1. Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2
Lie: Two virgins having sex is totally hot.
Say what you want about the Twilight franchise, but you can’t deny that this sex scene was pretty steamy…if you totally suspend your disbelief. It’s not the vampire/human hybrid sex that was the biggest lie…it was that two virgins have a bed-breaking, non-awkward romp. Ask literally anyone about their first time. I don’t care if it’s that bodybuilding baby’s first time – this isn ever going to happen IRL.
2. 500 Days of Summer
Lie: After you have sex with someone for the first time, everyone will join you in a song and dance.
As much as I wish this really happened, I’m still waiting.
3. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Lie: Cosmo-style sex positions are totally doable.
Something is going to break and your booty call will turn into a hospital run real quick if you try to replicate any of these moves…unless you’re an acrobat.
4. Spring Breakers
Lie: Pool sex is cool sex.
As with shower sex, water does not make you wetter. Vanessa Hudgens can pretend she’s having a blast, but a pool threesome is just never going to feel that great.
5. The Notebook
Lie: Marathon sex sessions are the norm.
A super long, all over the house sex sesh? Not even Ryan Gosling and his Photoshopped arms could carry a girl that much without tiring out.
6. Friends With Benefits
Lie: Friends with benefits relationship will turn into a real relationship.
Sorry, ladies, but your Justin Timberlake isn’t going to realize he’s in love with you at the end of two hours. More often than not, a friends with benefits relationship is just about sex.
7. Love & Other Drugs
Lie: Post-sex cuddles!
After doing the deed, most people want to do one of two things:
1. Sleep.
2. Get pizza.
8. Pretty Woman
Lie: Sex in weird places is worth the discomfort.
Sex in weird places gets you one thing: a story to tell your friends about at brunch. You can pretend it was hot, but that bruise on your ass says otherwise. Save your piano – get me a mattress and some pillows, please and thank you.
9. Titanic
Lie: Sex in cars is also super fun.
See above. Sex in a car should only be for when your roommate won’t leave your dorm room for twenty minutes and you really, really need to do it.
10. Fifty Shades of Grey
Lie: Everyone should try S&M.
This book and film came out, and suddenly everyone feels the need to amp up their sex life. Whips and chains are not for everyone – just ask the people who ended up in the hospital with burns from hot wax…
11. Mean Girls
Lie: You’ll die.
Even though it still runs through my head every time a friend texts her booty call, I haven’t been to any sex-related funerals…yet.
12. Every movie ever
Lie: You’re going to have a sexy O face.
It’s actually going to look like you’re competing in a contest to make the ugliest face and the prize money is one million dollars.
