Every week I count backwards from ten. I know, I’m kind of a big deal. Usually these countdowns have a theme like which phrases really grind my gears (“grind my gears” should be mentioned) or how I’m still effing sober, despite the fact that I could really go for a dirty martini right now.

I know it’s early, stop judging.

This week, in light of the ever-riveting Emmys, I’ve decided to countdown the ten primetime ladies that I wish I could be in real life. Most of them are from currently aired shows, but of course I had to let some of my canceled favorites slip by.

10. Cuddy – House
Who wouldn’t love to work with the ever lovable Dr. House? Cuddy is a complete non-pushover HBIC (look it up) who always looks fierce. And her hair is never out of place! Unlike that awful Cameron. Barf.

9. Lucille Bluth – Arrested Development
Why did this show get canceled? Why? I hope one day to be Lucille when I’m a “Gangy,” dirty martini in hand and Chanel skirt suits never out of place. Hopefully I’ll be slightly less mentally damaging to my family, though. Slightly.

8. Heidi Klum – Project Runway
The only non-fictional character on the list. This one’s a no brainer. Except I’m not sure how I’d go home to Seal every night.

7. Pam – The Office
I’m not a huge Pam fan. In fact, I was totally Team Karen while she was on the show. But, she has Jim Halpert (John Krasinski) and that’s all I need. Read More »

So who took home the big statues?

Rebecca Gayhart’s having a (crack) baby.

10 things not to say to your hot bartender.

Your menstrual cycle is blogging.

5 ways to meet someone this fall.

Custom size condoms?

It’s time for the Emmys!

While the stars strut their stuff down the red carpet in haute couture dresses, we’re resting comfortably in our bed wearing nothing but an old t-shirt and a pair of VS undies shoving Pad Thai in our face. Because nothing goes better with an award show than drowning our fashion-envy sorrows in a bowl of greasy noodles.

We’ve got two full hours of designer goodness (and – fingers crossed – total disaster) coming our way, so let’s get to the show!

Get your TV set to E! and enjoy a little Ryan Seacrest action with us.

Leave your thoughts in the comments so we can all discuss the highs and lows together.

If you have any immediate concerns you absolutely need me to address, feel free to IM me at “mel1236″ on AIM

5:44 PM: Settled on the couch with my bowl of cereal, pajamas and laptop. Just put on E! to the dismay of my male, lacrosse-playing roommate. Seacrest, I’m so ready for you.

6:01 PM: Yay! It’s starting! Glam Cam 360? Livefeed of Twitter? Ryan, you’ve outdone yourself, bedecked in Burberry fabulosity. Mr. Jay, what’s all up on your collar? Also, Kourtney? No. Want Khloe. Whoa she is preg.

6:05 PM: Heidi’s preggo too? Again? Am I watching the red carpet or a commercial for Maternity World?

6:10 PM: Aww, Neil Patrick Harris in the 360 cam. Heart you. I’m hoping for some Harold and Kumar antics on stage. Read More »

So many award shows, so little time.

First the MTV VMAs and now the Primetime Emmys!

While the actual show is sorta boring, the Emmy red carpet is one of the best of the year. We love to see what Jenna Fischer looks like when she’s not donning dowdy Pam Beasly clothes. And who doesn’t want to see Patrick Dempsey in a tux? Mmmm mmmm good.

Since we’ve got nothing else to do on a Sunday night (besides that 175 pages of reading for history), we thought we’d watch the Red Carpet show with you. Starting at 6pm EST we’ll be live-blogging it all with Ryan Seacrest and Giuliana Rancic on the E! Emmy preshow.

So order some Thai delivery, grab your laptop and watch with us! We’re sure there won’t be any Kanye moments, but we can guarantee someone will be wearing something equally as scandalous.

Get that studying done now and we’ll meet you back here at 6!

Nominations for the 61st Emmy Awards were announced today and I’m excited.  Not only do I have a degree of expertise in this particular area (I watch a LOT of TV), but I find that the Emmy Awards are even more bitchy than the Oscars…and that pleases me.  Also, this particular awards show validates all my time spent on my couch (and youtube, hulu, etc.) being a lazy jerk and watching TV.  I can say I was “researching.”  Yeah.  Researching.

