The guy I’m dating and I just started getting intimate in bed about a month ago, but I noticed something that doesn’t seem to be changing: after I go down on him, he won’t kiss me until I go brush my teeth. It’s a total mood killer. How do I bring up such an awkward subject?
Not Loving Sex Intermission
My Dear Not Loving Sex Intermission,
Let’s be honest, does anyone like a sex intermission? Absolutely not. Unfortunately, though, you are still within the age range where sex intermissions are far too common. (I’m just taking a guess here, because it’s pretty immature of him.) This intermission to your exotic foreplay is not due to some unstoppable force, but rather a hygienic concern on your lover’s behalf (yes, I picture it being exotic…don’t take that away from me).
You say you have only started getting intimate a month ago. This tells me that it is still quite early in your sexcapades, at least with each other, which is a good thing because you’re still learning about each other in life and in the bedroom. It may surprise you just how many of our habits in life also cross over the threshold to the bedroom…or the the kitchen table, office, and the back seat of your friend Julie’s Honda Accord. If someone is meticulously neat in life, it is safe to say these personality traits will also transfer over to the bedroom, for better or for worse. So before you start questioning him about his unwillingness to hook up with you after blowing his mind (pun intended), ask yourself, “Is he super hygienic in his daily life?” If so, then this sex-termission may indeed be an issue. If he isn’t, then all is not lost. There are both men and women who love going down, who enjoy going down, who take pride in their work, and happen to be very good at it. For everyone else, it is merely an act performed out of necessity, a chore to please the other, to pre-heat the oven so-to-speak, or just done so the act can be reciprocated.
His distaste for a post-oral hook up is not uncommon, but it also doesn’t warrant a teeth brushing before getting back to business. It is still early in your relationship, and you are still becoming comfortable with each other – which means if you give him a little bit of time and a little bit of persuading, this habit may soon diminish. Before bring up this awkward topic, wait a little longer and see if as he grower closer to you, he grows farther from his teeth brushing ways. In the mean time, there are some very important questions you need to ask yourself, just in case he does not grow out of it. For instance, even with the breaks, how good is the sex? Is this break in the action causing problems with performance? Is it so good that you can handle keeping a toothbrush next to the bed? Does he go down on you? If so, does he go and brush his own teeth before continuing? Is this affecting your relationship outside the bedroom. If this is something that cannot be resolved, would you break up with him?
If you find that over the next month he has not become lenient with his teeth brushing ways, then my first suggestion is that you do start an open dialog with him; communication is the most important thing to any successful relationship. As awkward as a subject as it may seem, you are a young adult (again I’m assuming), and if you really like him and he really likes you, there should be no awkwardness in any conversation about sex. Let’s be real, sex in itself is a hot, messy, and awesomely awkward thing. If you choose to avoid the conversation but still wish to see the act change, well then here are some things you can do:
1. Remember you have the vagina, therefore, you hold all the power. Men have never gone to war over a penis, but they have over a vagina. Just ask the Greeks about the Trojan War, jk, but I am referring to the condom brand if you didn’t catch on. You make the rules in the bedroom and have control of all situations, even if that situation involves making him feel like he’s in control. Use this power make it difficult for him to get what he wants, until he becomes more reasonable.
2. Oral is a two way street. This means that if he wants you to down on him, he must also go down on you too. If you put him into a situation were you are making him go brush his teeth, he himself may learn to understand how you feel.
3. If you get to the point were this teeth bushing habit has not changed, but you really like him and the sex is still very good despite interruptions, than you just might have to take oral of the table. If he really misses it, like I’m sure he will, then he will get passed his foreplay-ceasing ways.
I applauded you for asking such a question, and I can assure you that this is something that happens often enough with couples in the bedroom. It is a learning process, a process that will only make you and your date closer – closer as friends, closer as a couple, and above all, closer in the bedroom. When it comes down to it, the more you learn about each other’s likes and dislikes, the better the sex will be. I have faith in you in terms of your guy, your relationship, and your ability to give really really good b…….kisses. I give you my best wishes for mind-blowingly awesome, head-banging sex. Good luck!
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]
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