Question? Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv. tuffyluvcc [at] gmail [dot] com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I was dating this guy for a 3 years who was really awful to me, and I don’t know why I stayed, but I did. He always called me horrible names like ‘b*tch’ and ‘whore’ for no reason -  we fought all the time, and he accused me of being a horrible person. He wouldn’t let me hang out with my friends, and I was basically supporting him financially.

Last month he started getting a little physical. He pushed me during two different arguments. The final straw was when he put his hand on my throat during a fight. I got really scared and ended things.

For a month he called, texted and emailed nonstop. Until last week. He stopped all of a sudden, and I thought he had finally got the clue.  I hadn’t heard from him in a week when he suddenly showed up at my 21st birthday party. He knew about it, because I had invited him prior to our falling out. Even though I told him not to come when I broke up with him, he showed up and it was really weird. He bought me a present–this is the first time he has bought me anything– and hung around staring at me. I was uncomfortable and ended up going home early.

Now he thinks I’m dating someone new (I’m not), and he told me in the past that he would really hurt me if I ever was with someone else. I’m scared, but I don’t want to make a huge deal about it in case I’m wrong. Also, it’s embarrassing. What should I do?

Freaked Out

Dear Freaked Out,

CALL THE POLICE.

I am so not kidding. You SHOULD be freaked out. I’m freaked out, too. We’re all freaked out. This guy is potentially dangerous. Don’t take any chances, you hear me? There are too many tragic stories where a woman is too ashamed to report a man who ends up taking her life. You need to go to the police station and file a report. Get a restraining order if they’ll give you one. Change your locks. Change your phone. Ask the police for advice.

But please don’t wait. This guy sounds erratic, and he’s already been physical. Tell your friends what’s going on, so they can be on the lookout too. ALWAYS have someone walk you home or to your car or wherever you’re going–you don’t want to take any chances until things have been resolved.

You need to trust your gut here. He’s making you feel unsafe. That’s because this is an unsafe situation. You need to take all the help you can get. File the report and keep the police updated with everything he does that intrudes on your personal space. Do not give this guy an inch.

You only get one life. Take care of it. You were brave to end it with him. Don’t let him intimidate you–keep being the brave, strong woman you always were.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m almost 21 and have never had a boyfriend! I went to an all-girls high school and never socialized with guys. My circle of friends consisted of girls and this carried on as I entered university.

It’s not that I’ve never been approached before. I just think I have never met a guy I’ve genuinely been interested in. Of course there have been the occasional crushes, but those never went beyond physical appearances. I think I have high standards and easily pin point flaws in guys that immediately turn me off from the idea of being with them (eg: they lack manners or smoke), but it’s because I’m not interested in anything casual. If I am going to commit to a relationship, I have to be convinced we can make it last. Is it too much to ask for a guy who is kind and makes me laugh? (And who accepts me and my quirks?)

I don’t think I lack confidence and I don’t think I’m hideous looking. I think my problem is I don’t know how to act and talk to guys. I can be myself, but sometimes I can be blunt and lack empathy. My friends find my deadpan humor funny, but I think others don’t get it and it turns them away. To give you a better idea, I believe I may have Asperger’s Syndrome. I haven’t been diagnosed, but when I read about it, I can relate to, 95% of the signs and symptoms! I find whenever I talk to guys and people I don’t know very well, I have a difficult time holding my end of the conversation. I either don’t know how to engage the person or don’t know the appropriateness of the topics I can share. Read More »

Boys. Not always quite as reliable as we would like, are they? I blame rom coms for raising my expectations when it comes to relationships. The truth is that a guy is probably never going to chase me to the airport to stop me from leaving, or beg for my forgiveness on his knees, or dance like Hugh Grant in Love Actually. But that’s ok, I guess. Because I’ve got my phone. That’s right. Here are 10 reasons why my BlackBerry is way better than my boyfriend.

initiating the gallery...

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

This is really embarrassing, so I’m just going to say it – I love porn. My boyfriend likes porn, too, but he doesn’t know that I like it. I want to tell him, because I think it would be really hot to look at it together. But I’m embarassed. I also don’t want him to think I’m a slut or anything. We’ve been together all throughout college, so it’s not like he would think that but still… How can I tell him in a way that is sexy and not slutty?

Porn Lover

Dear Porn Lover,

That is totally not slutty. How is it slutty to want to enjoy something you find sexually satisfying with the very man you find sexually satisfying?! No. Slutty, it is not. Honey, here’s my advice:

During The Sexy Times, whisper a really sexy scenario into your boyfriend’s ear. When he’s all worked up over it, tell him you got it from your favorite porn and suggest watching it together. And then, you know, actually watch it together. I’m pretty sure he’ll be super excited. And I mean flooping SUPER excited. You like something he already likes, it’s related to sex, and you’re his girlfriend!

Girl, this isn’t a problem. This is every guy’s dream!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

[lead image via Margarita Borodina / Shutterstock]

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So my boyfriend of almost two years and I just broke up. I can honestly say that this is the first time that I have been literally devastated after a breakup. I’m in college and I can’t bring it in myself to do anything, except go to class and back to my apartment. I really love this guy and I want to help him realize that we should be together. The reason behind the breakup was because he let a girl (whom he has had past relations with) kiss his neck at a party that I did not attend. When he told me, I made a rash decision, freaked out and broke up with him. The next day after thinking about it I realized that I love him too much to let him go, and his actions honestly weren’t that bad (he had the courage to tell me himself).

