Dear Lindsay,

Word on the street is that they’re trying to make you go to rehab and you say no, no, no. While Amy Winehouse turned that jam into a monster hit, do you really want it to be the theme song to your E! True Hollywood Story? I have to be brutally honest with you, Linds; you’re not looking good. We all see that damaged, over-processed hair and all that chain smoking as if your life depends on it.

Remember when you used to look like this? Now, you’ll be lucky if you don’t crack that orange, leathery face of yours.

And here’s an FYI: just because pills are “prescribed” doesn’t mean you can down them like Tic-Tacs. Have we learned nothing from the loss of Heath Ledger last year? Granted Heath was a sexier blond than you will ever strive to be, you don’t have to drown your sorrows in a water bottle filled with vodka. Yes, we’ve caught on to you.

So what’s next for you, LiLo? We are all waiting with bated breath. Do you honestly want to say you hit your peak as a Mean Girl? That your last stab at acting not only didn’t make it to theaters, but went straight to ABC Family!?

Can’t you see that you’ve hit rock bottom? I thought it was blatantly obvious when you accepted the role in I Know Who Killed Me. Perhaps you were trying to relive the twin glory that you received from The Parent Trap, but playing the part of a strip club amputee and her equally mutilated twin sister was not your finest hour. And from I’ve seen of your pole-dancing skills, I’d urge you not to quit your day job. Oh wait – you’ve already done that. Read More »

There are a lot of celebrities out there that simply disappear, whether it be voluntarily or due to lack of talent/rehab/Bermuda triangle.  There are a couple that have massive amounts of issues, yet refuse to disappear.  In fact, they seem to pop up everywhere, strutting around uninvited on every red carpet.  People like Bai Ling and Paris Hilton are prime examples.

More recently, we have Mischa Barton.  I gotta admit, I really do enjoy watching a mediocre TV actress fall from grace (and she fell hard!).  Oh, speaking of mediocre actresses, I think I heard the other day that Tara Reid has teamed up with the douchebag powerhouse that is Christian Audigier to design some piece of crap that I’ll certainly see all around campus.  Yay.

In light of that wonderful piece of news, I think it’s time to pair up a couple of the most washed up faces in Hollywood:  Mischa Barton and Tara Reid. Read More »

My aunt has been addicted to cheap pink wine fore 13 years. When I was a teenager I remember finding a giant bottle tucked away in the fridge near her bathroom. She used to say, “I just like having a glass before bed…it helps me sleep.” But even then I knew there was more to it than that.

This woman I knew as energetic, happy and fun transformed into a mean, foul being who constantly played the blame-game when she explained why she drank. “Your mother and uncle have always been awful to me…they made me this way.” I never loved my husband…he made me this way.”

Listening to her go on and on was not only angering, but utterly draining. I’d leave her house after a visit and feel exhausted by the toxic energy she spewed at me. It was in that last moment, when I pulled out of her driveway, that I decided I’d never set foot in her house again.  Read More »

Whenever we need to make a difficult decision, we make a list. You know, like when we were choosing a school, when we were choosing a date to the first sorority date party, or when we weren’t sure which we loved more: our Prada backpack or our Skechers.

So when are constantly faced with the awful decision of which hot mess of a celebrity is more hot messy, we make a list. Yes, this is a decision we feel the need to make on a weekly basis; we have a lot of time on our hands.

Moving on.

This week’s showdown is between two of our favorite celebs to watch (as they completely meltdown into a pile of crazy mush): Amy Winehouse and Britney Spears. Who is more of a train wreck? God, that’s a tough call, so let’s break it down. Read More »

We’re back with another edition of G.W.W.E. (Guys We Wanna Eff)! Heating up CC this week is the owner of those effable baby blues, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers.

Let’s go waaay back (to 2002) to the release of  Bend it Like Beckham, when JRM got his first big acting break.  He starred as Joe, the Irish soccer (okay, football) coach who quickly fell for his culturally-conflicted student, Jess.

I loved this movie for two reasons: first, because it showcased Keira Knightley during her awkward stage before she was really famous, and second, because JRM totally stole the show.

His impeccable brogue and pursed pout had my teenage tongue a-waggin’.  Plus, due to the English colloquialisms peppered throughout the film, the characters kept referring to Joe as “fit” (translation: effable), which inspired me to dream of my own physical condition after a long night with JRM.

But that was just the beginning. Read More »

If you don’t know who the Red Hot Chili Peppers are, I just want to know what rock you’ve been living under for the past twenty-five or so years. They are one of the biggest rock bands in the world, recording seven fantastic albums including the 2006 “Stadium Arcadium,” which won 6 Grammys. Since this band has such a long history, an autobiography of the main singer is bound to be a super interesting and full of scandal.

