(Girl, bringing a drink back to a table.)
Guy: Whad’ya get?
Girl: It’s a gimlet.
Guy: Oh. We usually freeze those. Or put them in the gravy.
While I love my boyfriend Matt to death, there comes a time (OK, many times) when he drive me insane. Sometimes all of the little annoying habits he has make either want to barf or slap him upside the head. I’m sure some of you will think “That’s terrible! I would never be grossed out by or want to hurt my boyfriend!” But I’d put money down on the table right now that most of you feel my pain and are sitting there right now thinking, “OMG, sometimes my boyfriend annoys the crap out of me.”
(Two girls, on a campus bus.)
Girl 1: So did they have sex?
Girl 2: No, they boarded Penetration Station but the train never left.
(Guy and girl in tour group, walking through campus.)
Guy: Flying’s weird. Turbulence feels like you’re … hitting a ton of small animals, or something.
Girl: Ohh-kay. Don’t know you well enough for that kind of humor yet.
(Guy, girl, in a restaurant.)
Guy: I’ve heard from Davis and Florida State.
Girl: Wait, Florida State? Where’s that?
(Girls, talking at dinner.)
Girl: Today was horrible.
Girl 2: Yeah?
Girl 1: I had the worst headache. It was so bad, I couldn’t pee.
(Two girls, walking)
Girl 1: OK, we take this to the grave.
Girl 2: Yeah, no one can find out.
Girl 1: Kinda like the time I cried in the Lizzie McGuire movie.
Girl 2: Or when you peed on Stacie’s boots
(Girls, at breakfast.)
Girl 1: How was the party?
Girl 2: Weird. Some guy and his girlfriend trapped me in the bathroom all night.
(Girls, watching television in the lounge.)
Girl 1: I just like Peyton and beer.
Girl 2: I’d hit Peyton. I’d hit his chin, too, if he had. one.
(Two girls, walking.)
Girl 1: So how was last night?
Girl 2: It was great. Craziest sex I’ve ever had…. But I’m worried. I think he might like me.
(Girl, on the phone.)
Girl: Uh, just so you know, that pee in the bed last night was yours, not mine…. Yeah I’m sure…. No as soon as I heard that coming out I grabbed my pants and ran out…. Yeah, I’ll need to come get my bra later.
(Two guys, in the lunchroom.)
Guy 1: I’ll give you a hint. His name rhymes with Awesome.
Guy 2: Plawsome.
Guy 1: No.
(Two girls, walking through the mud after a football game.)
Girl 1: I want to make a really inappropriate joke.
Girl 2: Is it a Trail of Tears joke?
Girl 1: Okay, yeah.