There's more to us than what's popping out of our dresses, you know.

I just got back from the happiest place on earth. And no, I’m not talking about Disneyland. Although Vegas is a lot LIKE Disneyland, but instead of candy you have booze and instead of rides you have prostitutes. Which I guess can be considered rides…. If I had spent more than three days there, my entire body and life would have started decaying as quickly as my morals did (just kidding guys, no secret marriages here!).

But beyond all the slot machines, free booze and horny people everywhere, Las Vegas is like single life grown in a petri dish; it’s bigger and more rampant, and it lets you observe some things. A lot of the weekend involved putting on our hottest outfits, going to the hottest places, and (hopefully) flirting with the hottest guys.  But somewhere in between flirting with the bouncer to get to the head of the line (which probably only works for Lindsay Lohan) and making eyes at the cute guy across the dance floor, it hit me: the giant singles meat market that is Las Vegas is not too far off from the giant singles meat market that is my life in Chicago. Read More »

With the recession guilting me into sacrificing unnecessary luxuries (oh, multiple, daily Starbucks runs, how I miss you!), I’m wondering how others are handling their own sacrifices. Our daily indulgences have now become something to shake a finger at, but many industries are still thriving by playing into our addictions.

As humans, we have inner demons that can only be quieted by indulging in our uncontrollable desires. Take the concept of the Seven Deadly Sins. Depending on your beliefs or interpretations, you may agree that we have a natural inclination towards these temptations. For example, I totally lust after my boyfriend’s six pack, I greedily horde my money, I’m a glutton for any sort of frozen yogurt, and I envy Megan Fox’s…everything.

Being the crafty marketing team they are, America’s consumer industries are exploiting our desires to indulge in these Seven Deadly Sins (and are getting filthy rich because of it!). Hey, maybe if we all sinned a bit more, we could nix this recession like Cain did Abel! Ready to be a bad girl? Hit up these industries to silence your inner, money spending demon:

Lust – While the recession has taken away many things, at least it’s bringing sexy back! Erotic industries, such as sex toy company Babeland, have seen a 25% increase in sales. Makes sense: The less hours you’re given at your job, the more quality time you have to spend with your brand new Mini Pink Leopard Vibe! The best part? Babeland is always having sales to keep you “cumming” back for more. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.) Read More »

[Celebrities get paid to look good and serve as a style guide to all us common folk, and part of looking good is flaunting their totally awesome fashion sense. Each week, I will be highlighting my Style Idol of the week: a celebrity who consistently shows keen fashion sense and whose closet I would raid in a heartbeat. Of course, no celebs are immune to the occasional “what the hell were they thinking?” moment, but for the most part, these celebs look foxy and fabulous and inspire us all to do the same.]

Although I regularly watch The Hills, the show honestly irritates the crud out of me, and I think I’m an odd man out when I say I am not a big fan of LC. But even I can’t deny that the girl’s got a great style. She mixes California cool with high fashion for a nice combination that brings out her fresh-faced good looks.

Whether jaunting around LA with her BFFs and her puppy, partying it up in Vegas, or walking the red carpet at Hollywood events, she looks put together and sexy without being too overt. She does a great job of keeping it simple with basic pieces – jeans and plain tops or simple dresses – in colors and cuts that are perfect for her, and pairs it all with light accessories for the total cute package.

Of course, I’d probably dress really well too if I got paid $75K per episode to be filmed partying, “working” (‘cause we all know those jobs aren’t real) and acting like a total bitch. But maybe I’m just bitter. Read More »

Looks like the joke’s on us, ladies. We were all tossing and turning last night worried about the fate of our dear Brody and Doug in jail, only to learn that they were not arrested.

They were in CASINO jail pressing charges against someone for pussy punching Doug and dumping a bloody mary on Brody. MTV, I hate you.

The real drama of the episode had nothing to do with jail at all. It had to do with Audrina, runny mascara and Spencer officially going down as the biggest jerk of all time.

Let’s begin with Spencer (because I can’t hold it in anymore). I would just like to ask – again – if anyone else remembers that time when Spencer was down and out over his breakup with Barbie and he turned to his sister for help. He did not clean up after himself. He never really left the couch. So now he has Heidi’s sis on his couch (or in his “office,” as he refers to it) for 48 hours and he won’t stop crying about it. Read More »

Growing up I was the fat girl. I had a killer personality, but no one wanted to see me in a bathing suit, let alone in the buff. It wasn’t until much later than the rest of my friends that I had my first anything: kiss, date, boy who liked me as more than the girl who made him laugh in Social Studies.

Needless to say, when I finally did come into my own and learned how to make out with boys at parties, I went sorta…well, nuts. I was lengths behind my friends and felt the need to catch up.

“Oh, you hooked up with 10 boys since your first kiss at 11? Fine! I’ll hook up with ten this weekend!”

It was fun and exciting and I was finally able to take part in all the story telling with my friends. Every night was an opportunity for me to find another story to share, so I took any and every guy that came my way. Sure, it was probably not the best idea, but I was young and free and making up for lost time.