When I talked to him the next day I gave him an ultimatum of either deleting the girl’s number or mine. And he chose to keep the girl’s number. He said it wasn’t because he wanted to be with that girl, but because his actions made him confused on whether or not he wanted to be in a relationship right now. He says that he won’t have time to focus on me with graduation quickly approaching. While saying all of this he was crying, and before he left he said that he loved me and hopes that in the future he can try to work his way back into my life.

I honestly just want  to be with him. I don’t want to wait till later, and because it hurts too much I can’t just be friends with him. What should I do?! Please help!

Broken Heart </3 Read More »

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Firstly, I can’t believe I’m graduating in a month and am meant to become a real, live, moneymaking member of society.  But what I am really worried about is what to do about my current relationship situation.

I’ve been dating my current boyfriend (we’ll call him J) since September.  This is my first serious relationship and it has been amazing.  A few bumps in the road, but I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been this happy and in love (yeah, I’m one of those nauseatingly happy couples — I apologize).  Problem is that J is British and he goes back home after graduation.

When we first started dating, I had the attitude that it was just for fun.  When my friends would ask me where I saw it going, I would answer something like “Everything is great, but since he has to leave in May, it kind of has an expiration date.”  Over the course of college, I have seen a few friends try a LDR and it has never ended well for any of them.  As a result, I’ve always had the attitude that it was something just not worth trying unless the two parties involved were hoping for some serious emotional torture.  Also, J is not at all my usual type, so I figured that it wouldn’t ever get to the point where I saw him as the guy I wanted to spend years and years with. Read More »

Another day, another Bieber story. But this time, he’s not being accused of impregnating a random woman or having terrible hair. He has a new single! It’s called “Boyfriend.” You know, so that all the little 12 year old girls who are obsessed with Justin Bieber can pretend he’s singing it just for them.

I’ve never been a Bieber fan (cue the angry comments), but I think he’s reached a new level of awful with this song. In the intro, he makes sort of an attempt at rapping, but it’s more like a male version of the Ke$ha sing-talk. And then he starts singing, and from there the song pretty much turns into a Jesse McCartney ripoff.

Some sample lyrical gems: “I could be a Buzz Lightyear, fly across the globe.” Come on Beibs. If I wanted a plastic doll for a boyfriend, obviously I would choose Ken. Oh, and also this: “If I was your man…” Wait, didn’t you just turn 18? LOL. Honey, you are nobody’s “man.” Read More »

Before we get into the thick of this, I want to make something very clear. I am not an overly romantic person. I roll my eyes at cheesy love songs, have absolutely no plans for my wedding, and think the idea of giving each other gifts for every single holiday is not only a bit much but also expensive. I am not a high maintenance girl. I swear– you can check my references. But I’ve noticed a disturbing trend as of late that has made me stop and say something I never thought I would say…

What happened to wooing? What happened to a guy and a girl getting together for a date and getting to know each other? What happend to calling a girl to speak to her instead of sending an endless stream of texts? Why are guys trying to arrange and cancel dates via Facebook? It’s awkward and unnatural, and honestly, kind of cowardly. And completely unromantic.

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have a friend (let’s call her D) who is always asking me when I’m going to break up with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I got together senior year of high school, and now it’s junior year of college. He’s really great, and we love each other. He’s not going anywhere.

D and I used to be really close , but she’s always been really jealous of my boyfriend. He’s always nice to her, and when we hang out in a group, we all have a good time. She says it’s nothing personal; she just thinks I’d be happier single. I think she’d just be happier if I were single. She always wants me to come out for “girls’ nights,” and then she tries to get me to hook up with random guys! I don’t know what her deal is. Every single one of my other friends loves my boyfriend. What should I do?

Friend Problems

Dear Friend Problems,

Man, this girl is jealous! D clearly wants you all to herself, and not in that fun sexual way, either. Misery loves company, and singles love wing-friends. Being single can be totally fun. But it sounds like your friend wants you to be her partner in crime, and you’re already spoken for! She’s like, “Gosh, wouldn’t it be fun if Friend Problems broke up with her awesome boyfriend, because I want to go partying in with her?”

NO, YOU SHOOPHEAD D, NO IT WOULD NOT.

Look, you have a boyfriend you obviously care a great deal about, and it sounds like he’s awesome. Your friend, however, sounds crappy. If you’re already going out with her, why does she want you to cheat on your boyfriend?! Why does she want you to break up with him?! Because she’s selfish as floop.

Don’t get caught up in this. Keep hanging out with D if you like her (although she sounds really annoying if you ask lil ol’ Aunt Tuff). But the second she brings up your boyfriend in ANY WAY, I want you to say this exact phrase EVERY SINGLE TIME: “I love him so much. I’m not going to talk about him with you.” And change the goshdarn flooping subject!

Geez. D sucks.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

[lead image via Piotr Marcinski, shutterstock.com] 

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My boyfriend of three years just had a falling out with one of his closest friends. I don’t want to go into it here, but it was over something really stupid, neither of them will apologize and now they’re not speaking.

I want to help him mend it, but it seems like it’s just making us fight. I’ve tried talking about it with him and he says he doesn’t want to talk about it. I even tried getting them together at a party, but they wouldn’t speak to each other and my boyfriend just got upset and asked me not to do that again. He says he doesn’t want to be friends with this guy anymore, but I know it’s hurting him. Read More »