And Anthony Kiedis does not disappoint.

Anthony’s autobiography begins right at the beginning: his birth in 1962. He chronicles his experiences as a child that lead to his excessive party lifestyle as an adult, many of which are with his father, Blackie, a drug dealer. He discusses all of his relationships and diligently reports on the formation of the original Red Hot Chili Peppers.

At some points the book becomes slightly redundant: drug abuse, rehab, clean, repeat. But that was his life and although this repetitiveness takes away from the severity of the issue of drug abuse, the stories that go along with this vicious cycle are amazing and can only be those of a rock-star.

And they stay with you. Even though I read this about 5 years ago, certain anecdotes have never left me and I still find myself thinking of them. Read More »

Those girls pretend to be innocent, but we’re onto them!

 Elisabeth Moss and Fred Armisen are getting married!

Hayden Panattierre’s look for less! SO cute!

A straightener AND a crimper? Yes, please!

Shia LeBeouf with some sexy scruff…yum!

The secret love lives of our presidents…hmm, curious?

MTV’s on our side!

Russell Brand has sexual powers? What?!

Little kids are so cute and funny, even when they don’t mean to be.

Little Rudy is not a cokehead!!

Kelly Osbourne back in rehab…shocking.

It’s time for some teen talk. There’s a whole new generation of teenybopper superstars, and it’s time for us college ladies to get aquainted with them. Miley Cyrus seems to be at the crest of the fame wave, but can Taylor Swift be far behind?

While Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus has been on the radar of the ‘tween set for quite some time, she really became a mega-uber-superstar in the course of the last year. It’s been a good twelve months since I first started hearing her single, “See You Again,” blasting from every room on my hall.  She made headlines when famed photographer Annie Lebowitz shot questionably tasteful photos of her for Vanity Fair. With a fiercely devoted fan base, bestselling albums and a movie and memoir in the works, you’d think Miley was the certified Queen of the Teenyboppers, pink tiara and all.

But not so fast, Hannah Montana. There’s another gal in town who’s ready to knock the spurs off your rockstar cowboy boots. Taylor Swift has been garnering press left and right about her sophisticated music and style. She’s been called the “most remarkable country music breakthrough artist of the decade,” and has upheld the honor by promising not to end up in rehab like some of her musician peers. And while she’s determined to stay out of the tabloids, she hasn’t always been successful–her tumultuous breakup with Joe Jonas has been providing intense gossip fodder this week.

So who is really on top of the tween rock scene? Billy Ray’s daughter steals the spotlight with her fun and kitschy persona, but Ms. Swift commands attention with her sweet and sincere lyrics. Who’s more likely to be rocking out on your iPod earbuds?

While we usually run posts like this to decide which male celebrity is hotter, we thought it was time to take things to a new level. No, today’s “It’s On” is not about who is a hotter mess, or who needs more of an intervention (because Spears already had hers…and it seems to be working!).

What we want to know is: who would you rather work for?

On the one hand, you have Ms. Spears: you would have to care for her children, interact with K-Fed, make numerous Starbucks runs, tell her those boots look good with that dress, and, most likely, crush up drugs and stick em in her Frap.

On the other hand, you have Amy Winehouse: you would have to travel to the seediest parts of London to get her drugs (in return for sexual favors in an alley), pick bugs/small animals out of her hair, assist her in making packages (of drugs) to send to her husband in jail, and try to get the vomit out of her couture dresses.

So, which trashy diva would you wanna work for?

It has been so long since we’ve seen Lindsay Lohan in anything other than rehab/a bikini/a mugshot/the arms of her “girlfriend” that I sorta forgot she did anything else.

Yeah, it seems that Ms. Lohan was at one point an actress. Wait…now I remember. Mean Girls. I loved that movie! Oh man. Remember that part at the end when the girls are all sharing secrets and that girl was like, “Most people think I’m lying about being a virgin because I prefer jumbo tampons, but I can’t help it if I have a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina!”

Ha! Classic.

But back to my point. Lindsay has returned to work! She has been spending a lot of time on the set of her new movie, Labor Pains, and the reps for the movie say that everything is going A-Ok. Last time I checked, no one in Hollywood would insure a Lohan movie because she’s so…er….she’s a hot mess. But, the peeps behind Labor Pains decided Lohan was a risk worth taking. According to People:

“We were a little bit reluctant to work with her,” Lati Grobman, one of the producers, tells PEOPLE. “But she’s been amazing. We took the chance. It’s good that we did. So far, so good.” Read More »