"I'm smiling but if she doesn't take out the garbage soon I'm going to punch her in the face."

Did you ever wake up, peer out groggily from under the sheets at your roommate who is still passed out in her bed across the room, and wonder why the eff you two are living together? Sure, it seemed like a good idea last year when you perused flea markets for cheap futons together. It even seemed to still make sense just a month ago when you were first getting used to each others’ loveable quirks. But then one day, it just hits you, like a shot of tequila.

Who is this girl that you thought you knew?
Why does she do that weird sh*t all the time?
Most importantly, how are you going to survive the year without completely snapping and throwing a beer can at her head?

I really hope none of you are going through this, but if you are, I can relate. As I type this, I am being serenaded by Lauren, my cute-as-a-teacup friend and roommate. I’m not sure what song it is, but I’m fairly certain it’s from the musical, Rent (I loathe musicals). She has a lovely voice, and who doesn’t enjoy the occasional serenade, right? Well, it happens to me probably three to five times a day on average, and it’s ALWAYS when I’m trying to actually accomplish something school-related. I don’t know why she can’t sing at me when I’m procrastinating, painting my nails, watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia online, or just sitting around, which, realistically, is 75% of the time. Why is it always when I’m busy? Read More »

I love you, Photo Tagger.

The writers over at The Ultimate Hatelist composed a list of the Top 10 Most Hated People on Facebook: The Constant Status Updater, Facebook Couples, People Who Post Little Pictures… Clearly, we agree with them. Those girls with the freakin’ peace-sign-and-pouty-lip pics (of course we never do that in pictures!) and the people who actually pay for Facebook gifts (you’re throwing away money on a birthday cupcake floating in cyberspace during economic times like this?!) should go back where they belong: MySpace.

But we got to thinking, and while there are those people who we want to punch right through the computer screen every time we load up our NewsFeed (read: every 4 minutes), there are also some that we truly love. Those who make our Facebook experience what it is. Those we can’t get enough of and know Facebook just wouldn’t be the same without.

The Comedian
I appreciate a witty saying every now and then, and when I sign on to Facebook to procrastinate I’d like to be greeted with a laugh, not some vague song lyric begging for attention/Facebook gifts. Which is why I love the comedian. He’s funny, he’s quick on his feet and he always has a funny status update or video posted for me to enjoy. This guy is a real pal, bringing a little happiness to hours of homework and studying.

The Girl Who Never Left Home
When you’re having one of those God awful weeks where you bombed a test, fought with your boyfriend and realized you have no idea what you want to do with your life, stalking this girl always makes you feel better. While everyone else left home only to return on holiday breaks, she’s still living in her parent’s basement, getting fat at the same deli you ate at for four years of off-campus lunch, and parties with the coolest of the cool…high school seniors. Seeing her life makes you feel a whole lot better about yours. It might be mean, but it’s true. Read More »

Presenting: the epitome of "I don't like your boyfriend...er...husband."

There is a stop on the Chicago Red Line train with a mosaic of passengers’ thoughts, photographs and stories expressed on individual tiles arranged on a cement wall. While browsing the collage the other day, the following remembrance struck me: “I’ll never forget this stop. This is where my best friend told me she didn’t like my boyfriend and we have never been the same since.”

I had two reactions to this: one, you’re an idiot for opening your mouth; and two, you’re an idiot for letting it ruin your friendship. Upon further review, however, this situation is a little trickier, and a little stickier, than I originally thought.

We have all been in this situation: one of your friends is dating a total jackass. Standard procedure is to discuss his McDouchery with the rest of the group, nickname him something awesome like “fart stick” or “lady balls,” then wait a couple months until he’s out of the picture, and she too can laugh about his pompous political discourse.

But what about the girlfriend who has is still dating that jerk? When is it appropriate – and wise – to tell your friend that her boyfriend sucks?

Here a few crucial factors to consider before opening your mouth.

Read More »

Ha! I got you, bitch!

Poor Mike! He should have known better than to leave his Facebook profile open on someone else’s computer. Usually, I’m pretty unimpressed with jokes that hinge on dudes acting like there’s something inherently hilarious about homosexuality—unless they’re Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd—but this prank is pretty genius. (Side note: How on earth are there that many groups about loving cock??)

Changing around someone’s Facebook profile is the ultimate prank. We all spend way too much time worrying about presenting ourselves in the best light possible on Facebook: listing the right favorite movies and music, displaying a flattering profile pic, writing something funny and pithy in our “About Me” sections. When someone messes with your profile, then, they’re poking fun at your image-consciousness in an extremely public way—and they’re also making sure that an audience of hundreds can immediately see that you just got played.

So, since witnessing a Facebook prank at its finest, I’ve been thinking about other ways to subtly mess with my friends’ Facebook profiles, given the chance. And considering they stored their passwords and leave their bedroom doors unlocked, that chance is most definitely given.

Here’s what I’ve come up with so far: Read More »

"Everything huuuuurts."

Between the nightly orders of cheese fries and the daily “I’m too tired/busy/stressed/wrapped up in this Friends marathon to go to the gym” you’ve let yourself go. And based on how much work it takes to get those bootcuts over your thighs, it’s all beginning to catch up with you.  So when Sunday night rolls around you put your (chubby) foot down and decide it’s time to get back in gear.

You eat a salad for dinner (with the dressing on the side), enjoy some Smart Pop Kettle Korn for a late-night study snack and set your alarm for a pre-class workout. “You’re gonna get up this time,” you tell yourself before you crawl into bed.

