We all agree that Lindsay Lohan is a train wreck. But can we really blame her for being so messed-up when she’s had to deal with parents like Michael and Dina Lohan?

Michael has been acting especially awful lately—he keeps leaking recordings of phone calls with Lindsay and her mom to the media, supposedly because he’s worried about her. Right, because the best way to help your strung-out daughter is by releasing calls that you recorded without her knowledge to the national press, who have always been nothing but kind to her.

What a douche.

Thinking about Michael Lohan reminds us of other Hollywood dads who are certified d-bags. Jon Gosselin, Alec Baldwin, the Hoff… all of them are rich, famous, and majorly jerky. But which one of them deserves to be named the Douchiest Hollywood Dad of all? Tell us what you think in the poll below. Read More »

While I have had many moments in my long and tumultuous relationship with The Hills where I found myself angry, disturbed or just plain annoyed with what was happening in these Botoxed/bleached/rich for no reason peoples’ lives, I can count on one hand the times I’ve laughed.

One finger, actually. And it was the time that Lauren was talking to crying Audrina at the beach over, you guessed it, Justin Bobby. And what did Lauren say? “Homeboy wore combat boots to the beach.”

LOL.
ZOMG.
ROTFL.

But last night it happened again. There I was eating Fiber 1 Frosted Mini Wheats (which, by the way, are amazing) when Speidi goes to a party with Sister Montag and she gets trashed and does this weird arm wave drunky dance against the window. It was one of the finest moments of TV I’ve seen all week. Although that’s not saying much, because I watch shows like “Bridezillas” and “The Biggest Loser.” Read More »

Having just “celebrated” banned books week in America, I started thinking about the importance of reading, the beauty of stories and how much books enrich all of our lives. And most of my thoughts came back to one single theme:

W.T.Eff?

Banning books? Seriously? First Obama gets attacked from those crazy moms who think he’s out to brainwash children by giving them talks on the importance of education and now reading is bad for children, too?

The whole thing is just absurd. Have people even read the books they’re trying to ban? How can a story about a pooh named Winnie who likes to eat honey and play in the woods with his other anthropomorphic friends possibly be bad? It seems like a book that is deemed “good” and “appropriate” these days is a book that will not inform your child of the existence of sex, racism, violence, homosexuality, the devil, bad language, and any other concept that will cause children to ask you awkward questions. The whole banned books thing will probably cause my AP Literature class to be renamed AP Literature That Will Morally Damage Your Soul.

Does this mean we should ban Pokemon as well, since the little animals “evolve,” which therefore enforces the idea of evolution and is therefore anti-Christian and therefore is Satanic? Winnie the Pooh may be the poster child for the obesity epidemic, his friend Eeyore for depression, and Kanga for single moms everywhere, but that doesn’t mean our younger siblings can’t read about them. I happen to like Tigger, even if he does have ADHD. And although Harry Potter may have “witchcraft and wizardry” and whatnot, it’s still one of the most significant contributions to literature in our lives, and as such, should be available to anyone who wants to read it.

So let’s take the attention and money away from banning books and focus on some more important things that should be eradicated from this planet. Because in 2009 there are so many things worse than kids in capes flying around on broomsticks or finding a lion in your closet. Read More »

So, yesterday was a bad day. A very bad day.

My dog was put to sleep.

I had a feeling the time was coming – my little Bichon was 15 years old – but hearing my mother tell me that my childhood pet was gone was shockingly painful. And unfortunately for me, none of the hundreds of people that I saw as I walked from the library to my apartment could hear what was happening on the other side of the call…and only saw me sobbing/wiping snot from my face with the palm of my hand.

When I finally did make it home, I was numb. People were calling to check in on me, offering to take me out. I really wanted nothing more than to sit on my couch and cry into a box of tissues, but then I realized I only had paper towel and after a few rounds of sobs into that sand paper, I realized I needed to get out of the house. I needed to distract myself and the only thing that could do that was TV. Reality TV. Project Runway.

So, I met up with a friend for martinis and some quality PRW. I knew that Tim Gunn, Heidi Klum and Epperson could cheer me up, or at least keep my (now hazy, thank you martini!) mind off of things.

Yeah right. Fast forward 53 minutes to judgment time and I’m sobbing once again.

Last night’s challenge was to design a costume for a Hollywood film. (And, obviously, that weird L’Oreal Paris guy was there to pimp his makeup.) The designers had to choose from a few different film genres and create a character, a story and a look within that genre. Tim pulled names out of that little velour (of course he’d have velour!) bag of his, which decided what order designers could pick their genre.

One by one the genres were nabbed up. Last to be picked: Western. It was like the fat kid on the kickball team at recess. (Read: me.) Poor Western, no one wanted it. But it got its vindication later when both Shirin and Epperson created some kickass costumes. Read More »

They are all over the media and even if you’ve never seen their show, everyone knows who Jon and Kate are thanks to their very public separation and the battle that’s ensued. Their conflicting stories on the reason behind their divorce is plastered all over every tabloid, and the cops have even been called to settle domestic disputes at their home where they trade shifts for parent duty.