And the stories were well worth it. Read More »

Friday is back at last. And we are happy. Why? Because we have no life until school starts again and for once – thanks to the Olympic games – it is totally acceptable to sit home on a Friday night. Eating Moo Shu. With our hands.

We do have a lot in store for the weekend. First up, a shopping trip to pick up the essentials: a sex machine, some not-so-slutty party clothes, some ingredients to woo that dude we met at Yoga (yes, he is a bit shorter than us, but he looks so good in Child’s Pose) and a little trip for Botox to fill in all those trouble spots from that trip to Vegas. (It was siiiiick.)

Then we have to plan that Welcome Week party and, seriously, just making the guest-list is a pain. Let’s just hope our ex doesn’t show up, cuz you know once that margarita hits our lips we won’t be able to keep our hands off him. (And we have to cuz according to Facebook, he’s got a new bitch.)

After that, it’s a Sunday filled with Disney movies, election coverage and, of course, scoping out the hotties at the Olympics.

TGIF. Enjoy it, ladies.

David Militello is adorable…so adorable that the earth may implode under the weight of his toothy grin and little kid high-notes. Little David auditioned for America’s Got Talent awhile back and made it through to Las Vegas, the AGT equivalent of Hollywood Week.

Before he left, The Hoff made this prediction/menacing threat:

“He is going to steal the hearts of every American watching the show.”

That prophecy came to fruition during last night’s two-hour Vegas episode. The judges whittled the 113 acts down to 60, and on Thursday they’ll cut 20 more before the pool of contestants is set for the live episodes.

David upped his game and with two minor additions that made it impossible for the judges to send him packing; a little tuxedo, and an alliance with the youngest contestant in the competition, Kaitlyn Maher. Separate they are just two cute little kids, but put them together (holding hands no less!) and the viewing public is powerless. The two little ones beat out individuals three times their age (in their own age bracket no less) and both moved on to the semi-final round. But were we surprised? Voting them off would be like putting Milo & Otis to sleep. Read More »

We’ve talked about Craigslist countless times before. It’s glorious and hilarious and you can buy chairs or sell your cat. However, after a little chat with our hormonal Coed office buddies, we realized that there was an untapped ocean of entertainment on CL known as Casual Encounters. We knew all about Missed Connections (and may have looked to see, from time to time, if anyone had MC’ed us…which they never did), but had always assumed that the Casual Encounters section of Cragislist was full of skeevy people and penis pics.

So yeah, it’s full of skeevy people and ‘peen pics, but it’s also full of the strange and the weird and the desperate. How entertaining!

PS: We changed the titles and photos to fit our liking (and keep nasty ‘peen pics off our site). It’s better this way. Trust us. Read More »

In this ep, Dina and Ali struggle with the dilemma of getting older (Ali feels the need to express maturity by exposing as mush flesh as possible, and Dina attempts to avoid the process all together). There is a scramble to finish Ali’s album after she strikes Jeremy’s involvement in the project. E-man comes back (who I, inexpicably and until now, thought was this guy ) resurrect Ali’s now incomplete LP. His new song is pretty damn good, and Ali sounds quite decent singing it.

Regardless of voice quality though, her clothing (and I state the following with the full knowledge that I sound like my Nana) is highly indecent. If Ali’s sole purpose this half hour was to expose as much flesh as possible, she beyond succeeded. I’m talking more copious amounts of mid-driff than usual people. In one scene she actually wears what I believe to be a short, Lycra unitard. After I stopped laughing at my use of the word unitard, I pondered how she manages not to suffocate her vagina.

All thoughts of Ali Lohan’s vajay aside, I snapped back to reality (television, that is) to see a Chris Crocker look alike stalking Dina at the gym. Turns out he’s a choreographer. After checking out his myspace page, DiLo calls him and for some reason feels the urge to say “Yes it’s really me,” and agrees to check out his moves at the Pearl. This is the beginning of what I believe to be a beautiful and staged relationship between a gay man and hetero woman. Read More »

In this episode, the Lohans FINALLY get to Vegas! They didn’t fly there in a private jet though, which I’m gonna admit was a bit of a let down (I expected some major control issues and perhaps Dina’s debut as a pilot), and there was no liquor fueled dramz. While the episode was age appropriately absent of hard booze, it was heavy on the whine.

For some reason, Ali chooses to adopt an even more nasally tone for this 25 minute tribute to ungratefulness. She complains in this obnoxious tantrum pending voice about all of the trials life has delivered to her. Like the fact that she, her awesome brother and (arguably) cool mom have to live in a tricked out penthouse at the Palms while she records her album. I guess it gets pretty taxing when you’re attending all of these exhausting “Welcome to Vegas!” parties (with delicious looking cake) thrown just for you by the f*#king Maloufs.

Ugh, sorry about that. Anyways, Dina introduces Ali (who is wearing a gorgeous but way too mature minidress) to a bunch of important 30 something guys that she wants Ali to “get comfortable with.” Dina baby, they’re mentally undressing your 14 year old — not very comfort inducing, I would say. The men all flirt with Ali while she fidgets, present her the aforementioned cake (note to self, go buy something with chocolate as soon as I’m done writing) and begin an episode long tradition of complimenting Ali and promising her she’s the next big thing. Read More »