If you didn’t watch the Emmys last night, well I don’t blame you. With the exception of The Lonely Island plus Michael Bolton and company, there wasn’t much happening. Sure there were some decent jokes, but where was the pizazz and energy? I spent more time laughing at Michael Vick for getting taken down by the Falcons than I did at Jane Lynch’s punchlines. We agreed that if we ran the Emmys, things would have been a lot more exciting. Here’s what would go down if CC was in charge…

1. Justin Timerlake hosting: JT on Saturday Night Live is the best thing since sliced bread. He wasn’t even in The Lonely Island performance! Yeah he won the Emmy for Guest Actor in a Comedy Series, but I was expecting him to at least be there. JT was no where to be found. I think Jane Lynch was good, though I’d rather her played the host role as Sue Sylvester instead. You hear that Emmy Academy? JT for 2012 host!

2. Charlie Sheen and Ashton Kutcher throw down: While the MaSheen kept it classy like San Diego, it would have been pretty awesome to see a fight between him and Ashton instead of Jimmy Fallon vs. Jimmy Kimmel. Charlie is trying to clean up his act, but a shirtless Michael Kelso fighting over tiger blood would have been much appreciated.

3. Modern Family wouldn’t have won every.single.thing: I love Modern Family, it’s hilarious. But it was one of those situations where you start to hate that movie that wins all of the Oscars. Same thing. I’m not saying they didn’t deserve their awards, but I wanted to see some other shows get credit where it’s due as well. Read More »

The Emmys are tonight, which means hot TV actors in tuxedos. I don’t really care who wins any of the awards, I just care that Jon Hamm gets more camera time than Ed O’Neill. This year, tons of swoon-worthy guys are nominated for awards, which means we will be glued to our TVs even if the show lasts 10 hours.

Here’s some hot men that we hope to see tonight. Read More »

Life obviously does not come with an instruction manual, and I’ll be the first to admit – sometimes I wish it did. When I went off to college, I knew it would take awhile to learn the ins-and-outs of living on campus, actively learning, and partying like a rock star, but it didn’t take me long to learn how to be what I like to call a “professional college student,” fulfilling all the duties and stereotypes known to man. It was easy. Post-grad though, well, it’s just a little more complicated. I never know where life after college will take me.

So, I guess I’m coping by doing what any 22-year-old would do: dabbling a little bit in this and a little bit in that. Although the LSAT is top priority (yeah you evil logic games, I’m talking to you), I have been on the prowl for an internship. In fact, since I’ve been out in California, I have applied for about a million (ok – probably about 25) different internships. Nearly every one required me to get college credit…which sucks for me since I’m past that stage. One, which I took, ended up being a major joke. However, finally, something perfect came along. For about two weeks now, I have been interning at a major online celebrity/pop culture gossip magazine. Instead of sitting behind a desk all day, I spent my first day at the red carpet premiere of Pirahna 3D. Since then, there has been no turning back when it comes to working celebrity gifting suites and Emmy weekend red carpet charity events.

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The big tragedy of moving back into my apartment today was realizing that since I decided to save money by nixing the cable TV, I could not watch the Emmy Red Carpet show. It was traumatic. Watching the stars arrive and chat with Ryan Seacrest, Giuliana Rancic and the other annoying people they usually bring in is the highlight of my night and way more exciting than watching people ramble off a list of thank yous before they are kindly escorted off the stage.

Though, to be fair, Jimmy Fallon did have some really good moments.

Anyways, thank god for the Internet, right? I spent the evening scouring the World Wide Web to find out what all my favorite TV stars were wearing to the big event. And, much like Modern Family’s “Best Comedy Series” win, I wasn’t surprised to see a lot of good, a lot of bad and some major WTF. Read More »

Dear Jimmy, Jimbo, J-dog, JF,

Big night ahead of you tomorrow, huh? You’ve really made it in the entertainment world now. You slipped into the spotlight when no one was looking and you almost made everyone forget about the Taxi movie.

And now you’re hosting the Emmys. The Mother-effin Emmys. The Oscar’s slightly awkward younger sister. With such a great title comes even greater responsibility. You’ve got to do your best to keep the show to 45 minutes, an hour max.  Oh, and make it funny. You’re young and you’re hip and it’s time we rewrite some of the hosting rules to keep this whole thing exciting and fresh. Fresh is a Hollywood buzzword, right?

No one wants to listen to winners spend 35 minutes thanking people with careers that most people don’t even know exist (I owe this all to my agent, my mistress, my assistant dressing room decorator who showed me that those banana yellow chairs really do help me learn my lines).