They lost a battle to Speidi right here on CollegeCandy only a few short months ago. But little did we know then that soon the couple would turn on one another. (Editor’s Note: Is this the fate of the Speids? We can only dream.) It’s now time for them to duke it out, fair and square. Read More »

Since I tend to write (and speak) about controversial topics, I know what it’s like not to be universally liked.  I suppose that’s what will happen when you publicly hate on flip-flops.  However, I don’t think I could ever sink to the level it takes to be disliked in Hollywood.  I mean, they like everyone there (see: Perez Hilton).  Except, of course, those select few that are so hard to work with and so up their own butts that it’s impossible to like them.

Naturally, that’s what will concern us for this week’s edition of the showdown.

Everyone has heard Christian Bale’s ridiculous outburst on the set of Terminator.  As a  method actor, he can get pretty intense.  I actually respect the lengths he goes through to get into character.  However, I’m pretty sure other actors have managed to get into character without distancing themselves from the cast and crew and blowing up any time someone distracts them.  Except maybe Jeremy Piven.  He’s not exactly a method actor, but he is arrogant and well on his way to being that creepy older guy at Hollywood parties.  It’s hard to compare these two actors, seeing how they operate in two completely separate spheres, but their shared bad reputations require some comments.

Which one is more self-absorbed?  Who pisses off Hollywood the most? Read More »

Every week, I write CollegeCandy’s Weekly Ten on whatever hard-hitting issue I find relevant. It doesn’t get more hard-hitting than CollegeCandy, people. Stay with me.

Always entertained by the fantastic “Celebretard Showdowns,” I was inspired to write a top ten list of the celebs that I (and hopefully you) love to hate. We hate them, we want them out of our lives, but we can’t stop reading, blogging and talking about these trainwrecks.

10. Paris Hilton
Is there anyone more entertaining than Miss Hilton? From her sex tape to the Simple Life, we can’t get enough of her. Her prison scandal was a headliner on CNN, MSNBC, FOX News and all other news outlets. Even though her vocabulary consists of about thirty words and phrases, similar to a talking doll, her vapid, gangly bottle blonde self still draws the attention of millions. Now that’s hot.

9. Kanye West
[kahn-yay west] noun
1. The next Michael Jackson
2. See Douchebag.
Kanye will forever be remembered for some of his famous quotes. My personal favorite, “I’m the closest that Hip Hop is getting to God. In some situations I’m like ghetto Pope.”

Well played, Mr. West. Well played.

8. Miley Cyrus
It’s Miley! Aw, what a nugget of future trainwreck. I can’t wait to see how she grows up. I smell a Very Mischa Future for her.

7. Lindsay Lohan
I love Lindsay. I love everything about her, from the Adderall to the showing up at her ex’s house drunkenly to the insane dad to the alleged theft. Can’t get enough of her. She certainly puts my mistakes into perspective, and I thank her for that. Read More »

In my experience, musicians are vain, self-absorbed creatures who live for their instruments (much like any art form).  Since one of my majors is studio art, I am constantly surrounded by self-proclaimed artists and their idiosyncrasies.  Therefore, I can understand why some people in the music business act in a certain way.  They can’t help it, they’re artists!

The art department of any university is a strange place and it takes a special kind if person to put themselves through the torture that is any art class.  I’m sure the music business is the same way.  That is why when I see “artists” like The Pussycat Dolls or P. Diddy, I’m not exactly surprised.  However, once in a while there comes a person who is so terrifically self-absorbed that it shocks (and annoys) even other artists.  Enter:  Kanye West.  And John Mayer.

This installment of Celebretard Showdown could easily be called The Douchebag Edition, considering our subjects.  Who is more pretentious?  Who has talent and who just has a big mouth?  So many questions, so little time (let’s face it: there’s only so much time you can spend reading Kanye West quotes before losing all faith in humanity and wanting to smash something). Read More »

There are a lot of celebrities out there that simply disappear, whether it be voluntarily or due to lack of talent/rehab/Bermuda triangle.  There are a couple that have massive amounts of issues, yet refuse to disappear.  In fact, they seem to pop up everywhere, strutting around uninvited on every red carpet.  People like Bai Ling and Paris Hilton are prime examples.

More recently, we have Mischa Barton.  I gotta admit, I really do enjoy watching a mediocre TV actress fall from grace (and she fell hard!).  Oh, speaking of mediocre actresses, I think I heard the other day that Tara Reid has teamed up with the douchebag powerhouse that is Christian Audigier to design some piece of crap that I’ll certainly see all around campus.  Yay.

In light of that wonderful piece of news, I think it’s time to pair up a couple of the most washed up faces in Hollywood:  Mischa Barton and Tara Reid. Read More »

Let’s be honest, there is no one hotter in Hollywood right now than Adrian Grenier, Robert Pattinson (droooool), Gerard Butler and Jeremy Piven. I can’t even log how many hours I’ve devoted to watching/drooling/fantasizing/doing other inappropriate things that no one but me and my pocket rocket (and neighbor who lives on the other side of my very thin wall) need to know about.

Seeing these guys on screen makes my heart hurt, because I know deep down that never in my life will I have the chance to meet them, let alone see them in the buff.

But now I’m realizing that maybe I don’t want to. And maybe those boys aren’t quite as perfect as I once thought. In fact, they’re actually kinda gross.

Read More »