Cole Sprouse stayed largely under the radar between his childhood role as Cody or Zach (I don’t have the level of interest required to Google it, I’m sorry) and Jughead from Riverdale, so you can be forgiven if, like me, you were also unaware that he has a Twitter game to rival Chrissy Teigen.
The many-year gap between small screen roles has given him time to reflect, gain perspective, and tweet about his child stardom with exactly the right combination of dark humor and poignant sarcasm, and I didn’t even need to search to assemble this list of tweets; I barely had to subject my thumbs to any scrolling.
He tweets throwback childhood photos that will take your sentimentality for Zach/Cody and twist it in the best, most crooked way:
When the doctor asks me how long I've been smoking I just give em this pic pic.twitter.com/Hqe25c3y7d
— Cole M. Sprouse (@colesprouse) April 13, 2017
GameCube launch with Lil Kim was 🔥 pic.twitter.com/mMAhdXoulI
— Cole M. Sprouse (@colesprouse) April 13, 2017
He offers sage advice:
Protect your virginity with a strong pair of fingerless gloves.
— Cole M. Sprouse (@colesprouse) April 12, 2017
He opens up about his true dedication to his fans:
I only started acting again so you guys wouldn't feel like you wasted money on the posters of me at 12.
— Cole M. Sprouse (@colesprouse) April 2, 2017
He addresses the hate that older generations reserve for millennials:
"Millennials," the old man scoffed, throwing his cigarette butt into the community park.
— Cole M. Sprouse (@colesprouse) March 28, 2017
But, also acknowledges that children are terrible:
"This game cheats" the young boy squealed, losing a second time with his pathetic statement.
— Cole M. Sprouse (@colesprouse) March 11, 2017
As are many men:
"BUT WHAT ABOUT MEN-" shhhhhh SHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhHhhhhhhhhh
hush now sweet boy shhhhhhh now is time to rest— Cole M. Sprouse (@colesprouse) March 8, 2017
And he follows his heart and maintains his dreams.
I'm just out here trying to make sure Dylan and I never lose our joint Wikipedia page.
— Cole M. Sprouse (@colesprouse) March 1, 2017
