Today was an unfortunate day. While perusing the internet, I ran across a teaser of Levi Johnston’s Playgirl magazine photo shoot. My curiosity got the best of me, and to say it killed the cat is an understatement. I think “made the cat look at a whole lot of nasty testicles…and then killed it” is more accurate.

I followed the link to Playgirl.com and was immediately overwhelmed by peen. (Note: I am not including the link here to spare your eyes.) Never have I ever seen so many schlongs in my entire life. All shapes, sizes and pube lengths; it was like my eyes were under attack by penis-shaped daggers.

This experience did more than force me to fight my natural gag reflex/delete the browsing history on the university computer I was using in the computer lab; it got me thinking about the presence of Playgirl at all. Read More »

Ready to see this guy's hockey stick?

Are you getting pumped about Levi Johnston’s upcoming full-frontal spread in Playgirl?

Wait, what’s that? You just threw up in your mouth a little?

Levi might be conventionally attractive, but his status as Bristol Palin’s baby-daddy, Jon Gosselin’s new buddy – Michael Lohan must be green with envy – and an all-around jerk (in response to New York Magazine asking him how he was adjusting to life in the Big Apple, Levi said, “I run this city. It ain’t no thang.” UGH) means that we’re less than excited about the idea of having naked pictures of this asshat plastered all over the internet next week.

After giving the matter some thought, we realized that there are actually only five guys that we’d be even more opposed to seeing in their birthday suits. Read the list if you dare—the thought of these dudes naked might just make you shudder. Read More »

We didn’t think it would happen either.

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So, if you haven’t already heard, the new cover girl of Playboy magazine is…wait for it….Marge Simpson. Not the first person we think of when considering sexy women. But I suppose those long legs, that voluminous hair and those big alluring eyes could do the trick.

This got us thinking: if men can ogle cartoon women then we sure as hell can drool over some hunky cartoon men. And there are plenty to choose from.

Be careful though, at the end of the day they are fantasy, and they may have our actual prospects looking a little less then desirable. But hey, a girl can dream, right? Read More »

Ok, now correct me if I’m wrong, but Brody did come out of his hotel room in Hawaii and tell all the boys that he cheated on Jayde, right? (And what the hell kind of stripper name is Jayde, really?!) Does Brody consider sitting up all night talking about his GF with another girl cheating or was he just trying to impress his friends by telling them that he cheated?

Because this week we learn that he didn’t hook up with Audrina at all and they just slept – yes, slept – in the same bed. Being an adult woman, I do consider that inappropriate for someone in a relationship, but I wouldn’t call that cheating. And if it were my boyfriend, I wouldn’t get my trashy, Playmate entourage to stick their fake press-on nails in that poor girl’s face.

It’s not that big a deal. And my friends don’t wear fake nails. Read More »

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Bettie Page died Thursday night after suffering a heart attack December 2, leaving her on life support. The infamous Ms. Page was known for being a sexual icon, the first of her kind, and paving the way for women and sexuality.

Even though Bettie gave up modeling back in the early ’60s, she has not been forgotten. The phrase “pin-up girl” is automatically associated with her name and infamous curvacious body and jet black hair. She has inspired kinkiness in all sorts of forms as thousands of women have attempted to follow in her footsteps, artists have painted her, and film makers have documented her life (“The Notorious Bettie Page”).

Despite her unfortunate passing, I have a feeling Ms. Page will continue to inspire women. Even celebs today have tried to emmulate her sex appeal (think Kat Von D). Hef himself described her as “a combination of wholesome innocence and fetish-oriented poses that is at once retro and very modern.” She is timeless.

She was a woman’s woman who exuded sex from her pores and left every guy wanting more. It is no wonder Ms. Page is held in such high esteem. She is an inpsiration to women everywhere and has definitely left her mark on me. Read More »

Big news in the nudie magazine world! Christie Hefner, daughter of Hugh, will be stepping down as the CEO of Playboy Enterprises in January.

I know what you’re thinking: wasn’t that Hugh’s job?

Guess not. I mean, obviously the man is too busy popping Viagra and sleeping with young and oh-so-blonde models to be burdened with the actual business of the magazine!

Which leads me to my next thought (even though I am trying so hard to fight it): what must it be like to be Christie Hefner and have the sluttiest dad on the planet? A dad who started a magazine that featured naked ladies doin’ the spread eagle! A dad who sleeps with women half his daughter’s age! A man who is known for his bedroom antics.

Ewwww.

My mom and dad once held hands in front of me and I had to fight back the vomit. Maybe that’s why Christie is “looking to make a change in her life” after all these years – she’s gotten a bit too old to be spending her evenings picking out full frontal shots with her daddy. Or, you know, she is ready to move onto something more…well…something with less nipple.

But none of that really matters. The important thing is there is a job opening in this crappy economy! Get your resumes in, ladies! This one’s for the takin’.

Rumor has it funny lady Chelsea Handler might be doing a little somethin‘ for Playboy and I, for one, fully support it. (Weird cuz I’m a girl, I know, but hear me out!)

It’s about time funny girls are seen as the sex icons we, I mean, they are!

Take for example, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, and Sarah Silverman. Those are three very funny and very sexy ladies. I mean, Sarah Silverman graced the cover of Maxim last year. Mind you, it was a little weird with the whole gorilla suit thing, but she still looked sexy. And Maxim also declared Tina Fey as one of the 5 women they aren’t supposed to want…but they do anyway. And I don’t blame them!

Think about it! Women have been attracted to funny guys for-e-ver. People like Adam Sandler and Jim Carrey were never conventionally sexy, but women were falling at their feet. Why? Because they were funny. It is about time men caught on and realized that sexy can mean more than big boobs and long, blonde hair, and that a funny woman can be the sexiest thing of all.

So, rock on, funny ladies, rock on! The world is your oyster.

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