You shoot out of bed when Pitbull starts “singing” in your ear at 7am. You slip into the workout clothes you laid out the night before, brush your teeth and run out of the house before your brain has a chance to realize what is going on and lures you back to your warm, cozy bed. You’re still slightly out of it when you get to the gym, but 10 minutes into your elliptical session you’re awake, alert and ready for a serious workout.

You start with 30 minutes on the elliptical, rotating incline and resistance. You work up a pretty good sweat but decide to switch to the Stairmaster for a little more gluteal attention. Twenty minutes later you move to the weight room. You don’t want those big, beefy guys to think you’re some prissy little girl so you pick up some weights and start working.  3 sets of 15 reps of triceps, biceps, chest presses and lunges later, you’re soaked in sweat and feeling great.

Those workout endorphins have kicked in and you’re walking around, Britney Spears blasting into your earbuds, wondering why you aren’t doing this more often. You’re energized and productive for the rest of the day – going to class, doing your laundry, getting ahead on that reading for Wednesday. You even pass on the leftover mac and cheese your roommate made for dinner. You’re back on track and nothing is going to stop you. Read More »

"Whew! Thank God I took those 5 shots last night."

In the words of Betsy from ABC Family’s Greek, “I don’t go to the gym five days a week for my health!” Could it be the drinking, Betsy?

According to a recently published study in the September/October issue of the American Journal of Health Promotion, those who are more likely to drink are also more likely to drag themselves to the gym (hungover or otherwise). Lead author Michael French, Ph. D says that “Alcohol users not only exercised more than abstainers, but the differential actually increased with more drinking.”

I knew drinking was good for my health! Take that, mom!

And it only gets better. The study showed that the more that women drank, the more time they spent exercising each week, on average. Light drinkers apparently exercised for 5.7 more minutes per week, moderate drinkers 10.1 minutes, and heavy drinkers (college students?) 19.9 minutes more per week. Yup, the study showed that women who drink were 10.1% more likely to engage in vigorous exercise (both in and out of the bedroom. Heyoooo). Read More »

I’m a senior in college, single, loving it, and have just as many girlfriends as random sexual escapades (almost). So maybe I’m not having as much consistent sex as I’d like, but I am still getting my fill of lovin.

I am absolutely in love with my girlfriends.

I feel more fulfilled from my friend relationships than I’ve ever had from boyfriends. Maybe that’s not saying too much about my ex’s, but the power of the female friendship amazes me, especially in college.

In high school, I used to be a boyfriend-girl (you know the type). Although I tried to split time between the BF and the BFFs, I definitely ended up sacrificing girl time for the boyfriend. But now, after staying single in college, I never have to make the sacrifice of feeling lonely just because I don’t have a boyfriend. I actually feel more loved, supported, and celebrated through my friends. Read More »

As I said last week, when I’m with my friends I tend to feel like the mom of the group; the one without the fun stories, the exciting crushes and the long drunken nights with friends. Well, I’ve recently discovered that there are some perks to being the momma of the group and the only girl in my group in a long term relationship.

I’ve become the one that everyone else comes to for advice or when they have an awkward relationship/sex questions.

Case in point: Last week I was at the gym with my friend who is one of the sweetest, most innocent girls you could meet. We were jogging around the track just doin’ our thing when she asked me if she could ask a bit of an embarrassing question. “Of course,” I huffed, not knowing what to expect. Especially knowing what came next.

“What’s giving a blow job like?”

I couldn’t believe one of my best friends, especially her, was asking me such a blunt question! On the track! But I realized that it took a lot for her to ask me that and that she must really value my opinion (considering I’ve never even heard her use that term before!), so I gave her the best description I could and answered all of her related questions. Quietly, of course, there were other people running around us.

Having a serious relationship has turned me into the go-to girl for my friends with relationship questions. They have told me that they know I’ve been through a lot and they value my advice. And I have to admit, giving out relationship advice is kind of fun! I like being the all-knowing sage and helping people who may not be where I am with Matt. It’s my unique way of contributing to the group when they’re all sharing stories and that I can no longer relate to. It makes me feel wanted and connected to a group that I sometimes worry I’m growing apart from. Read More »

Like most women, I get a little horny sometimes. (And like all women, I wish there were a less disgusting term to use to describe that phenomenon.) The fact is, I have needs and it gets a little old to be using a battery operated machine to fulfill them all the time. I love my vibrator, but it can’t cuddle with me, or play with my hair, or tell me how hot I look thanks to all those grueling Sunday morning boot camps.

And the longer I’m single (which is a long, LONG time – the closest thing I’ve had in the past 3 years was a guy I was dating for 2 months who broke it off with me via email…and called me the wrong name), the more I’m inclined to get into a Friends With Benefits relationship.

But I’m not sure I should really let my hormones make any decisions for me. Lord knows that doesn’t work out when I’m PMSing and those bitches tell me to eat an entire pizza…and dip it in ranch dressing.

Needless to say, I’m torn. Read More »

I remember going to college expecting to make some of the best friends of my life. It had always seemed that way — you have nice high school friends, but gradually they fade out of the picture and your college friends dominate your life. Wasn’t that the way it was supposed to be?

As I arrived at school and plunged into the rigorous academic environment that was promised in the Princeton brochure, the social scene surprised me in some way. There were the usual kinds of people I expected — the jocks, the preps, the econ majors — but not the friendships I was looking forward to.

I had dining hall buddies (people to eat and swap jokes with), and homework buddies (people to frantically share answers on problem sets with), but there was no gang of girls sharing secrets and supporting each other the way there was in high school. I compared notes with other friends and they agreed; for one reason or another, no one had as close friendships in college as they did in high school.

Why? Read More »