a “great personality”?
14. Ok, was the original plan for Viola to suddenly tear her wig off during the soccer game against Cornwall and scream, “GIRL POWER”? What was she planning to do when Sebastian came back?
15. Why does Eunice run with her headgear on?
16. Why does Duke ask for the check at Caesario’s when they haven’t ordered any food?
17. Do we think Olivia might be pansexual if she was attracted to Viola in a male wig?
18. When did Principal Gold try to run away in high heels? I would love to watch that movie.
19. HOW DOES OLIVIA THINK THAT IS SEBASTIAN WHO SHE KISSED THERE IS A MAJOR HEIGHT DIFFERENCE AMONG OTHER THINGS.
20. Can you kick your roommate out of your room?
21. Why doesn’t real Sebastian say that he isn’t on the soccer team while his face is being painted or at any point before that?
22. What happened to the All-American Rejects after this movie?
23. Why would Principal Gold announce this theory to the ENTIRE SCHOOL during a soccer game instead of settling the matter privately with Sebastian and Viola’s parents?
24. Does no one notice that Sebastian’s voice drops six octaves overnight?
25. Wouldn’t the real Sebastian break up with Monique at a better time and with a bit more tact?
26. Why isn’t RS (Real Sebastian) more confused by a random girl kissing him and reciting his song lyrics to him? That’s stalker material.
27. Why doesn’t Vi wait until she finishes the soccer game before her big revelation?
28. Did Viola not bind her breasts for the soccer game?! Wouldn’t she need a sports bra? HOW IS SHE NOT WEARING A SPORTS BRA?
29. Does Duke notice that the girls who hit on Sebastian at the pizza parlor are now Viola’s friends at the soccer game?
30. Shouldn’t divorced parents have each others’ cell phone numbers when they are sharing custody of two children?
31. How did Duke know to meet Viola in the middle of the woods instead of inside at the debutante ball?
32. Why does Viola get to wear a turquoise dress? Isn’t the dress code for debutante balls white dresses? (*Elle Woods voice* Shouldn’t she be well aware of that rule?)
33. And, finally: What happened to the Cornwall girls’ soccer team? Do all of the girls transfer to Illyria afterwards, or do they give up on the sport for good?