My boyfriend of about a year is great, except one issue – once every month or so, he drinks more than he can handle. I end up bringing him home, getting him to bed, and dealing with his hangover the next day. It’s obviously annoying, but what bothers me most is that I feel like I can’t drink more than a few beers whenever we go out just in case he has one of those nights. How do I let him know he has to cut it out?
Girlfriend Not Babysitter
Dear Girlfriend Not Babysitter,
Oof. You’ve got yourself a tough one here, sweetheart. On one hand, I want to take your word for it and say, “Well, if it’s only once a month, at least you know he’ll think twice about it next weekend.” But I’m venturing to guess that’s not exactly the case (it’s because I’m a dude). I’m definitely not saying he’s straight up polluting himself every weekend, but two of his buddies meets up with you while you’re out and Randy’s having a hard time getting over his ex, the easiest “solution” is shots: Makes the friend forgetful, he pulls out a couple of sick dance moves, and all of a sudden your boyfriend is wingman extraordinaire.
But reindeer games are only fun if you’re playing them. Ideas: The night before you decide you’ve had a long week, you’re really stressed, and he’s binge watched whatever FX series he found on Netflix, tell him your intentions to let loose tonight and hand him the keys (also a great time to throw in, “You’re not going to get too drunk like last weekend, are you?”); if he values your safety and well-being, that should be a clue enough. When you’re at the bar, keep your eyes open and have a back-up plan; better to have it and not need it, then need it and not have it. If he fails these tests, drinks too much, and returns to his position on the couch (moaning and groaning because guys are babies when they’re not feeling well), ignore him. Get out of the house, meet a girlfriend for lunch, and plan out exactly what you want to say to him, I promise you he’ll be in no condition to listen to and understand what you’re saying. Lastly and most crucially communicate with him what is upsetting you. Cannot stress that enough; the second most important thing is communication, the first most is respect. If he doesn’t make an attempt at the former, he doesn’t have any of the latter.
All the best,
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]
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