A Predictive Keyboard Wrote A ‘Harry Potter’ Chapter & I Can’t Breathe

Harry Potter fans have been grappling for the past decade with how to say goodbye to the beloved series — but a brand-new chapter revives Harry, Ron, and Hermione for a four-page journey readers won’t soon forget.

Botnik Studios developed a predictive keyboard that learned the words from all seven Harry Potter books and put them to the best possible use. In an innovative new novel titled Harry Potter and What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash, Harry fights Voldemort, insults Ron, and dips Hermione in hot sauce surrounded by a group of polite Death Eaters. (Ron also eats Hermione’s entire family?)

The four-page “chapter” is called “The Handsome One,” and features these frame-worthy quotes:

“Ron’s Ron shirt was just as bad as Ron himself.”

“To Harry, Ron was a loud, slow, and soft bird. Harry did not like to think about birds.”

“Harry tore his eyes from his head and threw them into the forest.”

While the chapter comes from predictive text, comedian Nat Towsen notes that the best “pieces of copy” were chosen, then arranged into a narrative to form the story. Botnik Studios’ original tweet now has nearly 100,000 likes, and readers can’t get enough of the absurd and nostalgic wackiness.

While the chapter is at its core ridiculous (ridikkulus), it also does a bloody impressive job parodying J.K. Rowling’s eerie writing style, Ron’s dialogue, and Harry’s emotional outbursts throughout the series. Read the entire journey here — it’s ten minutes you won’t soon want back.

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