My “researching,” as it were, has lead me to spot a couple snubs and surprises in this year’s crop of nominations.  The first (and most important) surprise is the acting and series categories were expanded to hold more contenders.  This is awesome because shows (that I adore) that aren’t normally included now have the chance at major awards.  This is not awesome because now I will have a major identity crisis during the actual awards show.  For example, Family Guy has gotten a nomination for best comedy series.  That puts the show up against others like The Office, 30 Rock, Flight of the Conchords and more.  Well…crap.  I love all of those.  WTF am I supposed to do now??

The reality series category held more shockers.  As in, no Jon & Kate Plus 8?? No Real Housewives?  Does the world hold no meaning any more?! Those shows are some of the best on TV – how do those Emmy people not realize that? Sure, Jon and Kate Plus Drama…and Ed Hardy is getting a little annoying, but don’t you want to see who went with who to the awards show?

And what Kate would do to dress up that hair? Read More »

Jamie Lynn Spears is officially a single mom.

The Emmy Nominations are out! Go, 30 Rock!

Wanna find a boyfriend? Try these tips…

Bethenny Frankel’s getting her own show!

Watch out, ladies. Amy Winehouse is back on the market!

In case you, too, want the strongest vajayjay.

Awards season is in full swing, which has got me drooling over all those leading ladies’ gorgeous gowns and dresses. Of course, I don’t have a few thousand spare bucks lying around to buy their specific pieces, but for a mere fraction of the price I, too, can look stunning and glamorous for that upcoming Oscar party, hot Valentine’s date, or ladies’ night out. I found this entire ensemble at Forever 21 for under $75. Read More »

(In our first ever weekly installment of G.W.W.E [Guys We Want to Eff], we decided to tackle the possibly oily but strangely hot Jeremy Piven.

If you have an expensive cable package, you love him as Ari on Entourage, and if you’ve only got basic, you love him from the small to medium roles he’s played in tons of various movies that were not always good. Now, on with the GWWEeeing…)

Two Sundays ago, the Emmy’s were on. I don’t watch the Emmy’s because they’re boring and everyone is always thanking God — who probably doesn’t give a crap about your little gold statue when there are wars and famines going on all over the globe — but I happened to switch over to it during a commercial break from TLC’s Incredible Medical Mysteries (best show ever. TiVo it NOW).

The part of the snooze-fest I ended up catching was Jeremy Piven’s heartfelt acceptance speech for his 3rd Emmy for Entourage. And something just…happened. I was inexplicably drawn to his chiseled boyish middle-agedness. My insides got all hot and tingly. There was a need to see what he was rocking underneath that tux.

Maybe it was his fantabulous hair plugs. Or wig. Maybe it was his new cut bod. Maybe he went to a voodoo lady and found a potion to make girls almost 20 years his junior want to eff him. Whatever he did. It worked. I want to eff all 43 years of him. Read More »

Shanna Moakler reacts to Travis Barker’s plane crash.

The awkwardness of the Emmys in 2 minutes.

Want Britney’s hand-me-downs? You can buy em!

Against all odds, 90210 is picked up for a full season.

Whitney Port is getting her own show.

Watch out NYC – here comes LiLo!

It’s twins for porn star, Jenna Jameson.

Twitter for the Christian folk.

There is no way Britney really looks like this.

Heidi’s many Emmy outfits. Which was your fav?

The 10 friends you need to have.

We spent so much time checking out the fashion from last night’s Emmy Awards that we almost forgot about da boys. And boy did they look goooooood.

There were the usual drool-worthy dudes – John Stewart, David Boreanaz, Adrien Grenier, Patrick Dempsey, (and hottie newcomer John Hamm) – and then there were the surprises. The guys who were always so-so, but somehow looked so good last night that we wanted to hump the flat screen.

My favorite: Jeremy Piven.

Second Best: Josh (normally nerdy) Groban.

I don’t know if it was Piven’s 5 o’clock shadow or Groban’s charming little smile, but these guys looked really f–ing good. Better than the rest. Yes, even John Krasinski.

Which sexy celeb did you prefer?