So break the rules, ignore the music cues, and make sure everyone keeps their acceptance speeches to 10 seconds. On second thought, skip the acceptance speeches. Have them wave from their seats and Tweet out anything they want to say. If LiLo can run through a therapy-session of Tweets about her Dad while high on coke prescription Adderall, then Tina Fey can do a decently witty acceptance speech in 140 characters.

Cut off the presenters when their intro speeches start sounding extra-staged. With the exception of my AOL-using Grandmother, we all know that awkwardly playful banter is scripted. I mean does anyone really believe that Sofia Vergara and that overgrown kid from Two-and-a-half Men really have that great of chemistry? Read More »

K-I-S-S-I-N-G (on camera!).

Are Hilary and Mike in for wedded bliss?

An open letter to hamburger sliders. Nom.

Sorry, younger sibs.

Who’s presenting at the Emmy’s?

10 lessons from single women in movies.

Every week I count backwards from ten. I know, I’m kind of a big deal. Usually these countdowns have a theme like which phrases really grind my gears (“grind my gears” should be mentioned) or how I’m still effing sober, despite the fact that I could really go for a dirty martini right now.

I know it’s early, stop judging.

This week, in light of the ever-riveting Emmys, I’ve decided to countdown the ten primetime ladies that I wish I could be in real life. Most of them are from currently aired shows, but of course I had to let some of my canceled favorites slip by.

10. Cuddy – House
Who wouldn’t love to work with the ever lovable Dr. House? Cuddy is a complete non-pushover HBIC (look it up) who always looks fierce. And her hair is never out of place! Unlike that awful Cameron. Barf.

9. Lucille Bluth – Arrested Development
Why did this show get canceled? Why? I hope one day to be Lucille when I’m a “Gangy,” dirty martini in hand and Chanel skirt suits never out of place. Hopefully I’ll be slightly less mentally damaging to my family, though. Slightly.

8. Heidi Klum – Project Runway
The only non-fictional character on the list. This one’s a no brainer. Except I’m not sure how I’d go home to Seal every night.

7. Pam – The Office
I’m not a huge Pam fan. In fact, I was totally Team Karen while she was on the show. But, she has Jim Halpert (John Krasinski) and that’s all I need. Read More »

So who took home the big statues?

Rebecca Gayhart’s having a (crack) baby.

10 things not to say to your hot bartender.

Your menstrual cycle is blogging.

5 ways to meet someone this fall.

Custom size condoms?

It’s time for the Emmys!

While the stars strut their stuff down the red carpet in haute couture dresses, we’re resting comfortably in our bed wearing nothing but an old t-shirt and a pair of VS undies shoving Pad Thai in our face. Because nothing goes better with an award show than drowning our fashion-envy sorrows in a bowl of greasy noodles.

We’ve got two full hours of designer goodness (and – fingers crossed – total disaster) coming our way, so let’s get to the show!

Get your TV set to E! and enjoy a little Ryan Seacrest action with us.

Leave your thoughts in the comments so we can all discuss the highs and lows together.

If you have any immediate concerns you absolutely need me to address, feel free to IM me at “mel1236″ on AIM

5:44 PM: Settled on the couch with my bowl of cereal, pajamas and laptop. Just put on E! to the dismay of my male, lacrosse-playing roommate. Seacrest, I’m so ready for you.

6:01 PM: Yay! It’s starting! Glam Cam 360? Livefeed of Twitter? Ryan, you’ve outdone yourself, bedecked in Burberry fabulosity. Mr. Jay, what’s all up on your collar? Also, Kourtney? No. Want Khloe. Whoa she is preg.

6:05 PM: Heidi’s preggo too? Again? Am I watching the red carpet or a commercial for Maternity World?

6:10 PM: Aww, Neil Patrick Harris in the 360 cam. Heart you. I’m hoping for some Harold and Kumar antics on stage. Read More »

So many award shows, so little time.

First the MTV VMAs and now the Primetime Emmys!

While the actual show is sorta boring, the Emmy red carpet is one of the best of the year. We love to see what Jenna Fischer looks like when she’s not donning dowdy Pam Beasly clothes. And who doesn’t want to see Patrick Dempsey in a tux? Mmmm mmmm good.

Since we’ve got nothing else to do on a Sunday night (besides that 175 pages of reading for history), we thought we’d watch the Red Carpet show with you. Starting at 6pm EST we’ll be live-blogging it all with Ryan Seacrest and Giuliana Rancic on the E! Emmy preshow.

So order some Thai delivery, grab your laptop and watch with us! We’re sure there won’t be any Kanye moments, but we can guarantee someone will be wearing something equally as scandalous.

Get that studying done now and we’ll meet you back here at 6!